


Baby I'm Longing For

by Purplesprout



Series: Munkustrap [2]
Category: Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber, Cats - Fandom
Genre: Action, Action & Romance, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Cats, Ass-Kicking, Babies, Bands, Cats, Comedy, Complicated Relationships, Cute, Dancing and Singing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, F/M, Fights, Fluff and Mush, Football, Gangs, Jealousy, Just Add Kittens, Knives, London, London Underground, Magic, Miscarriage, Multi, Music, Newborns, Nightclub, Polygamy, Pregnancy, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Fluff, Songs to match, Stabbing, Sweet, Virginity, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 04:19:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 61,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13826337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplesprout/pseuds/Purplesprout
Summary: Someone's getting broody and has an unlikely tom in her sights. Will they stop at nothing to get him?





	1. Home Again

**Author's Note:**

> Foreword  
> This was meant to be a short story, but I think we might be in it for the long haul! Sorry!  
> I also wasn't planning on making Munkustrap and Jazzie into too big a thing, but it seems they just can't get enough of each other! I mean, I was planning to have a bit more Demeter vs Munkustrap action, cos I know how much you love that couple and I'll admit, so do I. But somehow, Demeter seems to have turned into a bit of a bitch. Whoops! Not actually sure how that happened, but we'll run with it. See where it goes!  
> Be warned. This story is unashamedly gushy and very sweet. If it fails to warm the cockles of your heart, then you must obviously be an iceberg lettuce. May I suggest you go jump in a soda lake!
> 
>  As with my last story, I have matched up songs with the text, kind of like a musical. It is my characters who connect with the lyrics, rather than me, which was really weird, because I found myself becoming emotional over songs that I wouldn't usually listen to.  
> I know that songfics aren't everyone's cup of tea, (I'm guilty of skipping the songs bits too!) But sometimes, it is a case of: Christine Mcvie, Chrissie Hynde or Del Amitri said it better than I ever could!
> 
>  Thank you to Kycklingk for being THE ONLY person to give me a decent review. Your advice has been invaluable!
> 
> I am dedicating this story to Krissy4, who gave me the inspiration for this tale.
> 
> I have been working on my other story but I've finished that now, so am in the process of tidying up this one. I wrote it so quickly you see. Bare with!
> 
>  Disclaimer.  
> I own the following characters: Doctor Jazzie, Hortenseya, Lucitana, Norstara, Hack, Keralon, Katon, The Felons, The Vandals, Wave Of The Tail, The Nymph Quartet, Bellatriss, Sonora, Iphigenia, Vaughan, Beni Spears and The Rafters, Morosoe, Elias, Lorian, Cosmica, Willowmist, Dellasole, Serran, Treloar and Tallus. Nothing more.

_"At last my love has come along_   
_My lonely days are over and life is like a song, oh yeah_   
_At last the skies above are blue_   
_My heart was wrapped up clover the night I looked at you_   
_I found a dream that I could speak to_   
_A dream that I can call my own_   
_I found a thrill to press my cheek to_   
_A thrill I've never known, oh yeah_   
_You smiled, you smiled oh and then the spell was cast_   
_And here we are in Heaven_   
_For you are mine at last."_   
  
_(At last by Etta James)_   
  
This was how Doctor Jazzie felt as she stepped off the train and exited St Pancras International Station into the pouring rain, almost sick with happiness. The memories of the last few days still beamed across her mind like gold threads of light and she reeled them in, hoping to treasure them forever. While she was busy daydreaming, the Silver Bengcoon placed a protective arm around her, trying unsuccessfully to shield her from the downpour. "Aw, what a fitting end to our trip!" he said jokingly. "We'll have to run for it!"  
  
Together, they ran along the busy streets in their feline forms, dodging prams and zig zagging between the legs of humans as they trudged blindly through the dank streets and coughed in the grimey air, holding firm onto their brollies lest a gust of wind snatched them right out of their hands. The couple laughed as they were soaked through, skipping from one shelter to the next and finally stopping to catch their breath under the awning of a market stall, situated just outside the British Library. Since the humans were all preoccupied with avoiding the rain, they felt safe to change into their humanoid forms, briefly. "I don't know why we're trying to hide from this!" he panted, shaking droplets of water from his whiskers. "We couldn't possibly get any wetter!"  
  
He smiled and wiped a drip of water from her pink nose, then gently lifted her chin and softly kissed her. A kiss that she deepened as she curled her arms around him. "Sank you," she whispered to him. "Sose were, paws down, ze best sree days of my life!"  
  
She shivered. Her short coat was not standing up well to the unusually chilly Summer weather, especially now that it was wet through. He was fairing a little better, the water sliding off his silky, lustrous coat; which was doing a blinding job of keeping out most of the cold weather. Thoroughly envious, Jazzie was only too grateful to burrow into it and hide from the moisture laden gale. "You're welcome!" he replied. "I rather enjoyed them too. Are you cold?"  
  
"F-f-freezing!" she admitted.  
  
"Here," he held her tighter. "How's that? Any better?"  
  
"Mmmm, you're so warm!" She sighed, snuggling into him even more and briefly closing her eyes.

"So, you like Paris, no?" She asked after a while.  
  
He chuckled, "Now I know why they call it the Romantic City. I think I love you more now, than before we went, if that's possible." He smiled and affectionately kissed the top of her head.  
  
"My Mozzer seem to approve of you," she continued.  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "Really?" He said in disbelief. "Well, I was on my best behaviour! I was so worried she wouldn't like me."  
  
Jazzie smiled, recalling the secret conversation she had had with her mother. "Sacrebleu  _Jazzminora_! Je n’en crois pas mes yeux!" She had exclaimed. "Il est magnifique! Quand les chatons naîtront-ils?" *1

"Mère! Je ne suis pas enceinte!" Jazzie had replied exasperatedly. *2

"Oh, she like you alright!" She said to Munkustrap with a slightly coy smile. "She tell me!"  
  
"Oh, so _that's_ what she was saying!" He surmised. "I picked up something about, if she were ten years younger or something?"

Remembering how stern Jazzie's mother had been, he said tentatively, "It is not easy to earn the approval of Madam Jargonaise though, is it?"  
  
"She has exacting standards does my Mozzer!" Jazzie agreed wholeheartedly. "But I sink she was quite taken by your English charm!"

She sighed again, "How I wish we could have stayed for longer zan a few days, sough. Zere was so much more I wanted to show you!"  
  
He shrugged, before suggesting, "Who says our trip has to end here? How about we stop off in the pub to dry off for a bit?"  
  
"Race you!" She challenged.  
  
At which he smirked and replied, "I'll give _you_ a head start!"  
  
The blue eyed Snowshoe melted back into her feline form and took off in the direction of Regent's Park with The Silver Bengcoon hot on her tail. When they arrived they found the Green to be largely deserted, save for the odd dog walker, so they changed back into their humanoid forms once again and Jazzie slipped her paw into his. She felt like the luckiest queen in the World, hanging onto the arm of this strong handsome male and skipping along in the rain to match his longer stride. Nothing bad would ever touch her again.  
  
_"Just a kiss just a kiss_   
_I have lived just for this_   
_I can't explain why I've become_   
_Miss Chatelaine_   
_Just a smile just a smile_   
_Hold me captive just a while_   
_I can't explain why I've become_   
_Miss Chatelaine_   
_Every time your eyes meet mine_   
_Clouds of qualm_   
_Burst into sunshine_   
_Just a sigh just a sigh_   
_Words my love just reply_   
_I can't explain why I've become_   
_Miss Chatelaine_   
_Miss Chatelaine_   
_Zing!_   
_Just a smile just a smile_   
_Hold me captive just a while_   
_I can't explain why I've become_   
_Miss Chatelaine_   
_Every time your eyes meet mine_   
_Clouds of qualm_   
_Burst into sunshine_   
_Just a kiss just a kiss_   
_I have lived just for this_   
_I can't explain why I've become_   
_Miss Chatelaine_   
_Miss Chatelaine_   
_Miss Chatelaine_   
_Miss Chatelaine_  
Miss Chatelaine."  
  
(Miss Chatelaine by KD Lang)

* * *

  
By the time the two shadows raced towards the Wellington Arms, which was a nondescript red brick Georgian building situated in the district of Marylebone, the light had dimmed and the weather had worsened. The wind whistled down Orchardson Street, throwing rain against windows, walls and faces, while brilliant flashes of lightning were quickly followed by crashes of thunder. The two bedraggled cats shook themselves off and entered into the cosy atmosphere of the pub, rubbing water out of their eyes, and no sooner had they arrived then they were greeted by Asparagus; a grizzled old brown tabby. He handed them a towel each, chortling, "Evenin Munkustrap. Doctor. My my! What's with this ere weather, eh? I thought it was sposed ter be Summertime, not wintertime! Yous look like a couple of drowned rats, you does! How was your trip, by the by?"  
  
"Exhausting!" Munkustrap panted.

He smiled at Jazzie and quickly added, "In a good way!"  
  
They briskly rubbed themselves down, handed the towels back to Asparagus with nods of thanks and made their weary way to the bar.

No sooner had drinks and food been purchased, then the couple next made their way over to the roaring fire, looking forward to warming themselves in its glow as well as getting in a little more 'them time'. However, if it was a quiet night together they were expecting, they were in for bitter disappointment.

Their hearts collectively sank when they found the comfy leather sofa next to the fire already occupied by a large rosette spotted Bengcoon. His usually long charcoal fur, tapering to points of gold ochre, had been neatly clipped in a continental style that accentuated his muscles and revealed very faint black rosettes on his body, which only appeared when the light caught them at just the right angle. The gold ochre bespotted fur around his torso had been left long and flowing, like a lion's mane (Jazzie thought he looked a bit like a French poodle, but didn't say as much!) He was sitting next to a stunning russet Somali Queen, who was delicately perched upon the sofa with her legs folded underneath her as though she were a royal corgi sitting upon the Queen's throne. "Perhaps we should sit somewhere else-?" Munkustrap suggested, but was interrupted by a toothy smirk and a solid bear hug.  
  
"Heeeey my man! How's it goin Bro?" Rum Tum Tugger greeted him warmly. "We sure missed having you and Frenchie around, didn't we Bomba?"  
  
Bombalurina merely raised an eyebrow and gave a sultry smile as the maned tom hugged Jazzie, gave her a sneaky peck on the cheek and pulled her onto the sofa so that he could nestle between her and the fox red Somali, while Munkustrap had to be content with squeezing in on the end. Rum Tum Tugger then raised his glass of strong smelling clear liquid, bashing it against everyone else's glass of milk. "Cheers!" he said. "So what you guys been up to?"  
  
At that moment, a plate of steaming hot roast chicken was placed upon the table front of them and Rum Tum Tugger immediately began tucking into a drumstick. "Well," began Jazzie, as she daintily picked out a chicken oyster and nibbled at it. "As you know, Munkustrap very kindly took me to Paris for three days. We stayed at my mozzer's house, visited le Louvre, walked along le Champs-Elysées, danced at L'Auteur de Midi...Even in ze rain, it was magical! So good to go back, especially after so long!"  
  
"Alright for some!" Huffed Bombalurina. "When are you going to take _me_ somewhere?"  
  
She glared at Rum Tum Tugger, who shrugged. "Well babe, if you wanna go to Paris, I'm afraid you'll have to find yourself some other mug, and _I'll_ just have to give away your ticket to the Jamboree Folk and Jazz party tonight!"  
  
In his paw he held up a handful of tickets. "Say, I've got two spare if you guys wanna come?" He said.  
  
Before Munkustrap could decline the offer, Jazzie answered for him, "We'd love to! Sank you, Tugger!"  
  
Munkustrap rolled his eyes and sank down into the sofa, chewing moodily on a strip of chicken breast. "So much for a well earned rest!" he groaned inwardly.  
  
Meanwhile, Rum Tum Tugger was still delving into the chicken as though he'd never eaten before. He held a drumstick out to the Somali Queen. "Aren't you having any?" he offered.  
  
Bombalurina made a face. "Nah, I'm trying to give it up!" She replied crisply.  
  
She shifted uneasily and held her fingertips to her mouth as though the thought of eating the greasy poultry had left her feeling slightly unwell. "Strange...you've hardly eaten anything for weeks!" observed Rum Tum Tugger with a suspicious frown, before shrugging again and taking a large bite out of the leg.  
  
"Who are you, the food police or something?" she snapped. "I've just gone off chicken! Alright! Plus, I'm on a diet!"  
  
She sighed and rubbed her slightly swollen abdomen, briefly catching the incredulous eyes of Munkustrap and Jazzie, who both bore looks that said, "You mean...you haven't _told_ him yet?!"  
  
"So anyway," Rum Tum Tugger was saying through a mouthful of chewed up chicken. "I was really lucky to get these tickets, _and_ they didn't cost me a penny!"  
  
Munkustrap frowned. "Seriously?" He asked. "Now surely there must a catch?"  
  
Rum Tum Tugger shrugged again. "No no! No catch-" he said furtively.  
  
"There's ALWAYS a catch!" Said Munkustrap, sounding skeptical. "So this guy gave you a bunch of sought after tickets and didn't expect payment? Yeah right! Come on, what have you roped me into this time? I am NOT dressing up in drag like you made me do for that Cabaret night!

"I'll tell you about that some other time!" he added, upon seeing Jazzie's shocked expression. _"Maybe when Hell freezes over!" He thought._

"Yeah I've got pictures of that somewhere," Rum Tum Tugger said lazily.

Munkustrap looked at him sharply. "Remind me to get them off you so that I can burn them!" He remarked, but Rum Tum Tugger just laughed, revelling in his brother's potential embarrassment.

"Haha! Nah, I'm gonna project them to the whole tribe, see _they_ think," he joked.

"You'd better not," Munkustrap threatened. "Or I'll shave off your mane while you sleep! No actually, I think a half mane would suit you better-!"

"Boys boys!" Interrupted a somewhat irritated Bombalurina. "Come on now! Don't start that again. You know what happened last time!"

"Yes," said Munkustrap matter of factly. "Rum Tum Tugger got his head mysteriously jammed in a piano if I remember rightly-"

"Munkustrap I'm warning you!" Bombalurina glared at him and chided. "One more word and it won't your head that _I_ jam in a piano!"

"He started it...!" Munkustrap started to argue but then caught the dangerous look in her eye and thought wisely of it.

"Ok I'll shut up," he huffed, but secretly smirked.

 _"Ha! I won that round! Stick that brother! Must get that picture back off him at some point though..."_  
  
"Relax Bro, there's no catch!" Rum Tum Tugger continued to assure him. "We just have to perform a couple of sets, that's all!"  
  
Munkustrap gave him another sharp look. "You're kidding?" He said. "You're getting the band back together? But Tugger, The Red Herrings is a rock band, or at least it was!"  
  
"Nothing wrong with branching out a bit is there?" Reasoned Rum Tum Tugger. "We'll be supporting Beni Spears and The Rafters, along with The Shelbys, Wave of The Tail and The Nymph Quartet."  
  
"Wait zat's my group!" exclaimed Jazzie.  
  
"Spot on Frenchie!" Said Rum Tum Tugger, giving her an approving salute. "Tensey, Star and Luci will meet us here very soon."  
  
"But, we haven't rehearsed or anything!" said Munkustrap, panicking.  
  
"Got it all in paw, Bro, got it all in paw!" Rum Tum Tugger said assuringly and handed Munkustrap a fiddle, which was actually a cat sized viola made from bits of salvaged wood and other junk. Then he passed him his old guitar (an empty utility engine oil can with a fretboard and strings).

"Asparagus said we could use this space," He continued. "We've got three hours to practice, so best get on with it!"  
  
Munkustrap shot him a filthy look. "I don't BELIEVE you…!" He growled.  
  
"It's ok!" Rum Tum Tugger reassured him. "You'll only need the fiddle for the second and the final songs. You know, that one old Magic Fingers wrote? Yeah! He's on main fiddle, Alonzo's on drums, Sex Bomb here kindly said she'd do the double bass, while Demeter plays a mean tin whistle. And you're doing guitar and vocals. What's there to moan about?"  
  
"And you…?" Asked Munkustrap, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I shall be playing THIS baby!" He held up his cherished bagpipes (which was actually an old rugby ball with some pipes shoved into it).  
  
"Please tell me you're joking!" Munkustrap begged.  
  
"You play ze fiddle?" Jazzie suddenly asked him.  
  
He responded by see-sawing his paw from side to side and making a face. "Errr, sort of! I haven't played for yonks though!" he explained.  
  
At that moment, a group of cats piled into the pub and there ensued a large amount of rejoicing and greetings as though they hadn't seen Munkustrap and Jazzie for three years, let alone three days! Lucitana, Norstara and Hortenseya all squealed and embraced Jazzie, while Jazzie smiled and admired Hortenseya's growing tummy. "Are you going to be alright to perform?" she asked, with a concerned expression on her face.  
  
"Don't be silly," laughed Hortenseya. "I'm pregnant, not sick!"  
  
"I'll be fine!" she insisted when Jazzie still didn't look convinced.  
  
"She'll be fine!" Mistoffelees interjected, giving Hortenseya a quick squeeze. "I'll be there to make sure there's plenty of water for the pregnant ladies."  
  
Upon seeing Bombalurina, Jazzie and Munkustrap's murderous expressions, he quickly backtracked. "Er...I meant, pregnant _lady_! Silly me! Heh heh! Ahhh…" His voice died as the room fell silent.

"Heh heh!” He chuckled nervously and then turned his attention to Munkustrap.

“Er...Father? Why don't we...practice that duet? You look as though you've never seen a fiddle before!" He quickly suggested.  
  
Slowly the conversations started back up again as the cats began to rehearse and the excitement began to build. However, Jazzie noticed that there was one cat who had not greeted them. Demeter had come in with her half brother Alonzo, but hadn't even bothered to make eye contact with either her or Munkustrap. Instead, she settled herself down onto the sofa and quietly observed the proceedings with her cousin Bombalurina, who placed a protective arm around her. Every so often, Jazzie would feel eyes burning into her back, but whenever she turned around Demeter would quickly look the other way. Jazzie bristled, but before she could march over and ask the black calico what the Hell her problem was, Lucitana grabbed her arm. "What's that noise?" she asked her.  
  
"Munkustrap trying to play the fiddle, apparently!" Norstara laughed.  
  
Munkustrap frowned and paused in his fiddle playing, which was sounding less like a sweet curtain of vibrating strings and more like the squeaking hinges of a rusty iron gate. "I'm sure I'll get the hang of it!" He countered. "At least, I hope I do, otherwise I'm going to look like a complete fool! I have a feeling that _may_ have been your intention, Brother? I wouldn't put it passed you!"  
  
Rum Tum Tugger looked absolutely shocked! "Who moi?" He exclaimed. "How could you _think_ such a thing? I would _never_ try to embarrass my Bro!"  
  
"Easily," said Munkustrap dryly. "And you don't exactly need to try!"

* * *

  
Two hours later, the clowder of cats made its way through the rain. Mistoffelees conjured black umbrellas for them all and lovingly held his over the head of Hortenseya to protect her from the water that was filtering down from the sky. Bombalurina meanwhile was about to hoist her double base within its carrier, when Munkustrap swiftly snatched it out of her paws and swapped it for his viola, fixing her with a quick disapproving stare. He then directed this same stare in his brother's direction. You'd have thought he would have offered to help? But no. He was blissfully swaggering along like he owned the soggy pavement, with his bagpipes perched against his shoulder like Dick Whittington, as the Party made its way towards Edgware Road underground Station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *1 Damn it Jazzminora! I can't believe my eyes! He is magnificent! When will the kittens be born?  
> *2 Mother! I am not pregnant!


	2. Jamboree

The cats reached the end of their forty five minute journey, which had involved taking the Bakerloo line to Elephant and castle, but hopping off at the Oxford Circus station in order to pick up the Central Line to Bank, before catching the Delaware line to Limehouse and then walking the last few yards to Cable Street, Whitechapel. Dressed in cloaks, the group of small cat people; wielding miniature instruments made out of junk, attracted some strange looks to say the least, from members of the public. However, while one or two humans gawped, most simply went back to reading their newspapers, assuming there must have been some sort of strange convention on or something. Others made a point of not looking; choosing instead to stare out of the windows at the speeding blackness. Being British, nobody said anything. That was the funny thing about the humans of London. They could have been sitting next to a combination of Godzilla and Mr Blobby and still, nobody would have batted an eyelid, for they were far too interested in their own tiny worlds to be concerned with what was going on outside of them, and explained why they lived happily alongside a group of extraordinary cat people, whilst being blissfully unaware of their existence.

* * *

  
It was as they turned to walk down Cable Street that Munkustrap suddenly froze. Everyone else did too. All except for Rum Tum Tugger, who was about to carry on striding confidently forwards like he hadn't a care in the world (Which of course, he didn't! Apart from getting to the well stocked bar and the possibility of getting laid with a naive young princess or three!) when he felt his brother's heavy paw clamp down on his shoulder. Feeling slightly annoying at having his strut interrupted, he glanced sideways at the Munkustrap, whose nose and whiskers were twitching and his slightly rounded ears were pricked up. His tail was swinging from side to side like a pendulum, making it blatantly obvious that he was ill at ease. "Say! What's up dude? You got stage fright or something?" Rum Tum Tugger asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Munkustrap ignored him and sniffed the air. "What is it?" asked Jazzie.  
  
"I'm not happy about us straying into another's territory," Munkustrap replied, keeping his voice low. "Especially not this one."  
  
"Who's territory?" scoffed Rum Tum Tugger.  
  
"Vandals," came the grim reply.  
  
"Never heard of them!" Rum Tum Tugger scoffed again, randomly waving an apathetic paw.  
  
"Lucky you," Munkustrap replied ironically, without looking at him.  
  
"Friendly, are they?" Rum Tum Tugger skeptically enquired.

He couldn't see what the fuss was about! He was The Tugger! And he could (And would!) go anywhere he liked! Unliked his brother, who seemed to make enemies left, right and centre. That was his trouble. No social skills whatsoever! As if on cue, Munkustrap growled in reply, "Well, if having your guts pulled out through your nostrils is something that you enjoy, then yes, they are extremely amicable!"  
  
"Look dude, we may as well get to the club, seeing as it's just there and we've come all this way," reasoned Rum Tum Tugger, getting impatient. "We haven't strayed too far into enemy territory, we'll be safe while we're in Jamboree and then we can scarper as soon as it's kicking out time. Chances are they'll never even know we're here!"  
  
"I wish I shared your selfish optimism!" Munkustrap growled again, suppressing a shiver. "At least _you_ won't have to get us all out of trouble when it eventually finds us!"  
  
"Ever the pessimist aren't you?" Rum Tum Tugger mocked. "Well, I'm getting me to the club. You can stand out here in the rain growling at the shadows if you want. Or, you can follow me." He shrugged. "Up to you."  
  
Munkustrap knew he was never going to win this argument. And it was too late to turn back. So, he grudgingly allowed Jazzie and Bombalurina to slip their paws into each of his and drag him onwards, though not before he had turned back to catch the eyes of his sons, Alonzo and Mistoffelees, imparting a look that said, _"Be vigilant!"_  
  
Finally, they made it through the rain to the corner of a line of stark red brick Georgian buildings and walked through the gated archway of the small venue. But as the gate was locked behind them, they didn't notice the shadowy silhouette of something sinister stalking just outside...

* * *

  
The Jamboree was an intimate room packed from floor to ceiling with mismatched old wooden furniture and knick knacks of all kinds. Many items were mounted onto the white walls; from old instruments, to typewriters, old bakelite telephones and even a spinning wheel!  
  
"This place is a dump!" sneered Hortenseya, surveying her surroundings from where she was sitting; around a small table with her companions.  
  
"I think it's rather cosy," Jazzie disagreed. "It reminds me of our Junkyard, only much more interesting!"  
  
At that moment, feedback from the amplifier made them all jump and the pub fell silent. Had a human been there, it wouldn't have been very loud, since the amplifiers had had their volumes turned right down. In fact, they'd have hardly heard a thing! But for the cats, whose sensitive hearing was designed to pick up the footsteps and high frequency calls of small mammals rather than blaring music, it was a good job they had stuffed earplugs into their ears or they would have severely damaged them.

On the small wooden stage, the band had completed their sound check and were as ready as they were ever going to be. The onlookers were met with the haunting sound of bagpipes, which was then coupled with Munkustrap's tenor vocals.

 _"In Archangel I land in the middle o war,_  
_The Adreena was trapped far from shore,_  
_I ran from fire and dodged a great bear,_  
_Who wanted my flesh for his own fair,_  
_I'd have froze to death if not for a Russian maid,_  
_She took me back to her circus palisade,_  
_I was set to work on trapeze and tightrope,_  
_Riding high on fear and hope,_  
_When the time it came to say goodbye,_  
_I went to work as an English spy,_  
_Thank you Russia, it's been grand,_  
_But now I must return to old England,_  
  
_Land in Hampton with far to go,_  
_Decide to stop off at a pub I know,_  
_There I meet a girl I thought I knew well,_  
_But she tricked me and sent me to Hell,_  
_I was captured by her thugs who took me for a slave,_  
_Threatened to rip out my claws were I to misbehave,_  
_I endured starvation and beatings so bad,_  
_The worst experience I've ever had,_  
_I was forced to sing, dance or fight,_  
_Whatever they wanted that was my plight,_  
_The fellow who aided my escape was struck down,_  
_I was pursued through the streets of London town,_  
_I hid in a train, thinking I would die,_  
_But for my cousin who hears my cry,_  
_Helps me return to my base,_  
_I soon recover to find my place,_  
_And vow to take back the life you stole,_  
_To attack you and leave a gaping hole,_  
_A hole that I pledged to fill,_  
_And what do you know, I am there still!"_  
  
This was followed by a fiddle solo, which duetted with Rum Tum Tugger's bagpipes.  
Then Munkustrap joined in over the top for the song finale, with everyone joining in, bopping and folk dancing,  
  
_"Hold out, hold out, my love is as wide as the sea I sail,_  
_Though I maybe far away, My heart lies in London,_  
  
_Hold out, hold out, my love is as wide as the sea I sail,_  
_Though I maybe far away, My heart lies in London,_  
  
_Hold out, hold out, my love is as wide as the sea I sail,_  
_Though I maybe far away, My heart lies in London,_  
_(Hold out, hold out, hold out, hold out, hold out, hold out, hold out, hold out)_  
_Though I maybe far away, My heart lies_  
_My heart lies_  
_My heart lies_  
_In London!"_

(My Heart Lies In London by Munkustrap)

When the song ended, the audience clapped and cheered. Waiting until the clamour had died down before speaking again, Munkustrap used the spare few seconds to swap his guitar for the viola (while Rum Tum Tugger had picked up an accordion from somewhere). "This next song is called Devil In The Woman," he informed them. "Take it away Lonz!"  
  
A rhythmic, tinny beat started up; the kind which makes your paws want to clap and grabs at your feet, making them want to stamp. The hum of the accordion and the squeal of the fiddles made you want to bend your knees and sway your hips, just like The Charming Little Woman, whom Munkustrap and Bombalurina sang about.  
  
_"What's the chief of tom's delight?_ _  
_ _Charming little woman O_ _  
_ _Who can set a tom to rights?_ _  
_ _Charming little woman O_ _  
_ _Who can cut your heart in two?_ _  
_ _Who can beat you black and blue?_ _  
_ _Who can love you better too?_ _  
_ _Charming little woman O_ _  
_ _Who can scratch and roll like fun?_ _  
_ _Charming little woman O_ _  
_ _Who can make a tom to run?_ _  
_ _Charming little woman O_ _  
_ _Fire burning through the rain_ _  
_ _Full of passion full of pain_ _  
_ _Who can get you back again?_ _  
_ _Charming little woman O_ _  
_ _When a tom gets home he's sure to shout_ _  
_ _Charming little woman O_ _  
_ _Who can turn his pockets out?_ _  
_ _Charming little woman O_ _  
_ _Who can get the gammon hot_ _  
_ _Like boiling water in a pot?_ _  
_ _Then you'll find what you have got_ _  
_ _Devil in the woman O_ _  
_ _Who can make a manor tidy?_ _  
_ _Charming little woman O_ _  
_ _Curtain linen up on Friday_ _  
_ _Charming little woman O_ _  
_ _When his fur is neatly done_ _  
_ _Through the work it's undergone_ _  
_ _Who can mess it up again?_ _  
_ _Charming little woman O!"_

(Devil In The Woman by Eliza Carthy and the Wayward band)  
  
"Now, this next song," Munkustrap announced, trying to keep straight face. "Was not written by me. Hell, I wish I had though! It was actually written by a man called Ewan Maccoll of the Pogues and is called Dirty Old Town."  
  
Mistoffelees started up his fiddle as Munkustrap strummed his guitar and the drum beat was a mere metronome; with Demeter's recorder and Rum Tum Tugger's accordion joining them halfway through the song. It was so atmospheric that the hairs of every cat stood on end.  
  
_"I met my love by the gas works wall_ _  
_ _Dreamed a dream by the old canal_ _  
_ _I kissed my girl by the factory wall_ _  
_ _Dirty old town_ _  
_ _Dirty old town_ _  
_ _  
_ _Clouds are drifting across the moon_ _  
_ _Cats are prowling on their beat_ _  
_ _Spring's a girl from the streets at night_ _  
_ _Dirty old town_ _  
_ _Dirty old town_ _  
_ _  
_ _I heard a siren from the docks_ _  
_ _Saw a train set the night on fire_ _  
_ _I smelled the spring on the smoky wind_ _  
_ _Dirty old town_ _  
_ _Dirty old town_ _  
_ _  
_ _I'm going to make me a good sharp axe_ _  
_ _Shining steel tempered in the fire_ _  
_ _I'll chop you down like an old dead tree_ _  
_ _Dirty old town_ _  
_ _Dirty old town_ _  
_ _  
_ _I met my love by the gas works wall_ _  
_ _Dreamed a dream by the old canal_ _  
_ _I kissed my girl by the factory wall_ _  
_ _Dirty old town_ _  
_ _Dirty old town_ _  
_ _  
_ _Dirty old town_ _  
_ _Dirty old town."_

(Dirty Old Town by The Pogues)  
  
Amid yet more clapping and caterwauling, Munkustrap hailed the crowd, "Thank you! We are The Red Herrings. On violin, we have Mistoffelees; let's give him a cheer!"  
  
Mistoffelees smiled shyly and bowed. "On double bass we have the ravishing Bombalurina!"  
  
She gave a sultry smirk and blew the audience a kiss. "On recorder and tin whistle, we have Demeter!" He continued.

Demeter responded to the acknowledgement by giving the audience a demure smile and a nod. "On drums, we have Alonzo, give us a bash Lonz, let us know you're here!"  
  
Alonzo duly obliged. "And of course, I could go without mentioning The Rum Tum Tugger, who is playing my favourite instrument in all the World! No, we do not need a demonstration thank you! We already know that it sounds like a duck on helium."  
  
Rum Tum Tugger ignored his brother's comment and gave the bagpipes an almighty 'paaaaarp!' receiving the biggest cheer of the night thus far. "You've been a fantastic audience, thank you so much!" said Munkustrap, and they all left the stage.  
  
There were disappointed groans and shouts of, "Encore!" And slowly, the band began to filter back onto the stage. But this time, Rum Tum Tugger held Munkustrap's guitar, which Munkustrap had swapped for the viola.  
  
"This piece is called Fire and Ice and was written by our wonderfully talented magician," Munkustrap declared. "Mistoffelees? If you would care to count us in?"  
  
The crowd grew silent again and waited nervously, ready to put their paws over their ears! Munkustrap tucked the viola under his chin, held the bow to the strings and made eye contact with his son. Mistoffelees nodded and counted, "...Two, three, four…" and the band burst into life with a glorious Irish jig. And the audience needn't have worried, because Munkustrap played passably well; not quite as refined as his son, who was master of his violin, but still, well enough to have everyone up and dancing around (only hitting a couple of bum notes, but no one seemed to notice!) The tin whistle trickled in, giving the piece an extra je ne sais quoi and then things started to get a little crazy, but the crowd loved it, roaring its appreciation when Munkustrap, Rum Tum Tugger and Mistoffelees stood at the front and began to gavotte upon the tiny stage. The tempo quickened as the music reached its finale and finished to excited whistles and cheers. Munkustrap bowed. "Thank you! You've been grand! And now, it is my pleasure to announce the next act. Give it up for, The Shelby's, everyone!"  
  
As he left the stage, he was not aware that a pair of deep copper eyes were watching his every move. But while he was walking through the crowd, he felt something unexpectedly brush his paw. Instinctively turning to smile politely at whoever was trying to get his attention, he was surprised to find Mungojerry's grinning face.  
  
"Alright Guvnor?" The ginger Torbie Tabby asked. "You look like you lost sommink?"  
  
Ignoring him, Munkustrap shrugged and contined onwards to the bar. With it being rather high, he and the other cat's had to jump up onto it in order to get the bar maid's attention, which was not a problem. "What can I get ya?" the sable and seal point Ojos Azules shouted up to him from behind the bar.  
  
"Your finest moonshine please, Sonora-" Rum Tum Tugger interrupted.  
  
"I was serving this gentleman! I'll get to you after!" She snapped. "Yes Sir?" she repeated.  
  
"Water please," Munkustrap requested.  
  
"Small or large?" She asked.  
  
"Best make it a large," he said decisively.  
  
"Ice and slice?" She asked again.  
  
"Just the ice," he responded with a polite smile.  
  
"Coming right up, Sir. Nice playing by the way!" she praised him, batting her dark blue eyes.  
  
She filled a glass with ice, then grabbed a hose from its holder and filled a half pint glass with cool, fresh water. "Thank you." Munkustrap gave her a courteous nod and jumped down.  
  
"Pushing the boat out as usual Bro?" Rum Tum Tugger commented, as Sonora climbed onto the bar and leaned over in order to hand Munkustrap the glass of water.  
  
Munkustrap reached up to grab it and shrugged again, then took a large glug before answering, "A: it's free. B: I'm thirsty, and C: unlike you, I need every single one of my faculties intact!"  
  
"Suit yourself," his brother replied, knocking back a small glass of crystal clear liquid.  
  
"I shall," Munkustrap responded, smiling and putting his arm around Jazzie, who had Just wondered over. "Just don't get too rat-arsed, ok? I'm not carrying you home!"  
  
He gratefully turned his attention away from his brother and steered it towards the gorgeous Snowshoe in front of him. But being almost five inches taller than she was, he had to bend slightly in order to allow her to place her paws around his broad shoulders and lightly kiss him. "You were fantastique!" she exclaimed, her light blue eyes sparkling. "Did you write zose songs?"  
  
"The first one I did," he replied.  
  
"Who was it about?" She queried.  
  
Munkustrap smiled. "I'll tell you later," he said.  
  
She gave him a forceful look. "Promise?" She said.  
  
"Promise," he echoed.  
  
"Hmmm, d'accord..." She sighed, seeming momentarily satisfied.

"Oh! I have to go talk to someone," she said suddenly.  
  
"Ok hun. I'll be right here," he promised.  
  
"See you in a minute!" She quickly finished, giving him one last peck before melting into the crowd, closely followed by an envious glare.

A set of lips pouted and sang quietly into the mic, their owner hidden from view behind one of the yellow stage curtains.  
  
_"I got a girl crush_ _  
_ _Hate to admit it but_ _  
_ _I got a heart rush_ _  
_ _Ain't slowing down_ _  
_ _  
_ _I got it real bad_ _  
_ _Want everything she has_ _  
_ _That smile and that midnight laugh_ _  
_ _She's giving you now_ _  
_ _I want to taste her lips_ _  
_ _Yeah, 'cause they taste like you_ _  
_ _I want to drown myself_ _  
_ _In a bottle of her perfume_ _  
_ _I want her little white paws_ _  
_ _I want her magic touch_ _  
_ _Yeah, 'cause maybe then_ _  
_ _You'd want me just as much_ _  
_ _I got a girl crush_ _  
_ _I got a girl crush_ _  
_ _  
_ _I don't get no sleep_ _  
_ _I don't get no peace_ _  
_ _Thinking about her_ _  
_ _Under your bed sheets_ _  
_ _The way that she's whispering_ _  
_ _The way that she's pulling you in_ _  
_ _Lord knows I've tried,_ _  
_ _I can't get her off my mind_ _  
_ _I want to taste her lips_ _  
_ _Yeah, 'cause they taste like you_ _  
_ _I want to drown myself_ _  
_ _In a bottle of her perfume_ _  
_ _I want her big blue eyes_ _  
_ _I want her magic touch_ _  
_ _Yeah, 'cause maybe then_ _  
_ _You'd want me just as much_ _  
_ _  
_ _I got a girl crush_ _  
_ _I got a girl crush_ _  
_ _Hate to admit it but_ _  
_ _I got a heart rush_ _  
_ _It ain't slowing down."_  
(Girl Crush by Little Big Town)  
  
The Shelby's kicked their set into gear and everyone turned to watch as the queen group consisting of Jemima, Electra, Etcetera and Rumpleteazer began to strut their stuff with a second sexy number done in a folky style,  
  
_"You should take it as a compliment_ _  
_ _That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk."_  
  
"Strange," Munkustrap said to himself. "Is it just me, or is Rumpleteazer staring in _my_ direction?"  
  
So what if she was? She always made fun of the way he spoke, even when she was sober! In fact, winding him up seemed to be one of her and Mungojerry's favourite pastimes. Besides stealing, of course!  
  
_"You should think about the consequence_ _  
_ _Of your magnetic field being a little too strong."_  
  
Her eyes were definitely blazing at him, and he sincerely hoped that no one else had noticed.  
  
_"And I got a boyfriend, he's older than us,_ _  
_ _He's in the club doing, I don't know what,_ _  
_ _You're so cool, it makes me hate you so much (I hate you so much),_ _  
_ _Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine,_ _  
_ _You've ruined my life, by not being mine."_  
  
Munkustrap’s jaw dropped. "What...!?" He spluttered.  
  
_"You're so gorgeous,_ _  
_ _I can't say anything to your face,_ _  
_ _'Cause look at your face,_ _  
_ _And I'm so furious,_ _  
_ _At you for making me feel this way,_ _  
_ _But, what can I say?_ _  
_ _You're gorgeous."_  
  
This had to be a wind up. There was no other explanation that Munkustrap could think of!  
  
_"You should take it as a compliment,_ _  
_ _That I'm talking to everyone here but you (but you, but you),_ _  
_ _And you should think about the consequence,_ _  
_ _Of you touching my hand in the darkened room (dark room, dark room)"_  
  
Realisation dawned as he felt the lingering tingle on his paw where he'd been touched. The cheeky mare! As he stared back, she held his gaze and calmly walked from the stage, with the crowd parting as she moved towards him.  
  
_"If you've got a girlfriend, I'm jealous of her,_ _  
_ _But if you're single that's honestly worse,_ _  
_ _'Cause you're so gorgeous it actually hurts,_ _  
_ _(Honey, it hurts)"_  
  
Deep copper eyes gazed into his and Munkustrap held them, feeling vaguely amused. Whatever game she was playing, he wasn't about to rise to it.  
  
_"Ocean blue eyes looking in mine,_ _  
_ _I feel like I might sink and drown and die."_  
  
She was close enough for her whiskers to brush his and it looked as though she was about to kiss him. But before she went any further she suddenly pulled away and slunk back to the stage, though not before turning to pout and wink over her shoulder as she sang,  
  
_"You're so gorgeous,_ _  
_ _I can't say anything to your face (to your face),_ _  
_ _'Cause look at your face (look at your face)_ _  
_ _And I'm so furious_ _  
_ _At you for making me feel this way_ _  
_ _But what can I say?_ _  
_ _You're gorgeous,_ _  
_ _You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah_ _  
_ _There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have,_ _  
_ _You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad,_ _  
_ _You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah_ _  
_ _There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have,_ _  
_ _Guess I'll just stumble on home to my flat,_ _  
_ _Alone, unless you wanna come along?"_

Munkustrap raised his eyebrows and gave her a sarcastic expression. _"Yeah! Nice try!"_ He thought.  
  
He strongly suspected that his pregnant twins Etcetera and Electra were also in on the jape, along with his niece Jemima. However, to his surprise, instead of giggling hysterically, they were actually giving Rumpleteazer incredulous sideways glances as though they were about as clued up as he was as to what planet the ginger torbie thought she was on! " _Most_   _Odd,_ " he mused. _"Ah well! Whatever! She always was two sandwiches short of a picnic anyway!"_  
  
She did seem a little put out by the lack of encouragement on his part, though!  
  
_"Oh! You're so gorgeous,_ _  
_ _I can't say anything to your face (to your face),_ _  
_ _'Cause look at your face (look at your face),_ _  
_ _And I'm so furious (I'm so furious),_ _  
_ _At you for making me feel this way (feel this way),_ _  
_ _But what can I say? (I say)_ _  
_ _You're gorgeous,_ _  
_ _You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah_ _  
_ _There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have,_ _  
_ _You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad,_ _  
_ _You're gorgeous,_ _  
_ _You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah,_ _  
_ _There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have,_ _  
_ _You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad_ _  
_ _You're gorgeous!"_  
(Gorgeous by Tailor Swift)  
  
Rum Tum Tugger stared at his brother, open mouthed. "What was _that_ all about?" he demanded.  
  
"Damned if I know!" Came the gruff reply.

Munkustrap shrugged and went back to nursing his waterglass, fervently hoping that Jazzie hadn't just seen! "It was probably just Teazer mucking about, you know what she's like!" Rum Tum Tugger decided for him.  
  
"I won't take that as an insult," Munkustrap replied.  
  
"Well, she'd hardly go after you if she was in her right mind, would she?" Rum Tum Tugger reasoned.  
  
Munkustrap responded with a dry laugh, "Oh hah hah!"

“I mean, ain't she a bit young for you? I thought you liked your queens a bit more...mature shall we say?” Rum Tum Tugger carried on.

Munkustrap flashed him a glare. “Have you quite finished?” he growled.

* * *

 

Meanwhile, Jazzie made her way to the corner the the room. Where was she? Aha! There she was! The black calico was sitting at a lonely table all by herself, not really paying much attention to anything that was going on around her. "Mind if I sit here?" asked Jazzie, pulling a chair out for herself.  
  
Demeter didn't answer, so Jazzie sat down anyway. There was an awkward silence. Then, tentatively, Jazzie spoke, asking a question that had been burning her up inside, "Demeter, I want us to be friends. Why don't you want zat too?"  
  
Still no answer.  
  
"Surely you hate zis as much as I do?" Jazzie carried on, her voice getting steadily louder. "Why can't we make peace? Why do you hate me? Demeter!?"  
  
"Because you took him away from me!" Demeter shouted. "You're so young and...pretty. You made him push me away!"  
  
"You pushed yourself away!" Jazzie argued.  
  
"I was his number one!" Demeter continued. "But you took that crown from me!"  
  
"We both know zat's not true," Jazzie responded. He loves you, isn't zat what counts, razzer zan 'who he loves more?' Zat is so petty!"  
  
"Do YOU love him?" Demeter snarled.  
  
Without hesitation, Jazzie answered, "More zan ze Earth itself. So much zat he terrifies me."  
  
"Then you understand how I feel," said Demeter. "If you choose to fall in love with Munkustrap then you may as well fall in love with the wind, it'll stick around longer. Though not before it slowly strips you to the bone."  
  
"I don't think anybody chooses to fall in love," Jazzie said reasonably. "But I if could choose zen I would choose him every time. As long as I love him, I can endure what life throws at me."  
  
"Then either you are a fool or you are a better queen than me, Jazzie," Demeter remarked. "Maybe that is why I hate you so much! You don't make it easy for me to hate you, you know. You're so...nice."  
  
"We don't have to be best friends," said Jazzie, with a plea in her voice. "But can we at least call a truce? You know how much it upsets him, seeing his queens fighting when he himself fights so hard for peace."  
  
"He said that?" Demeter said suddenly.  
  
"He told me a lot of things," Jazzie admitted. "He was...very honest."

During their few days spent in Paris together, she got gotten to know the silver Bengcoon very well. They had told each other their life stories. And what a story Munkustrap’s was! Parts of it were simply harrowing, but as a result, she now more respect and love for him then she ever would have thought possible.  
  
Just as she was mulling over some of their more intimate moments during their stay, Jazzie looked lovingly over to where Munkustrap was still standing. And felt her blood run cold.

She couldn't help but stare as, in seemingly slow motion Rumpleteazer slipped from the stage and headed towards her Silver tom, noticing with disappointment that he made no attempt to move away, as her lips came within brushing distance of his… _"It is one sing to talk about sharing, but quite anozzer to put it into practice,"_ Jazzie thought dryly as she tore her gaze away and turned back around to face Demeter.

The Golden Calico had a dark smirk on her face. She had clearly seen everything. "Feels good doesn't it?" She said sarcastically. "That pain. That jealousy!"  
  
"Jealousy is like a maggot zat eats at your brain and rots it. So I do not feel it," Jazzie returned icily. "You need to curb zat jealous heart of yours, Demeter. I see it burning your soul and if you are not careful zen you will wind up like Munkustrap's older brozzer! Unlike you, I am grateful for what I have and I am only too happy to share with someone else who is in need. It is what I do. I do not long for what I don't have. I do not even long for his love. If he told me he loved me simply to make me feel better or to satisfy himself, then I can deal wiz zat."  
  
"Is that what you really think?"  
  
Jazzie spun round. She hadn't realised he was standing behind her! He caught Demeter's eye, but she burst into tears and pushed passed him into the crowd. Jazzie shrugged. "I try," she sighed.  
  
Munkustrap smiled. "Then you can hold your head high," he said.  
  
But he was puzzled when she didn't smile back. _"Oh dear! I’m in trouble now!"_ he thought.

He gently held her arms and eased her out of her chair so that she stood facing him. "How much did you see?" he asked her seriously.  
  
"Enough!" She sharply replied.  
  
"I couldn't stop her-" he began.  
  
"Well you made no effort to fend her off did you!" She snapped.  
  
Munkustrap was quiet. What could he say? He was about to try to say something, when there came a sudden announcement from the stage. "Thank you all so much for your amazing company, London," said a minky lilac Burmese. "My name is Bellatriss and you have been listening to Wave Of The Tail. It is now time for us to say goodnight, but before we go, it is my great pleasure to announce the next act. Please welcome, The Nymph Quartet!"  
  
"Sacrebleu! Chez moi!" Jazzie panicked.  
  
Munkustrap shoved her towards the stage. "Go!" He told her. "We'll talk later! Bowl them over kid!"  
  
"Jazzie where've you been?" fussed Lucitana.

She grabbed Jazzie's arm and dragged her up onstage, just as Norstara was beginning to tap the drums. Hortenseya began to play her violin and Lucitana dived behind the piano. Jazzie grabbed her lyre just in time and together they sang in beautiful harmony,  
  
_"Elle sort de son lit_ _  
_ _Tellement sur d'elle_ _  
_ _La seine, la seine, la seine_ _  
_ _Tellement jolie elle m'ensorcelle_ _  
_ _La seine, la seine, la seine_ _  
_ _Extralucide la lune est sur_ _  
_ _La seine, la seine, la seine_ _  
_ _Tu n'es pas saoul_ _  
_ _Paris est sous_ _  
_ _La seine, la seine, la seine_ _  
_ _Je ne sais, ne sais, ne sais pas pourquoi_ _  
_ _On s'aime comme ça, la seine et moi_ _  
_ _Je ne sais, ne sais, ne sais pas pourquoi_ _  
_ _On s'aime comme ça la seine et moi_ _  
_ _Extra lucille quand tu es sur_ _  
_ _La seine, la seine, la seine_ _  
_ _Extravagante quand l'ange est sur_ _  
_ _La seine, la seine, la seine_ _  
_ _Je ne sais, ne sais, ne sais pas pourquoi_ _  
_ _On s'aime comme ça, la seine et moi_ _  
_ _Je ne sais, ne sais, ne sais pas pourquoi_ _  
_ _On s'aime comme ça la seine et moi_ _  
_ _Sur le Pont des Arts_ _  
_ _Mon cœur vacille_ _  
_ _Entre deux eaux_ _  
_ _L'air est si bon_ _  
_ _Cet air si pur_ _  
_ _Je le respire_ _  
_ _Nos reflets perchés_ _  
_ _Sur ce pont_ _  
_ _On s'aime comme ça la seine et moi_ _  
_ _On s'aime comme ça la seine et moi_ _  
_ _On s'aime comme ça la seine et moi_ _  
_ _On s'aime comme ça la seine et moi!"_  
(La Seine by Vanessa Paradis)  
  
The audience was quickly up and dancing, showing appreciation for their new favourite song, knowing that they would be humming it for the next seven days. Then the cheering died down and the cats all listened intently as the piano gently played, the violin wailed and the lyre tinkled, while a soft, sweet melody emanated from Norstara's sanza, which was made out of an old sardine can. There were no drums necessary for this slow number, which was so hauntingly beautiful that even the spiders in the rafters stopped spinning their webs in order to listen to Jazzie's delicate alto,  
  
_"Mon Dieu! Mon Dieu! Mon Dieu!_ _  
_ _Laissez-le-moi_ _  
_ _Encore un peu_ _  
_ _Mon amoureux!_ _  
_ _Un jour, deux jours, huit jours_ _  
_ _Laissez-le-moi_ _  
_ _Encore un peu_ _  
_ _À moi_ _  
_ _Le temps de s'adorer_ _  
_ _De se le dire_ _  
_ _Le temps de se fabriquer_ _  
_ _Des souvenirs_ _  
_ _Mon Dieu! Oh oui, mon Dieu!_ _  
_ _Laissez-le-moi_ _  
_ _Remplir un peu_ _  
_ _Ma vie_ _  
_ _Mon Dieu! Mon Dieu! Mon Dieu!_ _  
_ _Laissez-le-moi_ _  
_ _Encore un peu_ _  
_ _Mon amoureux_ _  
_ _Six mois, trois mois, deux mois_ _  
_ _Laissez-le-moi_ _  
_ _Pour seulement_ _  
_ _Un mois_ _  
_ _Le temps de commencer_ _  
_ _Ou de finir_ _  
_ _Le temps des illuminer_ _  
_ _Ou de souffrir_ _  
_ _Mon Dieu! Mon Dieu! Mon Dieu!_ _  
_ _Même si j'ai tort_ _  
_ _Laissez-le-moi_ _  
_ _Un peu_ _  
_ _Même si j'ai tort_ _  
_ _Laissez-le-moi_ _  
_ _Encore!"_  
(Mon Dieu by Edith Piaf)  
  
Jazzie finished her song and was greeted with silence. Her eyes quickly scanned the room and landed upon Munkustrap. He was pressing his finger and thumb to either side of his lips, as though trying to hold something in, and even in the dim light she could see that his eyes were glistening. Despite only knowing a little French, he had clearly understood every word. And those words had hit a number of nerves. _"Oh no!"_ she thought. _"I didn't mean to upset you, my love!"_  
  
But before she could beat a hasty departure, the audience began to clap, quietly at first, but then the clapping built into cheers, along with the mass wiping of eyes. Jazzie smiled with relief. "Sank you very much!" she declared. "And now it is time, ladies and gentletoms, for ze band we have all been waiting for. Please welcome, Beni Spears and The Rafters!"  
  
She and her band exited the stage as a rather scruffy group of tom cats, fronted by a gruff looking Khao Manee she-cat, marched onto it, to great excitement from the crowd.

Beni Spears was a blinding white and as she sang, her odd coloured eyes flashed blue and amber, while the crowd obediently danced and sang along to the well known songs.  
  
_"Good girls are pretty like all the time_ _  
_ _I'm just pretty some of the time_ _  
_ _Good girls are happy and satisfied_ _  
_ _I won't stop asking until I die_ _  
_ _  
_ _I just can't deal with the rules_ _  
_ _I can't take the pressure_ _  
_ _It's got me saying ooh, yeah..._ _  
_ _  
_ _Who's that girl that you dream of?_ _  
_ _Who's that girl that you think you love?_ _  
_ _Who's that girl, well I'm nothing like her_ _  
_ _I know there's no such girl_ _  
_ _I swear I can't take the pressure_ _  
_ _Who's that girl?_ _  
_ _  
_ _Good girls don't say no or ask you why_ _  
_ _I won't let you love me until you really try_ _  
_ _Good girls are sexy like everyday_ _  
_ _I'm only sexy when I say it's okay_ _  
_ _  
_ _I just can't deal with the rules_ _  
_ _I can't take the pressure, oh no_ _  
_ _It's got me saying ooh, yeah..._ _  
_ _  
_ _Who's that girl that you dream of?_ _  
_ _Who's that girl that you think you love?_ _  
_ _Who's that girl, what if I'm nothing like her_ _  
_ _I know there's no such girl_ _  
_ _I swear I can't take the pressure_ _  
_ _Who's that girl?_ _  
_ _  
_ _Let's play a game that you've never tried_ _  
_ _You be the girl and I'll be the guy_ _  
_ _Let's pretend everything has changed, and then_ _  
_ _Would you love me any different?_ _  
_ _  
_ _I just can't deal with the rules_ _  
_ _I can't take the pressure, oh no_ _  
_ _Who's that girl?_ _  
_ _  
_ _Who's that girl that you dream of?_ _  
_ _Who's that girl that you think you love?_ _  
_ _Who's that girl, what if I'm nothing like her_ _  
_ _I know there's no such girl_ _  
_ _I swear I can't take the pressure_ _  
_ _Who's that girl?_ _  
_ _Who's that girl?_ _  
_ _Who's that girl that you dream of?_ _  
_ _Who's that girl that you think you love?_ _  
_ _Who's that girl, what if I'm nothing like her_ _  
_ _I know there's no such girl_ _  
_ _I swear I can't take the pressure_ _  
_ _Who's that girl?"_  
(Who's That Girl by Robyn)  
  
While this was going on, Jazzie fought her way through the tightly packed, jostling bodies, towards the open arms of her Silver Statue and gratefully sank into them, feeling him holding her tightly for what seemed like an eternity. He was shaking. Slowly, she looked up and noticed a single tear had managed to escape from his aqua gold eyes, so she carefully wiped it away, giggling as he gave her a sad smile and delicately kissed her. "Wow, Jazz," he whispered. "Just...wow! Bast woman! What are you trying to do to me?"  
  
"Was my performance up to standard?" she enquired.  
  
"Like liquid diamonds, my dear," he wholeheartedly approved. "I have literally run out of goosebumps!"  
  
"I love you so much!" she cried.  
  
"I love you too," he replied. "Shall we dance?"  
  
"Oh yes!" She said excitedly, bouncing up and down. "J'adore zis song also!"  
  
But while they danced, they didn't notice someone in the corner watching them.  
  
_"Somebody said you got a new friend_ _  
_ _Does she love you better than I can?_ _  
_ _There's a big black sky over my town_ _  
_ _I know where you're at, I bet she's around_ _  
_ _Yeah, I know it's stupid_ _  
_ _I just gotta see it for myself_ _  
_ _  
_ _I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, ohh_ _  
_ _I'm right over here, why can't you see me, ohh_ _  
_ _I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home, ooo_ _  
_ _I keep dancing on my own (I keep dancing on my own)_ _  
_ _  
_ _I'm just gonna dance all night_ _  
_ _I'm all messed up, I'm so out of line_ _  
_ _Stilettos and broken bottles_ _  
_ _I'm spinning around in circles_ _  
_ _  
_ _I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, ohh_ _  
_ _I'm right over here, why can't you see me, ohh_ _  
_ _I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home, ooo_ _  
_ _I keep dancing on my own (I keep dancing on my own)_ _  
_ _  
_ _So far away, but still so near_ _  
_ _The lights go on, the music dies_ _  
_ _But you don't see me standing here_ _  
_ _I just came to say goodbye_ _  
_ _  
_ _I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, ohh_ _  
_ _I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home, ohh_ _  
_ _I keep dancing on my own (I keep dancing on my own)_ _  
_ _  
_ _I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, ohh_ _  
_ _I'm right over here, why can't you see me, ohh_ _  
_ _I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home, ooo_ _  
_ _I keep dancing on my own (I keep dancing on my own)_ _  
_ _I keep dancing on my own."_  
(Dancing On My Own by Robyn)  
  
The song finally ended and the out of breath couple made their way over to where a few of their party was seated around a small table. Without saying a word, Munkustrap swiftly snatched the glass of champagne out of Bombalurina's paw and replaced it with a glass of water, before emptying the contents of the champagne glass into a nearby saxophone that was mounted on the wall. To say that the Somali Queen was a bit miffed was an understatement. In fact, she positively snarled at him and fixed him with a filthy glare! "Spoil sport!" she hissed.  
  
"Someone has to be!" he scolded.  
  
"Well if you carry on fussing over me, they're bound to twig!" she snapped. "Plus, it's my body!"  
  
"They're MY kittens!" He snapped back, rounding on her.  
  
She looked away and cast her eyes down. Munkustrap sighed and said more gently, "Look, I'm sorry my dear. I am concerned for you, that's all."  
  
"Yeah well, I don't need a babysitter. I can look after myself, thanks!" She replied narkily.  
  
"I don't doubt that," he reasoned. "But you will soon have more than yourself to look after and that is what worries me, judging by your track record."  
  
"And what is THAT supposed to mean?" She shouted.  
  
"You know full well what I mean, Bombalurina!" He responded just as forcefully.  
  
She noted that he had used her full name to show that he was deadly serious. Well when wasn't he? "I am worried that you will get the urge to run away again,” he said, once again adopting a softer tone. “Promise me you'll not abandon these ones, for I do not relish the thought of becoming a single father for a second time, particularly as Jennyanydots and Jellylorum have their own paws full."  
  
"If you must know, I’m scared…" she admitted nervously.  
  
He took hold of her paw under the table and gave it a squeeze. "What of?" he asked.  
  
"That I won't be good enough!" She said honestly. "Hell, I failed at being a mother once, who's to say it won't happen again? I guess I thought that if I pretended it wasn't happening, then maybe I won't have to deal with it."  
  
Munkustrap gave her a stark reply that was typical of him, especially when emotions were running high. Blunt and to the point! "Well, you're going to have to start dealing with it, because soon it's going to be blindingly obvious and that lot will start asking questions!"

He nodded towards the party of Jellicles, and continued, "With regards to motherhood, I need you to stop worrying about whether or not you will be good enough. Allow yourself to acknowledge the life that is growing inside of you as a miraculous and wonderful thing, then _maybe_ you can start to love it, and then _perhaps_ you'll want to take better care of it? _That_ will be good enough!"

She to concede, he had a fair point! "Thanks Munk!" She said, leaning over and affectionately kissing him on the cheek.  
  
He smiled back. "My pleasure," he replied, bringing their conversion to a positive conclusion. "How about I get us some more water...?"

"That would be-" Bombalurina didn't get any further.  
  
He was about to go to the bar again when suddenly she let out a gasp. "Is everything alright?" he asked, his fur standing on end.  
  
"My tummy hurts!" She grimaced and doubled over, clutching her abdomen.

"Huh! What's happening?" she screamed.  
  
She reached down. And when she brought her paw back up, she stared at it in horror. It was covered in blood. She shook her head in disbelief. "No...!" She cried.  
  
She looked wildly at Munkustrap. "Munkustrap do something!" she pleaded.  
  
"Alright..." he said calmly, holding her shoulders and trying to sound like he was in control of things, when inwardly he was panicking just as much as she was!

"Try not to panic," he told her. "You'll only make it worse."  
  
Then he whistled loudly. "Jazzie!" He called.  
  
"Oui?" Asked Jazzie destractedly.  
  
But on hearing his urgent tone, she was alert in an instant. "What's wrong?" She asked, concerned.

"Bombi's in trouble!" Munkustrap explained.  
  
"Sacrebleu!" Jazzie exclaimed, after she had examined the Somali Queen. "We need to get her to ze Infirmary, asap!"  
  
"I'll call Mistoffelees," said Munkustrap.

"MISTO!" He hollared. "MISTOFFELEES! Over here!"  
  
He gesticulated for his son to come over. And eventually he did, rather reluctantly. But on seeing the tension and panic in the eyes of his mother and father, he immediately sobered up, just as Jazzie had done. "What's wrong?" he asked.  
  
"It's Bombalurina," Jazzie explained.  
  
"The kittens-?" He started to ask, looking concerned.  
  
"I cannot say for certain," said Jazzie urgently. "But what is for certain is zat she needs to get to ze Infirmary, RIGHT NOW."  
  
Mistoffelees dutifully nodded. Then he produced a red cloth from seemingly nowhere and shook it out. "I can conjure us there," he said. "But I can only take a maximum of two cats, including myself."  
  
"Take her," said Jazzie. "Ze rest of us will meet you zere!"  
  
The magician saluted. "Will do, Ma'am!" He replied, and set to work.  
  
"Say what's going on?" slurred Rum Tum Tugger as he materialised from the crowd. "Not leaving already are you, Bomba? You haven't danced with the Beast yet!"  
  
Munkustrap glared at him. "For your information, Brother, your mate is-" he started to sharply explain.  
  
"Pissed as a fart!" Bombalurina interrupted, laughing merrily and swaying slightly, whilst deliberately ignoring the incredulous looks coming from Munkustrap, Mistoffelees and Jazzie.

"Yeah, that's right!" She continued. "Too much champers for _this_ lady. Mistoffelees here is just taking me for a little lie down, isn't that right sweetie? Ciao babes!"  
  
She gave Rum Tum Tugger a little wave and before he could argue, blew him a kiss and vanished along with Mistoffelees in a shower of blue stars. Munkustrap shook his head. "Un-fucking-believable!" He muttered.  
  
Then he grabbed The Charcoal Bengcoon before he could do another vanishing act. "Make yourself useful!" He ordered. "Round everyone up, tell them we're leaving!"  
  
Rum Tum Tugger started to laugh, " _You_ might be bro-!"  
  
"I SAID WE'RE LEAVING!" Munkustrap roared.  
  
Rum Tum Tugger took an immediate step back from his brother's blast of rage, holding up his paws in a vain attempt to shield himself. "Alright! Keep your mullet on Duran Duran!" He complained. "Jeesh! I'll go round up the gang. Just say it, don't have to spray it!" And with that, he practically flew into the crowd.  
  
Munkustrap glared after him; thinking that he had better or his life wouldn't be worth living! When all of a sudden he felt a chill on the back of his neck, making his fur stand on end. However, this had occurred enough times now for him to know exactly what was behind him. "And they say bad luck comes in threes..." he muttered again.  
  
With a sickening sense of dread, he braced himself for yet more bad news and slowly turned around, finding himself face to face with the ghost of a huge slate blue Maine Coon. "Poseidon. What bodes?" he asked.  
  
"Sorry to bother you Sir," said the ghost. "But the Golden Calico is in trouble out front."  
  
"Demeter…!" He gasped.  
  
Without stopping to thank the ghost, he turned and ran for the entrance; having to leap over dancing couples and hop across shoulders in order to get there. Several cats snarled angrily and turned to cuff whoever had rudely stepped on them, but before they even had a chance to, he had already disappeared. He was in such a hurry that he almost crashed into Alonzo in his haste! "Lonz! Help Tugger gather everyone together," he instructed. "YOU are in charge of their safety! There is trouble out front, no time to explain…!"  
  
"Yeah, but, what-?"  
  
Alonzo didn't get a chance to finish, because Munkustrap had already gone.


	3. The Vandals

All was quiet outside the venue. Then he remembered! He still had his earplugs in. He quickly removed them and his ears were instantly met with a cacophony of sounds. Raindrops smashed into the concrete paving slabs while the wind whistled through the narrow streets. The distant sticky rumble of car tyres thundering over the wet tarmac was permeated with the faint warble of a police siren. As he strained to listen, his ears began to pick up other noises too. The echolocation of a pipistrelle bat somewhere in the roof of the building. The squeaks, squeals and rustling of rats and mice coming from somewhere nearby. The vibrating wings of a large, yellow underwing moth attracted by the porch light sounded like a helicopter to him. He immediately noted that the gate was open and the guard who was supposed to have been manning it was nowhere in sight; nor was there sign of Demeter. She had definitely passed through here very recently though, because her scent still lingered in the damp air. However, it was also mixed with other scents, which were unfamiliar. Toms. At least eight of them. As if on cue, the sounds of a struggle rent the night air; claws scraping on cement, and an angry hiss immediately followed by a frightened whimper. He uttered a low growl and his tail thrashed. There were hushed whispers behind him, but he didn't need to turn his head to recognise the individuals making them; just as they could tell without having to ask that the situation had become very tense. Some also began to growl and scrape their feet, but Munkustrap held out a paw, motioning for calm. He flashed Alonzo a brief glare and his son knew what it meant: 'Stay put and be prepared, for anything!' “No sense in us both going down,” Munkustrap warned. “You know the drill. Keep them safe and take over if I fall. But _only_ if I fall!”  
  
Alonzo swallowed and nodded. Then Munkustrap crept out of the entrance and headed towards the sounds; a fire, fuelled by dread, growing inside him with every silent step.

* * *

  
Demeter wiped tears from her face as she made her way outside. She just needed a breather, a break from the noise of the stuffy club so that she could think clearly. To stand in the rain and let the sky pour its misery down upon her. “Open the gate please,” she ordered the guard.  
  
“Certainly Marm,” he nodded and held it open for her.  
  
She slipped through and walked around the corner, lifting her face up to the sky and letting the raindrops fall into her eyes and ears, feeling them cool on her cheeks. “Trying to catch a cold, are we my dear?” said a gruff voice, so unexpectedly that it made her jump.  
  
She spun round and came face to face with a stranger. The jowly British blue Shorthair, who was dressed in a black leather waistcoat, stared at her keenly with his amber eyes while a group of mismatched toms sniggered behind his back. To say they were all hideous was an understatement. In fact, each one looked as though he had fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. They were mean looking and sported scarred, battle worn faces complete with missing eyes, torn ears and noses out of line. One chap’s nose and eyes appeared to be pointing in opposite directions, while another's face was so pinched that it looked as though someone had scrunched it up like a piece of paper. “So? What's a pretty thing like you doing out here all on your ownsome? Fancy some company?” the leader sneered.  
  
“Leave me alone!” she muttered, trying to push passed him, but found her way back to the club blocked by three more huge toms.  
  
“I asked you a question, little lady,” said the ring leader, his voice turning threatening. “Your rudeness upsets me. Perhaps I should teach you some manners, seeing that you have so kindly wandered into my territory without my permission.”  
  
Demeter gulped and tried to back away, but her escape was blocked off by a cold brick wall. With ugly toms pressing in on her from all sides, she swiped with her claws in panic and caught the blue Shorthair across his flabby face. His hissed with rage and slammed her into the wall, catching her throat with his paw, and forcing her mouth open, while his other paw began feeling its way through her fur. She screamed, but the sound was stifled as he pressed his lips hard against hers, flicking his tongue against the inside of her mouth so that she gagged. Just when she thought her fate was sealed, she suddenly heard a familiar growl and almost cried with relief when, out of the darkness, came a condescending voice, “Well, well, well! If it isn't Phallus. The Macavity sympathizer and his vermin? How things have changed. Time has not looked kindly on you, I see.”  
  
The blue tom snarled and turned around to face the insolent fool who had the audacity to insult him, allowing Demeter to slip out of his grasp and stagger towards the group of cats who were waiting apprehensively on the sidelines. Jazzie came up behind Alonzo and cried out in horror at the scene before her. Alonzo grabbed her arm just in time to stop her from charging over to Munkustrap with the sole intention of dragging him away from the danger. “No Jazzie!” he hissed. “He knows what he’s doing! You mustn't interfere!”  
  
“Lâchez-moi! I won't stand by and watch him get hurt again! Or worse!” she shouted hoarsely. "Not again! Zut! Not zis again!" *1  &2  
  
"Jazz! It's his duty...!" Alonzo roared through gritted teeth but she appeared to have forgotten how to understand English all of a sudden. It took the combined strength of Lucitana, Hortenseya, Norstara and Mungojerry to hold her back, but she still continued to struggle and plead. “Munkustraaap! S'il te plaît, ne me fais pas ça…!” *3  
  
But Munkustrap ignored her. The whole of his attention was focused upon the group of menacing thugs who had him surrounded. “I'll teach you to use my proper name, JELLICLE!” the blue Shorthair spat. “My name is Tallus, leader of the Vandals! And this is my street on which you trespass! For that you must pay!”  
  
“I appreciate that,” Munkustrap replied, calmly. “Name your price.”  
  
“Five grand, plus a go on your bitches!” Tallus replied with a snarl.  
  
“I don't tend to carry that sort of cash on me, I'm afraid," said Munkustrap loftily. "And touching my queens is absolutely out of the question.”  
  
“Then your life will have to do. You shall be screaming my name by the time I'm done with you!” Tallus growled.  
  
Munkustrap held up his paws, but stood firm. He had Demeter, now all he wanted to do was get the hell out of there, but it seemed that the gang had other ideas. As they closed in, he attempted to placate them, “Now, gentlemen! You seem like a civilised bunch! None of us want any trouble. So if you just let us go back to our territory, then no one has to get hurt.”  
  
The gang of cats looked at each other and sniggered. “Haw haw! We'll let you go back,” chortled one with a face that only a mother could love. “Boss here will wear your rather fetching pelt as a sign of victory and send back your rotten corpse as a token of thanks!”  
  
They all fell about laughing. "Good one Bingo!" Tallus chortled.  
  
After wiping his eyes he turned to the grey the white Shorthair who possessed the scrunched up face. “So Treloar?” he asked, “What to you think we should do with him?”  
  
“He looks like lunch on a stick to me, Boss,” Treloar replied, before noisily sucking up a line of drool which was continually dribbling out of the side of his not-quite-closed mouth.  
  
“And you look like the inside of a pig's arse, but who's complaining?” Munkustrap retorted.  
  
At this petulant insult Treloar roared and lashed out, catching Munkustrap in the side of his mouth with enough force to snap his head to the side. The pavement and surrounding cats were sprayed with droplets of blood in the process. Then the gang watched, with mouths agape, as Munkustrap slowly turned back around to face them, cursing, “Ah! Bast! Not again!”

Using his fingers, he gently eased his lip away from where it had been impaled by one of his fangs, giving no indication that it hurt, other than to flex his shoulders. Then his eyes began to glow amber and in a chilling voice he uttered the words, “Very well. I didn't want to have to do this."  
  
With a fire in his eyes reminiscent to that of his distant wild ancestor, he attacked with such ferocity that the gang members were taken completely by surprise. Treloar’s face crumpled even more as Munkustrap jumped up and drove his foot into his sternum before swinging his other leg back to kick the opponent who tried to attack him from behind. As both toms fell to the ground, Munkustrap was already defending himself against the next onslaught. His paw hardly seemed to move as in the blink of an eye a tom lay dead at his feet while another went down with an elbow to the jaw, another with a half moon shaped gash across the throat and he was about to deal with another, when a heavy arm reached around and caught him around the neck. To add to this rather unfortunate turn of events, the cat he had been about to attack then turned around and started to punch him in the head. It didn't take long for the black dots to appear in his line of vision as his lungs fought hungrily for air. And found none. His stiff leather collar was the only thing preventing his windpipe from being crushed as he gasped and clawed at the choking arm. Becoming frantic, he stamped on his assailant's foot. The tom grunted and loosened his grip. But not enough! So Munkustrap stamped harder. The was a 'crunch!' But even though the tom roared with pain, he still didn't let go. Munkustrap’s lungs felt as though they were about to burst. Slowly his struggles became weaker, his world began to turn black and he knew that all was lost. But just before he lost consciousness, he suddenly discovered an arm and with the last of his waning strength, bit down as hard as he could, feeling his teeth slicing through fur, flesh and eventually reaching bone. The tom howled and at long last, let go. The air rushed back into Munkustrap’s burning lungs and he doubled up, panting and gasping. But he didn't have long to recover because the tom who had tried to choke him was about to try again, and this time he would finish him off for good! So with his vision still a bit foggy, Munkustrap grabbed his arm and dislocated it, then picked him up by the same arm and flung him into the one who had been punching him, knocking him flying. He then hurled the tom he was grappling with screaming into the wall and jump kneed him, letting the rough bricks do the work of shredding the his lungs against his crushed ribs so that he died gargling on his own blood. Looking on with increasing desperation as one by one his gang members fell to the ground either dead or dying, Tallus quietly removed something from his waistcoat pocket. He began to walk slowly towards the Bengcoon, who had just taken out the last two toms with a backwards somersault, smashing their bodies into the stony ground. He didn't see Tallus walking towards him until he heard a disembodied voice shout in his ear, “Look out!”  
  
He glanced up just in time to react to the paw which was heading towards his stomach and managed to bat it off target, but couldn't stop it entirely. He felt a sudden cold sting and gasped. Someone screamed and the world seemed to stand still. Meanwhile, Tallus gave a wicked smile and pulled the two inch switchblade out of Munkustrap’s side. Munkustrap stared in horror at the knife. It was caked with blood. His blood. He held his breath, ready to accept whatever his fate might be, while Tallus just stood back and laughed as though watching a good film, waiting with anticipation for his victim to fall to the ground. They both waited. And waited. Munkustrap took one breath. Then another. But death didn't come and Tallus's laughter died on his lips as Munkustrap’s shock morphed into fury. He snarled and took the opportunity to teach the conniving Brit a lesson he would never forget. His adversary panicked and tried to slash with the knife, but Munkustrap grabbed his arm and twisted it sharply around, causing him to stab himself in the back. With a sickening crunch, Tallus's shoulder was also wrenched from its socket. He shrieked with agony and cursed at the top of his lungs as, with an almighty roar, Munkustrap smashed his head into the wall, painting it with his brains. “That's what you get for touching my Queen, asshole!” he hissed at the dead tom and threw the body to the ground.

* * *

 

Within ten minutes it was all over. The bodies of either dead or dying cats lay strewn on the ground all around. Munkustrap wiped gore from his mouth, spat out a load of bloody fluff and his eyes slowly returned to their normal colour. He took a few deep, shuddering breaths and was about to rejoin his friends and family by the club entrance when he happened to glance down at his right forearm. "Damn!" He cursed again.  
  
The bastard Brit had caught him a second time! The cut was deep so he deftly removed his collar and strapped it around his arm, using it like a tourniquet to prevent anymore bloodloss, just as Jazzie managed to struggle free from her living restraints. With a cry she raced towards him and practically dived into his arms. “Careful-!” he warned her.  
  
She didn't know whether to give him Hell or simply be glad that he was alive, so she settled on both. “Putain...d'idiot!” she part hissed/ part sobbed in between kissing him. “Vous pourriez avoir été tué! Je ne peux plus supporter ça-!" *4  
  
"Hang on, wait a minute-! Jazzie! I can't understand you!" He interrupted her.  
  
She stopped babbling but continued to sniff, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Take some deep breaths," he told her. "Speak _slooowly_ . Preferably in English!"  
  
She nodded and swallowed. Then she croaked, "I sought...I sought you were...!"  
  
"So did I for a few moments," he admitted.  
  
"But why did you DO zat?” she demanded.  
  
He shrugged and replied, “It was my duty.”  
  
“And now you are hurt!” she berated.

“Not seriously," he tried to argue. "Not _all_ of this is mine...”

He indicated the blood which caked his fur. She didn't realise that her own face was also smeared with red. “I shall be ze judge of zat!” she snapped, examining the wound in his side. "Zis is deep!"  
  
After arguing a bit more they eventually met up with the others beside the gate, and with her glaring at him the entire time, Munkustrap addressed the small gathering of cats. “Are we all accounted for?” he asked. “Tugger? Tugger?! Bast! _Where_ has that wretched, fluff brained, hip thrusting, no good son of a pollicle got to _now_?”  
  
He was met with shrugs and cats looking around, scratching their heads.  
“Hey, is that your friend hurling his guts up over there?” asked the doorcat, pointing to a heaving figure over by some bin bags.  
  
“Yeah. That's him,” said Munkustrap dryly. “Where the Hell did you get to anyway? I told you, no one allowed out without my permission!”  
  
The old doorcat shrugged, apologetically. “Toilet break. Sorry. And the little lady looked like she needed some air.”  
  
“Whatever,” Munkustrap sighed and wandered over to where his brother was crouched down, still emptying out the contents of his stomach.

Munkustrap waited patiently until he had finished and was able to take a few deep breaths. “You alright?” he asked gruffly.  
  
“I will be. Just give us a minute…” his brother croaked weakly.  
  
“I told you not to get rat arsed!” Munkustrap snapped.  
  
“Easier said than done, Bro...”  
  
“Can you stand?”  
  
In response Rum Tum Tugger straightened himself up, swaying ever so slightly. “Yeah, just about…”

Then he peered blearily at his brother as though seeing him for the first time. “Say? What happened to you?”  
  
“Like I said before, this is a dangerous area and we need to leave now-!” Munkustrap replied hastily.  
  
“Oh my God! Dude! You’ve been stabbed!” Rum Tum Tugger exclaimed.  
  
“Oh really?" Said Munkustrap sarcastically. "I hadn't noticed!”  
  
“Here, use these.”  
  
The maned Tom took off his prized scarf from around his leg, then removed his most coveted studded belt and held both items out to Munkustrap. “Are you sure?” asked Munkustrap.

“You're bleeding. Of course I'm sure!” Rum Tum Tugger replied in a no nonsense tone of voice. “What are brother's for?”

Munkustrap nodded his thanks and graciously took them from him, but as he did so Rum Tum Tugger was able to get a closer look at his injury. At the sight of blood, his eyes widened. Then they rolled back in his head and he fell flat on his face. Munkustrap held the scrunched up scarf in place against the side of his ribs and quickly secured it using the belt. It was rather snug, with him only just managing to get it buckled up using the first hole! But when this was done, he bent down to pick his brother up off of the pavement. Wrinkling his nose at the stench of alcohol mixed with vomit and blood, he slung Rum Tum Tugger's arm over his shoulders and roughly supported him around the waist. “Come on," he muttered. "Let's get out of here. Don't make me carry you!”  
  
“I love you, man!” wailed Rum Tum Tugger.  
  
“I wish I could say the feeling was mutual,” Munkustrap growled, part walking, part dragging his semi-conscious brother away from the club with the rest of the Jellicles silently joining them.  
  
As they picked their way passed the scene of carnage, they couldn't help but gape and gasp. “Crikey!” exclaimed Mungojerry. “Looks like someone upset the Munkus cart and smashed every bottle, don't it?”  
  
“Jerry!” scolded Rumpleteazer. “Dontcha know it's rude to stare!”  
  
“Er...Dad?”  
  
“Not now, Lonz…” grumbled Munkustrap.  
  
“Dad!” Alonzo insisted, becoming more urgent.  
  
“WHAT?” Munkustrap snapped.  
  
“ _Behind_ us…!” Alonzo whimpered.  
  
Munkustrap turned around and saw precisely ‘what’. A crowd of menacing cats, some wielding knives and toasting forks, were stalking towards them. There were too many to fight. It would be a bloodbath. “Er...so what's the plan then, Munkus?” Mungojerry asked nervously. “You _have_ got a plan, aintcha?”  
  
“Ummm...a plan...right...” Munkustrap muttered thoughtfully. “Actually, I have a very good one. RUN!”  
  
“But-but...what about our instruments-?” protested Rum Tum Tugger.  
  
“Fuck the instruments!”  
  
Luckily, Rum Tum Tugger found his legs and the group didn't need any other encouragement. They tore through the streets with the gang of bloodthirsty toms in hot pursuit. They splashed through puddles, their pads pounding the concrete as they went. Then suddenly they were met with a sight which almost stopped their hearts. The queens screamed! Out of the darkness a sea of fiercely glowing eyes awaited the terrified group as it skidded to a halt, the queens in the centre and the four toms standing protectively on the outside searching frantically for an escape route. But with hostile cats behind and in front, there was nowhere left to run. They were trapped. The queens clung onto each other and began to wail, while the toms got ready to fight to the last. “Well, good luck and all that," Mungojerry said bitterly. "The party was good while it lasted, weren't it?"  
  
“Sorry Bro,” Rum Tum Tugger added. “I should have listened to you after all.”  
  
“Don't waste your final moments on all that crap. Just focus on staying alive!” Munkustrap snapped.  
  
“It was nice knowing you guys!” Alonzo interjected.  
  
“Not helpful, Lonz!” snarled his father. “By the Grace of Everlasting Cat, death is not coming for us today!”  
  
All the while, the gangs were closing in. Munkustrap flattened his ears and crouched down. "Whatever happens," he growled. "I'm going to make every one of those bastards wish they'd never set eyes on a Jellicle!"  
  
Scents drifted through the night air. Hundreds of them. But through all of those scents, Munkustrap’s nose was able to pick one out. He sniffed. That scent! It was strangely familiar. Slowly, he drew himself back up to his full height and walked towards the gang of cats in front. The cats behind appeared to have stopped. It was a standoff! "Munkustrap! Qu'est-ce que tu fais!?" Jazzie shouted. *5  
  
Pretending not to hear her, he crept towards The dark figure who stood at the helm of the second gang, trying to get a better look at him, but he was obscured by shadows. “Show yourself, he who dares to threaten us!” Munkustrap demanded.  
  
The figure carefully stepped out of the gloom. He was a large Maine Coon with light smoke coloured fur, smokey black points and silver eyes. Munkustrap’s face broke into a smile of recognition and relief. “Katon? The Felons? I don't think I've ever been so happy to see someone in my entire life! You frightened the life out of me!”  
  
“Good to see you, cuz. It's been a long time,” said Katon. “Don't worry, we'll take care of these villains from here. Tallus stole our territory from us and we have been trying to take it back since June of last year.”  
  
Munkustrap nodded. “Tallus is no more,” he informed his second cousin. “I would stick around to help with the rest but as you can see, I am injured and one of my queens as fallen ill.”  
  
“Then you must go to her, friend. And I thank you. Consider yourself a favour owed.”

Katon firmly grasped Munkustrap’s paw and pulled him into a rough hug. “Go in peace, Cousin,” he said. “May the Everlasting Cat be with you and your family.”  
  
“The same to you, friend. Long may the Jellicles and Felons continue to be allies,” Munkustrap replied, and with that Katon's gang parted like The Red Sea to let them through.  
  
Munkustrap nodded to his party to follow him and as they did so, the Felons closed ranks behind them. They didn't stop to look back, even as the shrieks and sounds of battle rent the night air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what Jazzie said either so I got Google to translate:  
> *1 Let me go!  
> *2 Heck!  
> *3 Munkustraaap! Please, do not do that to me...!  
> *4 Fucking...idiot! You could have been killed! I cannot stand it anymore-!  
> *5 Munkustrap! What are you doing?


	4. Love conquers all

The journey home seemed to take forever. As soon as the tube train pulled into Edgware Station, Norstara and Lucitana raced on ahead to inform Jennyanydots of the situation and to set out the necessary medical facilities. Munkustrap was limping heavily and clutching his side, the pain having flared up as the adrenaline had begun to wear off, but he refused to accept any kind of help. “I'm fine,” he insisted grumpily.

There was no arguing with him, but that didn't stop Jazzie from keeping a stern eye on him at all times. Even though he seemed relatively well, she knew that anything could be going on inside his body. A myriad of possible problems were buzzing through her mind. He could be bleeding internally from a major blood vessel, or maybe suffering from peritonitis. If his intestinal tract had been hit then it's contents could be leaking into his abdomen! Or a vital nerve or organ could have been damaged. She had no way of knowing until she got him to the emergency room and could examine him. And the sooner the better. Suddenly she felt his paw on hers, bringing her out of her inner monologue. “Stop worrying, woman!” he reproved, squeezing her paw to try to reassure her.

“I can't help it!” she replied, grasping his wrist and feeling for his heartbeat. She felt relieved when she felt it beating steadily against her fingertips, not too fast, nor too slow, so at least shock could be ruled out, for now at least.

Munkustrap felt a paw touch his other arm, and looked down to see Demeter looking up at him with those wide, sympathetic eyes of hers. The ones he could never stay mad at. She looked like she wanted to say something but was struggling to find the right words. She opened her mouth as though about to speak, but no sound came out, so she closed it again. From his opposite side, Jazzie spoke for her instead, “You can wipe that piteous look off your face and replace it with one of shame Demeter!” she hissed. “It is your fault he is in this state! If you'd only had some common sense, razzer zan putting yourself in danger-”

“That's enough you two! Can't you at least _try_ to get along?” Munkustrap snapped. The queens glared at each other and then stared sullenly in opposite directions, but said no more to each other. Jazzie's resolve was bent on treating Munkustrap the minute they arrived at the Infirmary. Munkustrap, however, had other ideas.

“Must see Bomba…!” he insisted, trying to bulldoze his way through the barricade of nurses to get to her cubicle.

“Oh no you don't!” snapped Jennyanydots, placing a firm paw on his chest to stop him. “YOU are going to get those wounds seen to and _then_ you are going to get some rest. Bombalurina is sleeping right now and she is _not_ to be disturbed! Have I made myself clear?”

“But-!”

“No buts! Do as you're told!”

She was once again scolding him like he was a naughty kitten rather than the Jellicle Protector and he hated it! But only Jennyanydots could get away with talking to him like that and he knew it. He also knew that to disobey the Gumbie Cat would be extremely unwise. So he sighed, “Fine!” And allowed Jazzie to lead him into another cubicle, where he had to put up with being prodded and poked for the next half an hour.

Although he had to concede that it wasn't _all_ that bad, seeing as it _was_ a sexy French nurse who was doing the prodding and poking, after all! As he lay on the table Jazzie removed his collar, the belt and blood stained scarf as delicately as she could and then gently applied pressure to the area around the stab wound in his side.

“Does it hurt when I press here?” She asked.

“No.”

“Here?”

“Nope.”

“Any numbness here?”

“No.”

“What about here?”

“Mmmm.”

“What's ‘mmmm,’ mean?”

“Um, it stings a bit when you press there.”

“Where? Here?”

“Hell yes!”

“How much pain are we talking? On a scale of one to ten would you say?”

“About...five?”

“Don't underplay it Munk. It could be serious!”

“It doesn't hurt that much! I'm telling the truth!” he persisted when her face told him she was far from convinced.

“D’accord, if you say so,” she shrugged. “Well as far as I can tell, ze knife doesn’t appear to have hit anysing major, which makes you extremely lucky, I can tell you! Now I’m just going to numb ze area and clean ze wounds, zough I must warn you, zis will sting initially. I need you to keep still for me, ok?”

“I'll think of something else,” he assured her with a sly wink.

Pretending to ignore him, she used a dispenser to flood the relatively small but deep cut with anaesthetic, grimacing sympathetically when he tensed, took a sharp breath in through his teeth and issued a loud, “Hiss!” and again when she repeated the procedure with the cut on his arm. She then flooded each wound with ample amounts of saline and closed the one on his arm and secured it with steri strips. After that, she very gently packed the knife wound with strips of antiseptic gauze using a cotton bud and applied antiseptic cream to both wounds before loosely applying adhesive bandages. “Zese will have to be changed twice a day,” she explained as she worked.

He gave her an obedient salute as a form of reply. “So, what _are_ you sinking about?” she asked him, unable to contain a wry smile.

He chuckled at that, “Oh, wouldn't _you_ like to know?”

“It'd better not be rude, mister!” she said reproachfully.

“Depends what you think of as rude,” he replied innocently, then whispered. “I was thinking about you!”

He winked at her again and she cast her eyes down, feeling her ears growing hot. “How is your lip?” She asked.

“Sore. Expect me to mumble more than I usually do for the next few days!”

“Does zat mean I cannot kiss you?” She looked sad.

“Sorry what was that?” he asked.

Keeping a perfectly straight face she repeated in her own language, “Est-ce que cela signifie que je ne peux pas vous embrasser?”

He carefully sat up, drew her close and gently kissed her. “Over my dead body, nurse!” he whispered, and he had a distinct gleam in his eye.

Her eyes met with his and it was like her lungs had forgotten that they were supposed to breath. How was he managing to look so darn gorgeous even with his face streaked with dried blood and mud? Suddenly her paws went behind his head and she was kissing him passionately as though she had never kissed him before or ever would again. Then, before she knew it, she was on top of him.

“Oh gosh! I'm so sorry!” she gasped, feeling mortified. “Zis is most unprofessional of me!”

She had no idea how she got there, but when she tried to move off, he immediately clamped his paws on the base of her thighs and held her fast. “Shhh!” He placed a finger to her lips. “How did you know what I was thinking?”

She began to protest, “Munkustrap! We mustn't…!”

But he shut her up by kissing her again and pulled her closer. She inhaled sharply as she felt him enter her and felt powerless to resist (not that she wanted to!) She had to smother her face with his dusty fur to cover her moans of pleasure, feeling like she could happily die in those strong arms that gripped her so tightly. When she finally collapsed onto him he held her close, purring quietly as his eyelids grew heavy and he at last felt content. He chuckled quietly to himself, causing her to raise her head and nuzzle his face with her nose. “What's so funny?” she asked sleepily.

“Well…” he replied thoughtfully. “I was just thinking that I've had sex in some interesting places, but this is definitely up there!”

“Well just so you know, I do not make a habit of attacking my patients,” she giggled.

“I expect they'd be most disappointed about that, my dear!” he joked. “Well just so _you_ know, you can attack me _anytime_ you like!”   
  
“I'm surprised you're able to do anysing after being stabbed with a two inch blade!” she whispered.   
  
“All the more reason to take the opportunity while I still breathe!” he argued. “In fact if I was to die, I'd have no problems with going out after what you just did to me!”   
  
“You're not going to die! Not on my watch!”   
  
They were lost in their own thoughts for a few moments, before Munkustrap asked, “Do you know what my final thought was? You know, after the Ball?”   
  
“I don't know how you can bare to sink about it!” She shuddered.   
  
“Well it may surprise you, but it was not: ‘Shit! I'm dying!’ But Rather: ‘I never got to make love to her. Damn!’ A fact that Macavity was only too happy to taunt me with.”   
  
“Mon Dieu…!”   
  
“You see, my dear Jazzie, where there is a will there will _always_ be a way. And the day I cannot make love to you _will_ be the day that I die.”   
  
He grinned, “It is no coincidence that mother nature put us toms on this rock for no other purpose than to fight and to fuck. And I certainly have no qualms about that!”   
  
“I sink you are crazy,” she told him, shaking her head.   
  
“It certainly helps,” he confessed.   
  
They were silent once again. Then she murmured quietly, "You killed all zose cats-"   
  
"Who would have done far worse to us if I had not," he promised her. "I know that gang from way back. For them depravity is the name of the game and they take no prisoners. Trust me. I only kill when I have to. Only to keep you safe, Jazzie. I will personally kill _anyone_ who so much as _thinks_ about trying to hurt you."   
  
As he said this he stroked her head and then began to sing quietly to her as she drifted off to sleep in his arms,   
  
_“We'll do it all_ _  
_ _Everything_ _  
_ _On our own_ _  
_ _We don't need_ _  
_ _Anything_ _  
_ _Or anyone_ _  
_ _  
_ _If I lay here_ _  
_ _If I just lay here_ _  
_ _Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_ _  
_ _  
_ _I don't quite know_ _  
_ _How to say_ _  
_ _How I feel_ _  
_ _Those three words_ _  
_ _Are said too much_ _  
_ _They're not enough_ _  
_ _  
_ _If I lay here_ _  
_ _If I just lay here_ _  
_ _Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_ _  
_ _Forget what we're told_ _  
_ _Before we get too old_ _  
_ _Show me a garden that's bursting into life_ _  
_ _  
_ _Let's waste time_ _  
_ _Chasing cars_ _  
_ _Around our heads_ _  
_ _I need your grace_ _  
_ _To remind me_ _  
_ _To find my own_ _  
_ _  
_ _If I lay here_ _  
_ _If I just lay here_ _  
_ _Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_ _  
_ _Forget what we're told_ _  
_ _Before we get too old_ _  
_ _Show me a garden that's bursting into life_ _  
_ _All that I am_ _  
_ _All that I ever was_ _  
_ _Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see_ _  
_ _  
_ _I don't know where_ _  
_ _Confused about how as well_ _  
_ _Just know that these things will never change for us at all_ _  
_ _  
_ _If I lay here_ _  
_ _If I just lay here_   
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”   
  
(Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol)

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too,” he murmured.  
  
“Plus I really needed...zat!” she sighed.

“You and me both,” he whispered back. “But shush now! Matron’s coming!”

“Oh my God…!”

“Shush! Quick! Start snoring!”

Jennyanydots had just finished attending to Rum Tum Tugger and left him to sleep off the effects of the alcohol in one of the beds. Humming cheerfully to herself, she began to potter about, tidying beds and positioning tables.

“Hmmm, it's gone a bit quiet,” she thought to herself.

“Er...Jazzie?” She called.

She bustled over to her cubicle, gently pulled back the curtain and peeped in. “Have you nearly…Oh! Aw! Won't you look at those two love cats!” she tutted, shaking her head at the sight of the little Snowshoe snuggled up fast asleep with her injured Silver Tom on the rather narrow examining table.

They both looked so adorable that she didn't have the heart to disturb them so instead, she placed a blanket over them and quietly crept out again. “Ah! Such love!” she sighed and went to relieve Jellylorum of her babysitting duties in the neighbouring creche.

Luckily, she didn't hear the ill concealed giggling or the guilty “Shhhhh!” coming from within the cubicle!


	5. Burning bridges, Rebuilding Trust

Bombalurina opened her eyes and smiled at her cousin. "Hey Dems!" she yawned. "Don't look so worried!"  
  
Demeter frowned. "You were taken ill," she said. "Of course I was worried!"   
  
"Don't be cuz! It was just a little too much alcohol, that's all-!"   
  
"I saw Munkustrap take your glass off you," Demeter cut in. "And then before that I saw him confiscate your cigarette-"   
  
"Dems-"   
  
"What's going on, Bomba? I'm not stupid! I can tell when you're lying. Please tell me! You're meant to be my cousin! We tell each other everything-"   
  
"I-   
  
"She's pregnant."   
  
Bombalurina's eyes widened. Munkustrap, Jazzie and Rum Tum Tugger were all standing by the curtain. Munkustrap limped over to her bedside and took hold of her paw. She looked horrified, first to him, then to Demeter and Rum Tum Tugger as realisation dawned in their eyes (Well in Demeter's anyway!) "Wait? You're pregnant?" Rum Tum Tugger asked suddenly.   
  
"Keep up, Tugger!" Sighed Bombalurina. "Yes, I'm pregnant. Might as well let the whole blinking world know now!" She glared at Munkustrap.   
  
"How come you never said?" Rum Tum Tugger demanded.   
  
"Because they're not yours," she confessed.   
  
"Not MINE? Who's are they? I'll kill him!"   
  
"They're mine, you idiot!" Munkustrap growled.   
  
"Your's?!"   
  
"Sorry to put your nose out of joint, but yes, their mine. Got a problem with that?"   
  
"Yeah I have as it happens!" said Rum Tum Tugger straightening his mane and squaring up to him.

Munkustrap sneered and derided, “What's the matter? Own medicine too sour for you?” 

He let go of Bombalurina's paw, drew himself up to his full height and both toms stared threateningly at one another with their fur bristling and tails slashing. The air was tense and the pair seriously looked as though they were about to come to blows, but nobody fancied Rum Tum Tugger's chances. Sure he was lean and muscly, almost the exact same height as Munkustrap with his long mane even making him appear slightly taller. But Munkustrap was bigger overall. His chest and shoulders were broader and more defined and as he flexed them one was left in no doubt that, even injured, he was still a force to be reckoned with. And though he never admitted it, their last violent encounter still weighed heavily upon Rum Tum Tugger's mind. As much as it had put a serious dent in his ego, he had learnt a sore lesson that night not to pick fights with his brother. So knowing in the back of his mind that he had already lost this battle, he took to firing cheap shots instead. "You can't get enough can you?" He jeered. "First mum-"  
  
"Jenny isn't our mother, you great worm's pimple-!" Munkustrap interjected, but Rum Tum Tugger carried on regardless,  
  
"...then Jelly, then Demeter, Tanto, Jazzie, and Bast knows who else! And now my missus! Who's next, eh?"  
  
He cupped his paw to his mouth and called out to no one in particular, "Hang onto your queens fellers, don't let them out of your sight because the minute you do he'll be all over her like a rash-!"  
  
"Well you're a fine one to talk aren't you?” Munkustrap interrupted. “You have absolutely no grounds to complain about my mating habits when you yourself have mated with most of London! Bombi was probably worried she'd catch something off you-!"  
  
"I can speak for myself, thank you dearest!" snapped Bombalurina. "Tugger for umpteenth time, and how many more times do I have to remind you about this? I am not yours! I am Bombalurina. I belong to no-one! In fact I can speak for all of the queens here! Our bodies belong to us, right? So whoever we choose to have kittens with is our prerogative and if we need someone who is strong, good looking, wise, level headed and brave to be the father of our kittens then so be it. Sorry Tuggykins, but you only scored two out of five there so if you want to gripe at anyone, gripe at me!"   
  
"May I ask how I fared, just out of interest? Or don't I want to know?" asked Munkustrap.   
  
Bombalurina gave him a wink. "Oh, you got full marks, Tiger!" she purred, then turned seriously back to Rum Tum Tugger again.   
  
"Don't sneer, Tugger!" She snapped. "You only have yourself to blame! Remember? Our conversation? Or rather the lack thereof! The one where you made it perfectly clear what you thought about having kittens with me?"   
  
Rum Tum Tugger suddenly looked a little bit uncomfortable. "Oh?" Bombalurina carried on. "You remember now, do you? Sorry, but I'm ten this year! Yeah, don't sound quite so shocked, will you!"   
  
She glared at the small group of cats but no one responded so she carried on grudgingly, "Time is not on my side! This could have been my last chance-"   
  
"And does love not feature at all in amongst your life plans?" Rum Tum Tugger asked morosely.   
  
"It certainly does!"   
  
She glanced fervently in Munkustrap's direction. "Besides. If _you_ loved _me_ , Tugger, then you would stand by me and respect my decision seeing as it was mine to make, instead of throwing all of your toys out of the pram!"   
  
Rum Tum Tugger shook his head. "You know what?" he growled. "Fuck this shit!"   
  
He pointed a claw at Bombalurina. "Fuck you! And fuck you!" He then directed the extended claw at Munkustrap. "You're not my Bro!"   
  
"Bite me!" Munkustrap snarled.   
  
For a moment Rum Tum Tugger looked as though he was seriously considering doing just that. But instead he fluffed his mane and barged out of the cubicle, almost knocking over Jennyanydots as she joined them to see what all the commotion was about. In her arms she held a neatly folded neck scarf that had been thoroughly washed, dried and ironed, while on her arm hung a leather studded belt and a stiff black leather collar with metal studs and a metal ring attached to it. Both of these items had been thoroughly cleaned of blood and grime. "What's the matter with him?" she asked.   
  
"Bad case of sour grapes and quite possibly the worst hangover he's ever had," Bombalurina replied sourly. "He'll get over it."   
  
"I heard that!" snapped Rum Tum Tugger, flouncing back in. "Can I have my scarf and belt back please, Jenny? I feel naked without them."   
  
No sooner had they been handed to him then he moodily stuck his nose in the air and with a, "Humph!" flounced back out again.   
  
Munkustrap glanced sideways at Bombalurina, raised an eyebrow and voiced the question which they were all secretly asking. " _Tuggykins_ ?"   
  
She shrugged. "It's no worse than what I call _you_ , S-"   
  
"DON'T you dare!"   
  
Bombalurina suddenly looked at Demeter who hadn't moved or spoken since the announcement. She appeared to be silently hyperventilating, her expression registering hurt which was quickly overshadowed by incandescent rage. "You-you mean to tell me..." she began quietly with her voice getting progressively louder. "That while I-while I was going through all of...that...you...and _him_ ?"   
  
She turned on Munkustrap. "You and her… _as well!?_ " There was a tremor in her voice and she was so apoplectic that she could barely speak.   
  
"Yes Demeter," Munkustrap said calmly and took hold of Bombalurina's paw again. "Me and her."   
  
He looked at Jazzie. "As well."   
  
The Golden Calico's eyes filled with tears. "You lied to me," she whispered to Bombalurina, her voice turning to a hoarse croak. "You were betraying me all along-!"   
  
Bombalurina shook her head, "No-!"   
  
"I thought you cared about me-!"   
  
"Sweetie, I-!"   
  
"I thought we were friends-?!"   
  
"Oh but we are-!"   
  
Demeter shook her head. "No, we're not. Not anymore."   
  
Bombalurina looked at her in shock. "What-?!"   
  
"I will never forgive you!" Demeter screamed, tears creeping down her face.   
  
"You don't mean that-?" Bombalurina whispered, tears falling from her eyes too, but Demeter cut her off,   
  
_"Take a souvenir and stop your staring,_ _  
_ _Just cause I'm screaming,_ _  
_ _Don't mean I'm sharing,_ _  
_ _Can't keep my mouth shut,_ _  
_ _if you keep that smirk on,_ _  
_ _You can't negotiate,_ _  
_ _Not with me this time!_ _  
_ _  
_ _You go solo,_ _  
_ _your faggot rainbow,_ _  
_ _your Nazi Halo,_ _  
_ _won't save you this time,_ _  
_ _  
_ _Bring your IQ and try to understand,_ _  
_ _Just cause I'm listening,_ _  
_ _Don't mean we're still friends,_ _  
_ _Can't fix my problem,_ _  
_ _You crossed a thin line,_ _  
_ _You can't just work it out,_ _  
_ _not with me this time!_ _  
_ _  
_ _You go solo,_ _  
_ _your faggot rainbow,_ _  
_ _your junkie ego,_ _  
_ _won't save you this time,_ _  
_ _  
_ _you go solo,_ _  
_ _your tragic disco,_ _  
_ _your Nazi Halo,_ _  
_ _won't save you this time,_ _  
_ _  
_ _You're so predictable, no shadow of doubt,_ _  
_ _when you are suffering, know who sold you out,_ _  
_ _Fuck your opinions,_ _  
_ _Fuck your lack of spine,_ _  
_ _When you are miserable,_ _  
_ _Know that I'm just fine!_ _  
_ _  
_ _You go solo,_ _  
_ _your faggot rainbow,_ _  
_ _your junkie ego,_ _  
_ _won't save you this time,_ _  
_ _  
_ _you go solo,_ _  
_ _your tragic disco,_ _  
_ _your Nazi Halo,_ _  
_ _won't save you this time!"_   
(Nazi Halo by Jack Off Jill)   
  
"Demi please-!"   
  
"Goodbye... _Bombalurina_ !" Demeter hissed and shot one last look of loathing at Munkustrap.   
  
"Call yourself respectable? You ought to be ashamed!" She spat.   
  
But to her astonishment he defiantly held his head high, glared back at her and replied with grimace and a shrug. "I don't see what I have to be ashamed of. I haven't harmed anyone! If it is shame you wish to see then why don't you look in a mirror?"   
  
Demeter started to laugh mockingly. “I can't believe what I’m hearing-!”

“Well maybe you should start. I am not the liar around here!” He growled.

He spread his paws and looked around at the faces of the other cats, nurses and the odd curious patient or two. “Does anyone have anything they wish to add? Any complaints at all?” he asked. Unsurprisingly no-one came forward to accuse him of anything so he continued. “According to Demeter my crime is loving more than one of you. Well then, please feel free to condemn me if you wish! After all, I only do what is asked of me.”

As he said this he touched his chest with the tips of both paws, keeping his voice level and calm, but underpinning it was an unmistakably high level of emotion. “I have never forced nor coerced anyone into doing anything and yet for some reason I am being unfairly penalised?” he continued.

“Yes! Unfairly!” he added in response to Demeter's skeptically raised eyebrows. “Tell me, what does it matter whether I have one mate or one hundred given that our holy leader has buried nine (possibly ninety nine!) wives and is celebrated for this! Surely the most important thing here is that I am doing the job that I was appointed to do? Do you not think that I have the capabilities to love all of you equally and at the same time? I'll admit, you don't exactly make it easy, but hey! If you think that my personal life is adversely affecting the job I do then I shall happily step down and take early retirement, because Bast knows I could use the rest!”

Then he turned to Demeter and addressed her directly, “Demeter, I have proved time and again how much you mean to me, rescuing you from the perils that you get yourself into and getting a knife in my ribs for my troubles. Added to that, how many times have I stuck my neck out in order to pull you from Macavity's clutches and taken a beating for my efforts, only for you to go running back into them time after time? And why do I bother, you might ask? Why indeed. It is a question I cannot answer, for all you have ever done is take from me. But I'll forgive you, my love, for I still have plenty to give. What will you do when you are finished hurting those who love you, eh? Maybe you should consider your place in this tribe before you start spouting hate!"  
  
Demeter seemed to physically crumple at his words as though she were an empty can that was being crushed by a giant foot. She hung her head and ran, sobbing, from the cubicle. Bombalurina glared at him. "Tactfully done as usual!" She sarcastically commended him.   
  
"It was all going to come out in the wash. She needed to be told," he replied bluntly.   
  
They glared at one another and then Munkustrap looked around at the silent faces. "Well folks?" he said sadly. "The question still remains. Do you want me to step down? I could get Old Deuteronomy to announce the trials and they can begin tomorrow, if need be? At the end of the day, I need the love and support of every single one of you or I cannot be your Protector."   
  
"You'll do no such thing!" snapped Jennyanydots.   
  
She marched over to him and roughly fastened his collar around his neck. As she did so she sharply reminded him, "You earned the right to wear this! Remember? I was on the judging panel! Well my decision has not wavered! I started out as your guardian, but now you are guardian to us all and I, for one, am proud to call myself your mate. You have given me seven wonderful kittens (four of whom are still with us) and of course, Alonzo has grown into a formidable young tom in his own right. I am old enough to remember the previous protector and am not alone in believing that you are, not only better than he was, but quite possibly the greatest protector the Jellicles have ever had."   
  
Jazzie went to stand by him and added, "You rescued us from a life of Hell and gave us a life zat we could only have dreamt of. And for zat, we are forever in your debt," she said. "My sister's and I are beside you whatever happens and we love you wiz every bit of our hearts."   
  
Lastly, Bombalurina grasped his paw. "Sorry I was hard on you, babes," she told him. "Just so you know, I'd still choose you. Every time."   
  
Munkustrap smiled, feeling a lump forming in his throat. "Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me..."   
  
Suddenly, he was struck with a thought. "Hang on, I thought you'd lost the kittens? Is that not the case?" He asked Bombalurina, who looked to Jennyanydots for confirmation.   
  
"Jenny told me I lost at least one, but she said she could detect two more faint heartbeats," she explained. "Is that right Jenny?"   
  
"That's right dear," replied the Gumbie Cat. "I had a listen and I could definitely hear two teeny tiny flutters. You may have more but it is too soon to tell as they'll be little bigger than jelly beans!"   
  
"Let's hope this doesn't happen again," sighed Bombalurina.   
  
"Miscarriage is incredibly common dear, especially when we queens get to a certain age-"   
  
"I'll give you certain age!"   
  
"Make sure you get plenty of rest in order to minimise it happening again!" Jennyanydots told her sternly, wagging her finger at her for added emphasis. "It's happened once, therefore I cannot guarantee that it won't happen again I'm afraid."   
  
Jazzie placed a paw onto her shoulder. "And try not to worry," she added. "Pregnancy should be enjoyed, not endured. We'll be keeping a close eye on you!"


	6. Longing

Munkustrap was deep in discussion with Bombalurina and Jennyanydots when he noticed Jazzie's marked absence. He looked around distractedly. Where had she snuck off to? He nodded apologetically towards Bombalurina and Jennyanydots. "Excuse me, ladies," he said.

"You are excused!" winked Bombalurina.

She smiled knowingly at Jennyanydots. "She's probably in her lab, Dear," said The Gumbie Cat.

"Thank you."

He crept silently down the stone steps and spotted the Snowshoe sitting on her workbench with her back towards him. As he edged closer he could see that her head was bowed. "Jazz?" he asked tentatively, but the only reaction he got was a small sniff.

Feeling a little confused he eased himself in front of her and crouched down so that he could look up into her face. "What's the matter, Snow Boots?" he asked.

She looked into his eyes, and seeing them so full of sympathy made her steady stream of tears turn into a river. Her lips quivered. She bit them, but this didn't really help. In fact it made things positively worse as the quivering was transferred to her chin and she was so choked up that she only just about managed to stutter a small whisper, "It's n-nearly o-over…"

He slowly straightened up so that his nose brushed against hers. "What is nearly over?" he asked.

Why was she so upset? He had no idea! He carefully sorted through his memories to try to find any misdemeanors on his part, but nothing came up. Was it the argument? Was she worried that he didn't love her anymore? How many times had he been over this? Meanwhile, her shoulders were shaking so much that she simply couldn't answer. "Come here,"  he said, opening his arms and allowing her to release her trapped sobs into his fur as he stroked her head and softly sang,

 _"I'll protect you from the hooded claw_  
_Keep the vampires from your door_

 _I, feels like fire_  
_I'm so in love with you_  
_Dreams are like angels_  
_They keep bad at bay, bad at bay_  
_Love is the light_  
_Scaring darkness away, yeah_

 _I'm so in love with you_  
_Purge the soul_  
_Make love your goal_

 _The power of love_  
_A force from above_  
_Cleaning my soul_  
_Flame on burn desire_  
_Love with tongues of fire_  
_Purge the soul_  
_Make love your goal_

 _I'll protect you from the hooded claw_  
_Keep the vampires from your door_  
_When the chips are down_  
_I'll be around with my undying_  
_Death defying love for you_  
_Envy will hurt itself_  
_Let yourself be beautiful_

 _Sparkling love, flowers and pearls and pretty girls_  
_Love is like an energy_  
_Rushin' in, rushin' inside of me, yeah_

 _The power of love_  
_A force from above_  
_Cleaning my soul_  
_Flame on burn desire_  
_Love with tongues of fire_  
_Purge the soul_  
_Make love your goal_

 _This time we go sublime_  
_Lovers entwine, divine divine_  
_Love is danger, love is pleasure_  
_Love is pure, the only treasure_

 _I'm so in love with you_  
_Purge the soul_  
_Make love your goal_

 _The power of love_  
_A force from above_  
_Cleaning my soul_  
_The power of love_  
_A force from above_  
_A skyscraping dove_

 _Flame on burn desire_  
_Love with tongues of fire_  
_Purge the soul_  
_Make love your goal_

 _I'll protect you from the hooded claw_  
_Keep the vampires from your door._

(The Power of Love by Frankie Goes To Hollywood)

You know it murders me to see you looking so sad," he whispered in her ear. "Please, tell me there is something I can do to make you happy again?" 

When he didn't receive an answer he gently pushed her backwards, laying her down on the table. Then he proceeded to kiss her neck and nuzzle her collarbone, causing her to utter a tiny whimper as his touch sent shivers through her body. He began to explore further down, making her heart beat faster. Her breaths quickened as her fingers interlaced with his and held them tightly as pleasure gripped her whole body. Suddenly, she arched her back and let out a soft moan. She couldn't stop her lips from smiling, even as teardrops fell from the corners of her eyes and splashed onto the thick oak. Slowly, he made his way back up to find them and kissed her deeply, while she dug her fingers into his fur and wound her legs around his waist. She gathered his body into hers; yearning for him, needing his loving touch and with a collective sigh they came together, their bodies building to a climax before falling against each other, exhausted and breathing hard for a few blissful moments. He lifted his head from where it was nestled in the space at the base of her neck and kissed her again. Then he whispered sternly into her ear. "Right then. Now that  _that's_  out of the way you can tell me what is troubling you!"

She caressed his ears and smiled. "Nossing troubles me now!" She whispered and kissed him back.

When they parted his eyes searched hers. She tried to avoid them, but it was difficult seeing as he was right there reading the lies. She sighed. "It is silly reason!" She insisted with an offhand wave of her paw. "Should not be crying over spilt milk…"

"Cats don't cry for no reason, Jazz," he said. "Now out with it or you leave me with no choice but to tickle it out of you!"

"Ok ok!" She braced herself. "If you really must know, I am envious! Zere! I said it!"

"Envious of whom?" He asked.

She sniffed guiltily but said nothing. He rolled his eyes and flexed his fingers. "Who?" He repeated.

"Bombalurina," she admitted.

He raised his eyebrows. "Now, why would you have any reason to be envious of her?" He asked incredulously. "I mean, don't get me wrong, you are both attractive in your own way..."

"Zis has nossing to do wiz looks!" She replied.

"Well, what then?" He demanded.

She pressed her lips shut and looked distinctly embarrassed. He was starting to get impatient. "Jazz!"

"I want...no! It is stupid!"

" _What_ do you want?"

She sounded so young and frightened, when she finally whispered, "A kitten."

He was quiet. His eyebrows knitted together and he appeared to be deep in thought. "Hmmm, I see," he mumbled.

She sighed, "I know. Silly of me, no…?"

He stood up straight and pulled her up with him so that they were face to face. "No, not silly," he said quietly. "Not silly at all."

Then to Jazzie's complete surprise he pointed to her in a vague impression of Mistoffelees and with an overexaggerated dramatic flourish he granted, "Your wish is my command! Kitten, come forth!"

"Munkustrap, is zat supposed to be funny?" She asked, giggling in spite of herself.

"Oh no! Since when am I ever funny?" He replied.

Although his expression remained stoic, his eyes sparkled. Had he gone mad? She looked at him, thoroughly confused. Then her eyes narrowed. "Are you taking ze Mic?" She asked, suspiciously.

His face broke into a knowing smile. "Take a test," he told her.

"What?"

"You heard me. Take a test," he repeated.

"What? Now?" She asked.

He rolled his eyes again. "No, next Jellicle Eve. Of course now, you daft mare!"

"Zey're upstairs-"

"I'll wait here," he said with nod.

She hesitated.

"Go on!" He insisted.

She raced up the stairs and ran to the office, startling Hortenseya. "Jazz, what are you…?"

She raised an eyebrow as her friend ransacked the drawers, clearly searching for something. She seemed to find what she was looking for, grabbed it and turned nervously to the blue Korat. "Sorry Tense! No time to explain!" She said breathlessly and rushed out again, headed into the lavatory and locked the door behind her, while Hortenseya shrugged, pushed her pince nez higher onto her nose and went back to her paperwork.

* * *

 

Presently, Jazzie walked back down to her lab, clutching the white envelope to her chest. "Well?" he asked.

She looked at him with eyes wide and held the package out to him. "I cannot look," she said nervously. "Can you do it?"

He sighed exasperatedly, rolled his eyes yet again and whipped it out of her paw. Then he deftly removed the white strip of paper from the envelope, though not having his specs to hand he had to squint and hold it at arms length to allow his eyes to focus on it. He studied the unassuming strip for quite a long time, but as he did so a smile spread across his face. "Look!" He showed her.

She shook her head. "I can't-"

"Look!" he persisted.

She opened her eyes. At first all she could see was a blurry white line, but slowly her eyes focussed and she saw two yellow lines staring out at her from the card (Red to you and me!) The second line was much fainter than the first, but it was definitely there. "Mon Dieu! Je dois être en train de rêver!" She gasped.*1

_"Damn! I love it when she speaks French!" he thought._

Aloud, he said, "No my dear, you are not dreaming. You are however, without a shadow of a doubt, most definitely pregnant."

"No…!"

"Oui! Félicitations mon amour!" *2

She was in complete shock. She didn't know whether to scream for joy or cry. It was more than her brain could handle. "I can't believe it…" she whispered as she leaned against him. "How did you know?"

"Ah!" He knowingly tapped his nose.

"Why? Do I smell different?" She asked.

"Only very slightly. I have to be very close to detect it because it is so faint. I believe they call it the pregnant smell."

"Does zis mean you won't want me anymore?"

"What? No! Jazz! I am never going to stop wanting you, ok! I am yours, now, forever, whenever and wherever!"

He waved his arms in a circular motion to emphasise that the word 'wherever' meant 'wherever'. Then he sighed, suddenly looking rather sad. "But you aren't going to want me," he said.

"Don't be silly, of course I will!" She disagreed, "How could I not...?"

"Trust me you won't," he insisted. "In a few weeks time, maybe even a few days, you won't want me anywhere near you."

He kissed her on the side of her head. "Call this a parting gift."

She slowly shook it. "Why zough?"

"That is how it must be. You body will change and so will your needs. If only it were up to me, but alas. The Everlasting has other plans for us already worked out."

"Zis is so weird! I don't feel any different!"

Jazzie looked down at her abdomen in fascination. Even though she had been pregnant before it was still a phenomenon that she didn't yet fully understand and it never ceased to amaze her. She placed her paw there and giggled, "I can't believe it. To sink zat I have a little Munkustrap growing in zere!"

He placed his paw onto hers. "Or a little Jazzie or five!" he reminded her.

"I know I say it all ze time, Munkustrap but I really do love you!" she said.

"I'll never get tired of hearing it, my love. And I have another surprise for you."

"What is it?" She said excitedly.

"Well, it wouldn't be much of a surprise if I told you now, would it?"

They started to walk up the stairs and returned to the main corridor to find a group of cats waiting for them. Hortenseya was looking very stern indeed with her arms folded over her engorged belly and tapping her foot like a pot bellied black guardian to the gates of Hell. "Are you two going to tell us what's going on? Or do we need to interrogate you?" She demanded.

"Not nosey at all, are you?" Munkustrap shot back. "We were having this thing called 'private time' with emphasis on the word 'private'. Jazzie, you don't have to tell them anything if you think it is too soon."

"What's too soon?" asked Jennyanydots.

Jazzie looked at Munkustrap and smiled. "I'm pregnant!" she announced.

"Oh how lovely!" exclaimed Jennyanydots, reaching for her hanky and blowing her nose loudly. "Jelly and I are going to be so busy!"

"Oh my gosh! I'm so happy for you, lady!" squealed Hortenseya, waddling over to embrace her. "Took you long enough! Hey, you can come to my antenatal class with me now! Won't that be fun? Squeeee!"

They were joined by Bombalurina who placed an arm around Jazzie. "Welcome to the club babe! Now we're officially mummy sisters!"

"I think this calls for a celebratory cup of tea," said Jennyanydots. "Who wants one?"

"Me please!"

"Me too!"

"Yeah I'll have one!"

"Oh, no thanks Jenny, I've gone right off it!" said Bombalurina.

"Can we have celebratory biltong biscuits with that too, please?" asked Munkustrap.

"Hungry, _are_ we?" asked Bombalurina.

"Starving, as it happens."

"I'm not surprised!"

They all laughed at that. Except Munkustrap, who just looked nonplussed.

* * *

 

 

"Right guys, I'm off to work," Bombalurina announced some time later.

"Look after yourself!" Jennyanydots reminded her. "And for Heaviside sake, take it easy!"

"Yes Marm!" Bombalurina groaned. "See you guys later!" She waved as she walked out of the entrance.

"See you, Bomba!" Munkustrap waved back and finished off his fifth biltong biscuit.

Upon noticing Jennyanydots's raised eyebrows, he asked, "What!?"

"When I said 'help yourself' I didn't mean 'eat them all!'" she explained, exasperatedly.

"Oh. Did I? D'oh!"

He checked the box but all that remained of the crunchy offerings were a few crumbs. Jennyanydots caught Jazzie's eye. "Where does he put it that's what I'd like to know?" she tutted, flinging her arms out to the side in a dramatic shrug.

"I've been working hard!" he vindicated. "And they were very nice biscuits!"

He turned back to Jazzie. "Right, I am going to go and freshen up, and then I shall meet you back here in a few hours, ok?"

"Oui, d'accord! À bientôt!" *3

He planted a quick goodbye kiss on her lips, waved to everyone else and followed Bombalurina out of the door. Jazzie watched him go, a whirlwind of thoughts spinning around her mind. "I need to speak wiz my Mozzer!" she thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *1 My God! I must be dreaming!  
> *2 Congratulations, my love.  
> *3 Yes OK! See you soon!


	7. Ransacked

Munkustrap walked through the door of his den and did a double take. “What the Hell…?”

The place was a complete tip! He didn't have very many material possessions, but the few that he did have were strewn across the floor. The bookshelf had been emptied of its books and vinyl records, the volumes carpeting the hardwood boards like paving slabs; some lying open as though someone had been reading them. A small table lay on its side next to its fallen comrades: a wooden wind up turntable and a large black typewriter; of which sheets of paper had exploded out of like a wound, spreading out across the floor. Growling, Munkustrap quickly gathered up the papers, trying to put them into some sort of order, but groaning when he realised that they were completely muddled up and some bits were even missing! He righted the table and put the papers down onto it for now, intending to go through them later, then he rescued the heavy typewriter and hefted it back onto the table with a hollow ‘clunk!’ before doing the same with the turntable. Next, he set about picking up the records, followed by the books and shoving them back onto the shelf (He would have to put them into alphabetical order later!) It was as he was replacing a rather hefty volume entitled, The Rulebook: a guide to being a successful Jellicle Protector, that he noticed his old Victorian style teak storage trunk. It was a fine piece of furniture; simple and unassuming, but sturdy and functional in its design with an aged finish, wooden feet, large metal ring handles, metal fixings and a metal cross latch which was usually locked shut with a chunky padlock. But someone had clearly managed to unlock it, for the flat lid was wide open and the trunk’s contents had exploded out of it. It was looking most put out at having been broken into, for it had probably never happened in all the time it had been standing there in the corner of the room (which was a lot longer than Munkustrap had been alive). He abandoned the books and knelt to check over the items. Whoever had gotten them out had had a jolly good nose about, but thankfully nothing appeared to be missing. A scrap book was lying open. Someone had clearly been perusing through it, so he went through it page by page to check that none of the photographs or newspaper clippings had been ripped out. His flicking revealed a myriad of images, including a photograph of a newborn kitten, a beautiful charcoal, marbled bengal queen holding five mismatched newborn kittens and next to that a photograph of an older kitten dressed in a white chorister’s cape, wearing a gold medal on a blue ribbon around his neck. He was also proudly clutching a cut crystal trophy in the shape of a rhomboid. There was another photograph of a skinny youth standing in a clearly choreographed pose, staring blankly at an unseen camera. “Gosh, I’m so thin!” he thought, noting that his biceps were now probably the same size as the waist of his adolescent self.

There were further images of models, including one of him posing moodily with his brother Rum Tum Tugger and a fresh faced Macavity. Upon turning the page, he found another image, this time of a young dancer holding a finishing pose. This was followed by an image of his young self being presented with his mark of Protectorship, which was the collar he now wore. There were also newspaper cuttings featuring a band and various headlines. But it was the image of a couple that made him stop. He paid particular attention, not to the skinny youth with his sunken eyes and defiant smirk, but to the young female he was posing next to. She was a long furred Balinese with light fawn merle markings mixed with white, streaked with faint mackerel stripes. She gazed out at him with wide, violet blue eyes which were slightly too close together, giving her the appearance of being just a little bit cross eyed. But this only added to her cute charm. Around her neck she wore a sparkling diamante collar that matched her eyes beautifully. How he had been mesmerized by those eyes... Before the lump in his throat could grow any larger he shut the book with a ‘snap!’ and carefully placed it in the bottom of the trunk. Then he proceeded to carefully place everything else back inside, including the weighty crystal trophy that had been in the photograph along with the gold medal still hanging on its rather faded blue ribbon, a black leather case containing a pince nez, a brass telescope, a harmonica and a crumpled black cloak, which he carefully folded before putting it away. Next, he delicately collected up a mala bead necklace from the floor and examined it for signs of damage. It was made from smooth black laboradite and blue kyanite beads complete with a silver guru bead pendant depicting the intricate image of a tree. Satisfied that it was undamaged, he slipped it into its black velvet cloth bag and put it with the rest of his things. Lastly, he picked up a blue velvet collar which was covered in sparkling diamante crystals, the very same one that She had been wearing. Touching it sent shock waves through him like an electric current. “Yes I know! Sorry!” He muttered, barely glancing at it as he quickly wrapped it up in its blue velvet cloth and stuffed it back inside the trunk before closing the lid and locking it.

It didn't take him long to work out who the perpetrator of this destruction was, because not only did their scent fill the den, but they were fast asleep on his bed! He could just make out his blankets moving up and down with the sleeper’s shallow breaths. So he slowly crept towards the bulge in the middle of the carefully laid out cushions and with one deft movement, whipped off the blankets, revealing...“Rumpleteazer. I might have known.”

“Oh!” She woke up with a start.

“Oh indeed.”

She stared up at him with petrified eyes. “Um...hi! Er...I was t-t-tired-?”

He growled at her and spoke quietly, his voice growing steadily angrier with every syllable, “It is a good job that you are female or I would be whooping your behind right now. As it stands, I may well break my pledge of nonviolence towards the fairer sex if you do not vacate my den within the next five seconds! One-!”

Before he could get to ‘two’ she was off like a rocket and practically zoomed out of the exit like a thing possessed. She didn't look back. “And if I see her come within ten feet of my den again, I will kick her all the way back to Victoria Grove!” he thought moodily.

Then he shook his head and groaned when he realised he now only had a short time to clean his wounds, clean his teeth (he still had remnants of his opponent’s fur stuck in the gaps!) have a wash and give his dusty coat a thorough brush! Yikes!


	8. Junkyard Records

Munkustrap bounded into the infirmary, a little out of breath. "Sorry I'm late…!" He panted. "Something...came up…"

He soon realised that the Seal point Snowshoe wasn't paying him the slightest bit of attention because she was too busy talking on the black bakelite telephone. So he leaned against the wall and waited patiently for her to finish (Well, I _say_ patiently!)

"Oui maman," Jazzie was saying to someone speaking animatedly on the other end. "Oui, je vais vraiment avoir un bébé!" *1

She waited for the excited chatter to die down before replying, "Ah merci, je ne sais pas encore. Je t'aime aussi! Oui." She gasped, "Mère!" and shot a guilty glance at Munkustrap, hoping he hadn't understood what her mother had just said about him. *2

A raised eyebrow and a confused expression told her that it was possible that he had though it was hard to tell. Then a smirk and a nod told her he had probably just done the maths. She sighed, "Oui Maman. Non Maman. Oui. Au revoir. Oui, je t'aime aussi. Au revoir! Non, vous raccrochez…" *3

Munkustrap started to rub his forehead with his fingertips. "...Oui, d'accord Maman! Oui! Au revoir! Je t'aime aussi…!" Jazzie went on.

Munkustrap rolled his eyes to the ceiling and silently prayed to the Everlasting Cat, "Give me strength!"

After what seemed like a lifetime of toing and froing, Jazzie finally hung up the phone and not a moment too soon, because if she had uttered another, "Non, vous raccrochez!" he thought he just might end up strangling her with the telephone cord.

"What were you telling her, your life story?" he grumbled.

"You're late!" she shot back.

"Even later now!" he muttered.

She folded her arms and pursed her lips at that. "What are we late _for_ anyway?" She asked.

"No time now! I’ll explain when we get there," He said hurriedly and grabbed her arm. "Come on, we might make it if we run!"

"Where are we going?" She demanded.

"Nowhere if we don't hurry up!" He griped. "Now stop dithering woman and come along, or we really will be late!"

"Late for what!?"

"Come on!"

* * *

 

Sometime later, Munkustrap knocked on a black front door belonging to a partly white washed Victorian five story building which was part of a terraced complex, complete with large panel windows and pointless wrought iron decorations, spiked wrought iron railings and a staircase leading to a basement below the street level. The door opened just a fraction and a face peeped out at them. On seeing who it was, the door was immediately flung open to reveal a post middle aged blue charcoal Bengal wearing a blue leopard print cropped denim jacket with the sleeves cut off. His smokey fur was so dark that his rosette spots could only just be made out. "Nephew!" He greeted Munkustrap. "Welcome! I take it you're here for the studio?"

Munkustrap nodded and replied, "Good afternoon Uncle. Not too late am I?"

The blue bengal shook his head dismissively. "No no! You're on time. And who is this?"

Having just noticed Jazzie, he immediately took her paw and bowed. "Either Rum Tum Tugger has had a sex change, or this isn't Rum Tum Tugger?" He chuckled, raising a suggestive eyebrow at Munkustrap.

"What impeccable manners you have," Jazzie replied. "My name is Doctor Jazzminora. But my friends call me Jazzie! And you are?"

"Keralon, at your service," he replied. "I am the sound engineer here. Are you here to record as well?"

"Um…I'm not sure…" she said.

She looked at Munkustrap, who winked and smiled. "Surprise, my dear!"

"Won't you come on through?" Offered Keralon, leading them through a hallway with walls decorated with ornate gold records.

* * *

 

In a small soundproof room, Jazzie sat alone at a pedal harp. On the other side of the glass, in the control room, Keralon instructed her by speaking into a microphone, his voice filtering through the specially designed headphones she wore over her ears. "Right Jazz, whenever you're ready."

She looked at her sheet music and adjusted them. Then, hearing the click track tick in her ears, she counted herself in and began to pluck the opening bars of the song, _'bom bom bom, bom, bom bom bom, bom…'_

When she'd finished the song, she heard the sound engineer's voice in her ear again, "Ok Jazz, that was great! Now if you could take a seat at the piano and Munkustrap will join you."

* * *

 

Munkustrap and Jazzie sat down together at the small piano and repeated the song, only this time Munkustrap sang acapella into the microphone with only the click track to guide him,

 _"When the night has come_  
_And the land is dark_  
_And the moon is the only light we see_  
_No I won't be afraid_  
_No I won't be afraid_  
_Just as long as you stand, stand by me."_

He started on the piano,

 _"And darling, darling stand by me_  
_Oh, now, now, stand by me_  
_Stand by me, stand by me."_

Then it was Jazzie's turn to sing,

 _"If the sky that we look upon_  
_Should tumble and fall_  
_And the mountain should crumble to the sea_  
_I won't cry, I won't cry_  
_No I won't shed a tear_  
_Just as long as you stand, stand by me."_

* * *

 

They met up with with Keralon in the control room. The Blue Bengal was busy working his magic, fiddling dials and twiddling knobs until he seemed satisfied. He finished tweaking, rewound the tapes and played them back for analysis.

The sound of Munkustrap and Jazzie's voices filtered through the speakers, their singing brought together by warming harp and piano, the final chorus preceded by a stunning piano and harp duo with the harp taking the lead and then, when their vocals came in over the top of that, it brought the whole song to a goosebump inducing finale.

 _"And darling, darling stand by me_  
_Oh, stand by me_  
_Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me_  
_Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me_  
_Oh, now, now, stand by me_  
_Oh, stand by me, stand by me, stand by me_  
_Darling, darling stand by me_  
_Stand by me_  
_Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me."_

(Stand By Me by John Lennon)

* * *

 

A few hours later, Munkustrap and Jazzie meandered back to the yard via Exotica's cafe. The storm had lifted, leaving only a few scattered showers in its wake. These continued to drench unsuspecting passers by in between bouts of warm sunshine and the air smelled clean and fresh, unusual and fleeting for the heavily polluted city. "So, will zat song be on an album?" asked Jazzie.

"Hopefully, once Keralon has cleaned it up and mucked about with it. I think it sounded pretty good though," Munkustrap replied, a piece of calamari halfway to his mouth. "It's a new solo project I'm working on called Reece Silver Sings. I've recorded five songs so far, all duos. So I've got one with Skimbleshanks playing the trumpet. I think we sang A Kiss To Build A Dream On for that. With Tugger I did Man Who Sold The World, and then a rendition of Santana's Smooth with Bombi and her double bass, Let There Be Love with Bustopher Jones and his clarinet, and you of course."

Jazzie chewed thoughtfully on a cube of monkfish. "Why do you use a different name?" She asked.

"The record company made me use it but I don't really mind. I wouldn't want a load of over curious humans tramping all over the yard."

"You know, zat may not be such a bad idea," she surmised.

"How do you mean?"

"Ze infirmary needs money," she confessed. "We are barely breaking even. We're in desperate need of blood donations and we're running low on medical supplies. If sings don't improve, it may not be safe to treat cats zere…"

"...Which would be disastrous!" He finished. "The album won't be released until sometime next year and I can't exactly count on the sales."

"Oui. Which is why I have written to Full moon Magazine…"

"Full moon what?"

"It is something zat humans read," she explained. "Anyway, zey wrote back and said zey'd like to do an interview."

"Who with?" Asked Munkustrap as he reached for another piece of calamari.

"Ze Everlasting Cat."

He looked up. "Really? I wish them luck with that."

She rolled her eyes in a light hearted display of exasperation. "No silly, it's you zey want to question."

Then her voice switched to pleading, "Please say you'll do it. Ze publicity could be just what we need."

"Alright, I'll do it. But it'll cost you." He grinned.

"Oh sank you! I will write back to zem later to confirm ze appointment."

"Anything for you," he smiled and then admitted, "To be honest, I may have to go and find some work for next year anyway as my own finances are running a little low."

"What will you do?" She asked.

"I don't know yet. I'll go and see Lawrence at some point."

"Whose Lawrence?"

"My agent."

"Oh."

They quietly finished off their seafood platter and then Jazzie changed the subject. "So?" She queried, narrowing her eyes a little. "Care to tell me why you were late, hmmm?"

"Well, it's not what you're clearly thinking!" He retorted.

He then told her about finding Rumpleteazer in his den after having ransacked it. "I honestly don't know what's gotten into her lately," he concluded, shaking his head. "She's been acting very strangely!"

"Stranger zan usual?" Jazzie giggled.

"Yeah. I mean, you saw her in the club. I swear, I was just as disturbed as you were!"

"I guess," figured Jazzie, "If she keeps on being a pain-"

"Oh there's no curing that-!"

"...you'll just have to talk to her. Ask her what's going on. Maybe she's just trying to tell you somesing," she suggested.

"What would she be trying to tell me?" He asked incredulously.

She smiled sadly. "I am afraid you will have to ask her zat yourself," she replied.

* * *

 

Making their way back to the yard, she slipped an arm into his. "How about we make ze most of our last day togezzer?" She said with a suggestive smile.

He couldn't quite keep the smirk from his handsome features as he replied, "Oh alright then. Seeing as you owe me, how could I decline?"

Unfortunately, she failed to notice the smile fade just a little too quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *1 Yes mum. Yes, I will really have a baby!  
> *2 Oh thank you, I do not know yet. I love you too. Yes. Mother!  
> *3 Yes mum. No mum. Yes. Goodbye. Yes, I love you too. Goodbye! No, you hang up...


	9. In Sickness And In Health

_"Sundown all around_ _  
_ _Walking through the summer's end_ _  
_ _Waves crash, baby, don't look back_ _  
_ _I won't walk away again_ _  
_ _Oh, baby, anywhere you go,_ _  
_ _We are bound together_ _  
_ _I begin, baby, where you end_ _  
_ _Somethings are forever_ _  
_ _  
_ _Circle in the sand_ _  
_ _Round and round_ _  
_ _Never ending love is what we've found_ _  
_ _And you complete the heart of me_ _  
_ _Our love is all we need_ _  
_ _Circle in the sand_  
Circle in the sand

 _Cold wind, tide moves in_ _  
_ _Shivers in the salty air_ _  
_ _Day breaks, my heart aches_ _  
_ _I will wait for you right here_ _  
_ _Oh baby when you look for me_ _  
_ _Can you see forever?_ _  
_ _I begin, baby, where you end_ _  
_ _We belong together_ _  
_ _  
_ _Circle in the sand_ _  
_ _Round and round_ _  
_ _Rising of the moon as the sun goes down_ _  
_ _And you complete the heart of me_  
Our love is all we need

 _Circle in the sand_ _  
_ _Circle in the sand_ _  
_ _  
_ _Baby can you hear me?_ _  
_ _Can you hear me calling?_ _  
_ _  
_ _Oh, baby, anywhere you go,_ _  
_ _We are bound together_ _  
_ _I begin, baby, where you end_ _  
_ _Somethings are forever_ _  
_ _Circle in the sand_ _  
_ _Round and round_ _  
_ _Never ending love is what we've found_ _  
_ _And you complete the heart of me_ _  
_ _Our love is all we need_  
(Circle in the sand)."

(Circle In The Sand by Belinda Carlisle)

The light had begun to dim when Jazzie stirred, having had the most glorious dream. Who said it had to end when she awoke? She was where she loved to be more than anywhere else in the World, struggled against the velvety soft fur of her beautiful silver male. She smiled and closed her eyes again, hoping for just a little more time in her whirlpool of bliss. But for some reason, something didn't feel quite right. She stretched her legs and gently kneaded him with her paws, trying to shift the uncomfortable feeling, but it only grew more persistent. She buried her cheek into his fur, finding momentary comfort in having his warm body pressing against hers and the thud of his heartbeat against her ears. Then a scent filled her nostrils. In fact, she realised that she could smell everything, from the wooden floorboards, to the detergent in the woollen blankets, and even the rust coming from the corrugated iron roof. She fervently wished she could switch off her sense of smell, for it felt overloaded and she was beginning to feel very queer. Then another scent hit her. One that was so familiar. One that she couldn't usually get enough of now hung sickly in the back of her throat. It was him! His faint burly scent that smelt like Chipre and intoxicated her whenever she breathed it in was now making her feel queasy as though she had finally overdosed on it. Suddenly overwhelmed with nausea, she staggered from the bed and only just made it to the sink in time to throw up into it, crying out as her guts continued to twist and heave long after they'd been emptied. "Mon Dieu, make it stop!" She thought as she retched and gagged.

Just when she thought she couldn't take any more, the feeling lifted and she leaned weakly against the sink, gulping in air. Someone caressed her ears, but she felt herself shrink away from the touch as though repelled by it. "Don't...!" she whispered hoarsely.

She could almost feel his heart breaking behind her, but there was nothing she could do about it, and he remained silent as he filled up a cup with spring water and handed it to her. "And so it begins," he said finally.

"Sank you," she answered graciously, taking a small sip.

She looked at him sympathetically. "You've done zis before, haven't you?"

"Enough times."

His face was deadpan, but he couldn't fool her anymore. She could see the pain that he was trying to hide and cursed herself mentally for being unable to do anything to ease it. She brushed aside her own anguish and tried to smile. "Sorry about your sink," she apologised. "I clean it up-"

But he put a paw on hers to stop her. "Don't worry about it,"  he told her.

Then he smiled. "I don't suppose you'd like a cup of tea?"

She clapped a paw to her mouth and once again began heaving into the sink. "I'll take that as a 'no' then?" he chuckled, shivering a little as he busied himself with the tea making but thought nothing of it, putting it down to sympathy pains (He often got those!)

Despite his protests that he'd sort it, Jazzie was true to her word and thoroughly scrubbed the sink, still feeling a dull sense of nagging queasiness but was quietly confident that she wasn't going to be sick again (She hoped!) "How about one final yoga session?" he suggested. "It'll make us feel better."

"Us?" She asked as they wandered outside, jumped down off the scrap pile and into the clearing.

She looked at him, but he didn't elaborate any further which immediately set off the suspicion bell in her brain. "Munkustrap? What are you hiding?" She demanded.

"I'm not hiding anything!" He laughed. "Come on! Samastitihi. And this time, I am going to follow you."

"Pourquoi?" She asked as she faced him in the equal standing position with her big toes together and arms by her sides. *1

He quickly made some excuse, "I just...don't fancy doing anything too taxing today."

"And why not?" Jazzie persisted.

"I'm feeling a little tired," he admitted.

"Nothing for you to worry yourself over!" He insisted stubbornly when she looked like she was about to start an argument. "Now...breathe."

"Humph! So, you sink I cannot do taxing?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I never said that-!"

"Oui. But you were insinuating it!"

"I was not!" He grinned mischievously. "I would just like to see what you've learned, that's all. And perhaps at least _try_ and put me through my paces!"

Her paws were on her hips as she answered defiantly, "You're on!"

"I am so dead?" He assumed.

She smiled just a little bit evilly. "Yes," she said. "You are."

* * *

 

 By the time their session was over, both cats lay on their backs in savasana with their eyes gently closed and their breathing gradually slowing down. "Was taxing for you, no?" She asked after a while.

"Um, _fairly_ ," he replied (He had to admit, she _was_ getting pretty good at this yoga thing, but he wasn't about to tell her that!)

"Fairly?!" She roared.

He slowly made his way to standing and faced her. "Er, do I _look_ dead to you?" he asked condescendingly.

"Are you trying to wind me up?" She growled.

He laughed. "I don't exactly need to try. Plus you know I love it when you're angry. It is so very cute."

"I'll give you cute!" She wanted to tackle him, but then suddenly remembered! Probably not wise in her condition! So instead they stood facing each other, not really knowing what else to say.

"So," she began. "I suppose zis is goodbye?"

He sighed heavily. "Yes. I suppose it is."

She couldn't even kiss him because the mere thought made her feel sick. So they simply nodded their farewells, then she turned and walked away. "Jazz…just a minute!" He called.

She stopped and closed her eyes in exasperation, but refused to turn around and meet his. "Please...zis is already hard for me…"

"I know," he said understandingly. "Which is why I feel I need to say this."

"Say what?"

 _"I can't buy your love, don't even want to try_  
_Sometimes the truth won't make you happy_  
_So I'm not going to lie_  
_But don't ever question that my heart beats only for you_  
_It beats only for you_

 _I know I'm far from perfect_  
_Nothing like your entourage_  
_I can't grant you any wishes_  
_I won't promise you the stars_  
_But don't ever question that my heart beats only for you_  
_It beats only for you_

 _'Cause when you given up_  
_When no matter what you do, it's never good enough_  
_When you never thought that it could ever get this tough_  
_That's when you feel my kind of love_

 _And when you're crying out_  
_When you fall and then can't pick_  
_You're heavy on the ground_  
_When the friends you thought you had haven't stuck around_  
_That's when you feel my kind of love_

 _You won't see me at the parties_  
_I guess I'm just no fun_  
_I won't be turning up the radio_  
_Singing baby you're the one_  
_But don't ever question that my heart beats only for you_  
_It beats only for you_

 _I know sometimes I get angry and I'd say what I don't mean_  
_I know I keep my heart protected, far away from my sleeve_  
_But don't ever question that my heart beats only for you_  
_It beats only for you_

 _'Cause when you given up_  
_When no matter what you do, it's never good enough_  
_When you never thought that it could ever get this tough_  
_That's when you feel my kind of love_

 _And when you're crying out_  
_When you fall and then can't pick_  
_You're heavy on the ground_  
_When the friends you thought you had_  
_Haven't stuck around_  
_That's when you feel my kind of love_

 _'Cause when you given up_  
_When no matter what you do, it's never good enough_  
_When you never thought that it could ever get this tough_  
_That's when you feel my kind of love."_

(My kind of Love by Emeli Sande)

She heard a dull thud behind her. Confused, she just happened to glance back and screamed when she saw the Bengcoon lying motionless on the ground. "MUNK!"

She raced to his side, fell to her knees and pulled him onto her lap. "Speak to me my love!" she pleaded, giving him a shake but he didn't respond. "Oh no! Please! Not again!"

She kissed his forehead, determined to override the stupid sick feeling, and her caressing paws discovered a rather fine lump growing on his temple. Slowly, his eyes flickered open and he looked up at her. "What...? Where...? How...?"

He felt disoriented and confused. "How come I'm on the floor?"

"I don't know, you just...collapsed!" She replied shakily.

"Ah."

He slowly sat up. Then his paw went to his side and he doubled over, grimacing.

"What is it? Tell me!" she begged.

"It hurts...!"

"Since when?"

"Well it, never really stopped..." he confessed. "But now it seems to have gotten worse all of a sudden."

That didn't sound good! "Oh no! Munkustrap, why didn't you say somesing?" She cried.

"I didn't want to worry you," he said guiltily.

"Foolish Tom!" She berated. "I need to get you to ze Infirmary. Can you walk?"

He gingerly touched his head and winced. "I'm going to have to, aren't I?" he grumbled. "Jenny's going to be happy, not!" 

As predicted...

* * *

 

 "I cannot count how many toms we've lost to bravado!" Jennyanydots scolded as she examined him. "You're running a temperature of forty point one, your lymph nodes are like a couple of eggs and your wound is infected! That knife must have been filthy!"

Jazzie had tried her best to treat him on her own, but the moment she had removed the dressing the smell of infection had hit her nostrils and she'd had no option but to dive for the toilets. "I'm sorry Jenny, I just can't do anysing…!" she said when she finally emerged, looking thoroughly drained.

The Gumbie Cat put a kind arm around her. "Go home dear," she suggested. "You're no good to us like this. Go and rest, come back when you feel better. Don't worry about him. I will sort him out!"

"Merci!" Said Jazzie, graciously. 

"Shoo! Scram!" The Gumby Cat replied, swishing her towards the door.

Jazzie took one last glance at Munkustrap who was lying on the examining table with his arms folded like he'd been ordered to, waiting patiently to be treated. But she could tell by the way his tail was flicking that his patience was fast running out. He met her eyes and gave her a pleading look that said, _"Please, don't leave me with her!"_

_"Merde!" Jazzie cursed herself inwardly. "I told you not to look into zem! What did I look into his eyes for? How am I supposed to leave?"_

"Jenny, could I have a moment wiz your patient, please?" She asked, tentatively.

"You most certainly cannot!" Jennyanydots replied haughtily.

" _Pleeease_ , Jenny!" Jazzie begged.

"Oh...alright!" huffed Jennyanydots. "Five minutes! That's all!" And She marched off somewhere.

Meanwhile, Jazzie held the Bengcoon's paw and felt him squeeze her's. "How are you feeling?" She asked, even though it was quite obvious how he was feeling.

"Like shite!" He replied honestly, his eyes still begging her not to go.

"I'll be back!" she promised, knowing he would rather have been lying on a bed of nails than stuck there on that table!

"I'm going to prove you wrong, Munkustrap," she told him. "As soon as zis sickness deserts me, I shall be onto you, so be warned! You're not going to get rid of me zat easily!"

She grasped his paws and helped him to sit up. The movement was clearly painful for him because he pressed his lips together, closed his eyes and held his breath before letting it out through his nose. But he didn't complain. She sat opposite him and crossed her legs, held his paws tightly in hers and then pressed her forehead into his.

 _"Sometimes we're quiet,"_ she sang _,_  
_"Because we want to listen_  
_Or 'cause there's so much_  
_We want to say_  
_The heavens and hells in us_  
_Drive us, drive us insane_

 _I'll hug you like a mountain_  
_I'll hug you like a mountain_  
_I'll hug you close to me_  
_I'll hug the cage in you_  
_The cage is in you-ou_  
_You-ou are close to me."_

He replied,  _"We are lonely sometimes_  
_She said hugging her knees_  
_I love you, yes I love you_  
_Do you love me? Please..._

_I'll hug you like a mountain  
_I'll hug you like a mountain_  
_I'll hug you close to me_  
_I'll hug the cage in you_  
_The cage is in you-ou_  
_You-ou are close to me."__

_"I'll keep looking for you,"_ she admitted _._  
_"Amongst unfamiliar faces_  
_When I walk the streets_  
_Ride the bus_  
_And squeeze myself_  
_out of crowded places_

 _I'll hug you like a mountain_  
_I'll hug you like a mountain_  
_I'll hug you close to me_  
_I'll hug the cage in you_  
_The cage is in you-ou_  
_You-ou are close to me."_

They promised eachother,

 _"We wash away our lies_  
_With our tears and we're naked_  
_When we're crying_  
_We look for the truth in_  
_Everything we do_  
_And we love ourselves_  
_Laughing, laughing, laughing_  
_And we love ourselves_  
_Laughing, laughing, laughing_

 _I'll hug you like a mountain_  
_I'll hug you like a mountain_  
_I'll hug you close to me_  
_I'll hug the cage in you_  
_The cage is in you-ou_  
_You-ou are close to me."_

 _"I'll be the one you can stay with_  
_When all your loves aren't true_  
_Down hills in my heart_  
_I'll come running to you."_

They embraced.

 _"I'll hug you like a mountain_  
_I'll hug you like a mountain_  
_I'll hug you close to me_  
_I'll hug the cage in you_  
_The cage is in you-ou_  
_You-ou are close to me."_

(Hug You Like A Mountain by Eliza Carthy and the Wayward band feat. Teddy Thomas)

She tried to pull away, but he held on. "You have to let go of me!" She told him.

"I promised you I wouldn't!" He whispered.

"You must! Or we'll both get into trouble!" She replied nervously.

"Don't go!" He pleaded.

"I have to."

She forced down a painful lump in her throat and tore herself away.

As he watched her leave, he heaved a sigh that was laden with sadness, just as Jennyanydots bustled over armed with antibiotic tablets, water, saline, wads of thick gauze pads, cotton buds, tweezers, gauze cloths, scissors and surgical tape. "Lie down!" She ordered, grabbing his shoulder and pushing him down flat.

"Can I go after this?" he asked hopefully.

He received a stern sideways glance from the indomitable matron and an equally stern reply. "You Sir, are to have a week of bed rest and THEN I shall decide whether or not you are well enough to leave."

She gave him a look that blatantly said, "Argue with me, at your peril!"

"Oh!" Munkustrap groaned.

This was going to be as much fun as taking a ride on a legless horse!


	10. An Education

Jazzie was fast asleep in bed when she was startled awake by a quiet knock at the door. She groaned and tried to go back to sleep, hoping they'd go away. She was just drifting off again when the rude knocking started back up, dragging her out of a pleasant dose and the start of a promising dream. “Mistoffelees? If it's Tensy you're after, she's in ze Infirmary!” she called.

But the knocking persisted. So with a sigh she stretched and dragged herself out of bed, loped over to the door and opened it. “Yes? Who is it?” She asked sleepily.

To her surprise, standing before her nervously shuffling her feet was a young ginger torbie. “Oh?" She exclaimed. "Teazer? I was not expecting you!”

“Is it alright if I come in?” Rumpleteazer asked. “Only, I needs to speak with ya, proper urgent like.”

“Um, certainly. I-I’ll make us some tea. Make yourself at home.”

While she waited for the kettle to boil on the little camping stove, Jazzie fumbled for mugs; realised they were filthy and had to give them a quick rinse in the sink. “So, Teazer?” she asked, when she finally handed the Torbie tabby a mug of tea and sat down on the floor opposite her. “What seems to be ze problem?”

Rumpleteazer didn't answer immediately, but stared into her mug of tea as though hoping to find the answers to her burning questions in its honey beige contents. “I've been feeling all odd, like. Sort of like not meself,” she began.

“In what way?” Jazzie asked patiently.

“I dunno. Like I'm some sort of crazy person. And I've been doing all these weird things too...”

“Like ransacking a certain tom’s den perhaps?” Jazzie suggested.

“Yeah!" Rumpleteazer said quickly. "I didn't mean to, honest. It just sort of happened. I just wanted to have a chat with him that was all. But he wasn't there, so I decided to wait. And then I got bored…!”

She bit her lip, looking very sheepish. “He got the right 'ump he did!”

“I'm not surprised!” said Jazzie.

Then she queried, “Is zere anysing else you've been doing zat anyone who knows you would say was out of character at all?”

“Yeah!" Rumpleteazer replied enthusiastically as though suddenly remembering. "I've been a right old misery guts, I have. I keep ballin’ me bleedin’ eyes out…”

At that moment she sniffed and her eyes glazed over. “Sometimes, I just can't stop…!” she said, her voice wobbling dangerously. And then the floodgates opened.

Panicking, Jazzie dropped her mug and gathered the stricken queen into her arms as she howled, “Nobody loves me!”

“Shhh, zere zere!” soothed Jazzie. “Of _course_ cats love you. Please don't cry!”

But unfortunately this plea had the opposite effect, making the Torbie cry even more. “E-even J-Jerry don't want me ara-round!" She stammered in between sobs. "S-said to c-come b-b-back when I-I've ch-cheered up, an-an I've got this awful pain in me Aunt Nellie that just won't go away!"

She pointed to her tummy and carried on wailing, "Waaaaaahaaaaahaaaa...!”

Jazzie waited for ten minutes, gently rocking the Torbie until she eventually calmed down. “Rumpleteazer?" She said quietly.

But the queen was crying so loudly that she didn't hear. "Rumpleteazer!?” Jazzie repeated, slightly louder this time.

“Yeah?” came a moan from her shoulder.

“I sink I may know what is wrong wiz you,” she said calmly.

Rumpleteazer pulled away, looking at her with bleary eyes as she wiped her nose with the back of her paw. Jazzie quickly handed her a rag which she proceeded to blow her nose into before handing back. “Really?” She squeaked.

“Yes, but first, may I ask how old you are?” Jazzie questioned as she tossed the snotty rag over her shoulder into the already overflowing wicker laundry basket. 

“I've seen two Jellicle moons,” Rumpleteazer replied.

“Ok," Jazzie took a deep breath and began.

"Rumpleteazer, have you ever heard of somesing called Oestrus?” she asked.

Rumpleteazer frowned. “Wassat? I ain't had much schooling, so I dunno much.”

“Do you know what it means to be on heat?” Jazzie tried.

Rumpleteazer beamed at finally understanding something. “Oh! You mean, like, wanting kittens an that…?”

“Yes," said Jazzie. "Your body is telling you zat you're ready. And ze symptoms will get stronger when a certain tom is around.”

“Oh! Riiiight!" Rumpleteazer suddenly looked thoughtful.

"That'll explain all the weird thoughts I've been having lately!" She mused to herself.

"Um, I never really thought about having babies before," she explained to Jazzie. "But now all my friends are havin em, I feels kind of like, a bit left out. Y’know what I mean? Also, I can't seem to get pictures of kittens out of me head. I spend hours just thinking up names for em, like. And me arms feel so empty that I've been cuddling on of the family’s teddy bears just so as I can get me some Bo Peep!”

She sniffed and then enquired, “Ere? How'd you get one?”

"Get what?" Asked Jazzie.

"You know! A bun in the oven!" Rumpleteazer pointed to Jazzie's tummy. “Don't tell me you forgot!”

“Oh!" Jazzie smacked her forehead and smiled apologetically. "Yes, silly me! I've been so tired, I can't believe I forgot!”

"I dunno how you could forget sommink like that..." Rumpleteazer said, dreamily. "You're so lucky, you know that don't ya? What I wouldn't give for just one..."

Jazzie was confused, so she thought she'd tentatively ask, “Teazer?"

"Yeah?"

"You _do_ know how kittens are made, don't you?”

Rumpleteazer rolled her eyes. “They fall out the sky. Of course I knows how kits is made, what you take me for some sort of dimwit?”

“Oh, zat's a relief-!”

“So, what's it like, then?” Asked Rumpleteazer.

“What's what like?” Jazzie gave her another confused look.

“Y’know, bein struck by lightning?" Rumpleteazer went on. "Does it hurt?”

Jazzie's mouth fell open. “What?!”

“That's what Jerry said!”

“ _What_ did Jerry say?” Jazzie asked worriedly.

“That to get pregnant you have to stand out in a storm and get struck by lightning,” Rumpleteazer explained matter of factly.

Jazzie had her paws over her eyes and stared at her through the gaps between her fingers. “ _Please_ tell me you haven't been doing zat!”

“Oh yeah. I was on the roof the other night during that storm-”

“Please, please, _please_! Promise me you won't do zat, anymore!” Jazzie gasped.

“Why not?”

“Because!" Jazzie said exasperatedly. "Not only is it _incredibly_ dangerous, but zat is NOT how you get pregnant!”

“Just wait till I get my paws on you Jerry!” She thought.

Rumpleteazer looked downcast. “Oh. Well, how else am I supposed to get pregnant then?” she sniffed.

Jazzie sighed. “I'll make us another cup of tea. And zen I shall tell you a story involving some birds and bees.”

Rumpleteazer squealed happily. “Oh! I loves a good story, I does! Someone else is good at telling those y'know!” She winked.

* * *

 

 Well, five cups of tea and three diagrams later, Rumpleteazer was only just getting her head around this new concept. Jazzie had had to patiently start from the beginning and work from there, but finally the information seemed to be sinking in. “So, what you're saying is, I needs to get myself a tom?” Rumpleteazer said thoughtfully.

“Zat's right!" Jazzie replied, sounding relieved. "Do you have anyone in mind?”

“Well, I did have a boyfriend, Victor. But he dumped me after the club night.”

Jazzie looked sympathetic. “I'm sorry to hear zat-”

“Ah don't be!" Rumpleteazer interrupted. "He had about as much personality as me left butt cheek, anyway, beggin your pardon!”

“It’s ok!" Laughed Jazzie. "Carry on.”

“Well, I sort of like someone else now,” Rumpleteazer continued, suddenly looking awkward.

“Who?” Jazzie asked innocently.

Rumpleteazer bit her lip. “I can't...saying his name sets me off sommink rotten!”

“Why don't you describe him to me, zen?” Jazzie suggested.

So Rumpleteazer closed her eyes and thought hard for a moment, her brow furrowed in concentration. “His eyes are like...like the Thames on a Summer's day. His coat shimmers like silver solder and...diamond dust? Yeah! Diamond dust. And when he sings, yeah? Even the rain stops so that it can have a listen. When he moves, it sends earthquakes up me spine. I could spend all day just watching him, like! And when he looks at me, I just erupt smiles all over the place and I'd give them all to him if I could. He never smiles back though…”

“I sink I know who you're on about-” began Jazzie, but Rumpleteazer immediately cut her off.

“Please! Don't say it! You'll set me off again!”

“I won't. But I do sink zat your best bet would be to have a quiet word wiz him and tell him how you feel.”

Rumpleteazer vigorously shook her head. “Oh no! I couldn't do that! He hates me guts!”

“He is not well at ze moment," said Jazzie. "Give him about a week. And I would at least apologise for messing up his den. He wasn't best pleased about zat, you know!”

Rumpleteazer dutifully nodded and gave her a little salute. “Alright, I will. Ta Doc! I mean, Jazz. Can I call you Jazz?”

“Of course!" Jazzie smiled. "We are friends now.”

Rumpleteazer looked slightly incredulous. "You mean you don't mind me...like, _infringing_ on your turf, so a speak?"

"What do you mean by 'infringing?'" Asked Jazzie, looking confused.

"Well he's yours, innee? That's what I thought."

"Not anymore. Our time togezzer is up," Jazzie said sadly. 

Then she smiled again. "But yours might just be beginning!"

She gave the younger queen a hug. "So don't worry. You'll keep him company for me, oui?"

Rumpleteazer hugged her back and almost started crying again. “Thank you! I really appreciate this I does," she said hoarsely. "I needs a wee now though!”

“No worries. I shall see you out," said Jazzie and guided her towards the door. "Take care! Oh! And Teazer?”

“Yeah?” The Torbie turned back halfway out of the door.

“He is not unreasonable," she advised. "Talk and he will listen.”

Rumpleteazer smiled. “Ta nurse! Alligator!” And she skipped happily off towards Victoria Grove.

“Au revoir!” Jazzie waved goodbye and then went to collapse on the bed.

“Finally! Can I go back to sleep now?” she thought.


	11. New Life

The kittens in the creche were playing one of their favourite games. It was a variant of What's The Time Mister Wolf except that no one asked what the time was, because no one could tell it. The object of the game was simple. To creep up on an unsuspecting, snoozing Silver Bengcoon and either run away screaming if he woke up (quite often snarling like a disturbed lion) or jump on him en masse! So having very carefully crept to without a few feet, they decided to do the latter and with a cry a cry of, “Let's get him!” They pounced. All twelve of them!

Fed up with constantly having to drag himself up, Munkustrap decided on a different tactic which was as follows: pretend to be asleep and hope they'd get bored eventually, leaving him in peace. No such luck. One kitten started savaging his ears while another decided to go up against his tail in a tug of war contest. A third used his whiskers for swatting practice (tweaking several of them out in the process) and six others discovered that his back made an excellent trampoline. A careless foot in the eye was the final straw and with a  
“Raaaar!” He suddenly grabbed the offending miscreant and pretended to maul him to death whilst taking great care to keep his claws retracted, only wishing the kittens would have the same courtesy!

He winced as the little needles raked across his cheek. In fact his whole body was now covered in minute little annoying scratches that were itchy rather than painful. “Mercy!” the kitten cried between fits of giggles as the Munkustrap relentlessly tickled him to within an inch of his life.

This was quickly followed by shouts of, “Tickle me! Tickle me!” as every kitten wanted a go.

“No, tickle me!”

“No, me first!”

“No me!”

“No me!!!”

A scene of chaos descended as they all started squabbling amongst themselves. “Right you horrible lot, calm it down or Jelly will do her nut! This is a nursery, not a monkey enclosure!” He scolded them (not that it made much difference.)

“Munku! Munku!” cried a little mocha kitten with a white chest.

“What is it _now_ , Willowmist?” Munkustrap groaned.

“Della’s crying!" She yelled, her eyes wide with concern. "And so...and so is...um, Elias!”

Sure enough, five tiny kittens, they're eyes only recently having opened, were having a kickabout on their little play gym, gurgling at their reflections in the toy mirror and swatting at the squeaky giraffe, the jingly penguin and the russly rabbit. But two of them had since lost interest in their stimulating surroundings and were bawling their eyes out, angrily flailing and kicking their little limbs against the air as they worked their little lungs into a full scale squall. “Hey, now what's all this fuss about?” Munkustrap asked as he bent to pick them up.

No sooner had he done this then the others started crying as well so that he ended up with five kittens in his arms, all feverishly mewling at once. In an attempt to sooth them, he walked around, bounced them gently and then when this had no effect, began to purr furiously. That seemed to help a bit, but there was only so long they would be content to nuzzle into his fur before they realised there was nothing there for them. Luckily at that moment someone came to his rescue. “Jelly! Thank Frigg! If you don't feed these kits soon they're going to eat _me_!” Munkustrap exclaimed, only too happy to hand his kittens back to their mother and aunt.

“Thank you for looking after them, pet,” said Jellylorum as she took them from him. “They weren't too much trouble were they?”

Munkustrap looked around the nursery and at the young orphans now happily playing. It looked like a scene from War of The Worlds, but apart from that…“No no! No trouble. No trouble at all! Anytime,” he lied.

“Oh good!” she said, sounding relieved.

Then she went on to inform him. “Just to let you know, Victoria gave birth this morning."

Munkustrap beamed. "Oh fantastic! What did she have?"

"A little girl. I think they've decided to name her Serran. You can go and see them if you like."

"I wouldn't pass up the chance to see my first Grandchild," Munkustrap laughed.

"I still can't get over it!" Sighed Jellylorum. "You! A grandfather!"

"Tell me about it!" Munkustrap groaned.

"Oh! And that reminds me!" Jellylorum added, clapping a paw to her foehead. "How could I have forgotten? Baby brain, that's what it is! You're about to become a father for the umpteenth time as well! What with Tanti having just gone into labour-”

"What!?" Munkustrap started.

"I said," repeated Jellylorum. "Tantomile has just gone into labour-"

“Oh my gosh! I’d better go!”

He gave her a small peck on the cheek. “Goodbye little ones,” he kissed each of their tiny heads and then waved to the rest. “So long rascals!”

“BYE MUNKUSTRAP!” they chorused.

"Congratulations!" Jellylorum called after him.

"Thank you!" He called back.

* * *

 

 “Alright Tanti, you're doing just fine!” Jennyanydots was saying as Tantomile lay groaning on the birthing table. “You are now fully dilated. Babies are going to be here very soon!”

Between puffs on the gas and air, Tantomile gasped, “Munkus-strap?”

Her twin brother grasped her paw, looking deeply concerned and in great discomfort. It was almost as though he could feel every painful contraction, like he himself was going through labour. He tried to comfort her as best he could but it was a drop in the ocean, for the only thing that Tantomile could really focus upon through the fug of pain was the rhythmic sound of the electrocardiogram and the hiss of the gas and air. “Don't worry,” he reasurred her. “He'll be here. Jelly has just gone to fetch him. Say, you don't suppose _I_ could have some of that stuff, you do...?”

He took her angry hiss as a, “NO!”

“Wow Tanti! You must be in pain. I've never known you to hiss at your brother before!”

Coricopat looked up to see a silver Bengcoon striding over to them. “Munkus you made it!” he cried excitedly.

“Have I ever let you down?" Replied the Bengcoon. "So what did I miss?”

At that moment, Tantomile let out a loud groan, angrily threw down the gas mask and grabbed Munkustrap’s paw, holding it in a vice like grip while Lucitana fumbled to jam the mask back onto her face. “Alright Tanti," she said. "Breathe through it. Good girl! That's it! You're being ever so brave!”

“Are you getting the urge to push yet Tanti?” asked Jennyanydots, looking up from where she was busying herself at the 'other end'.

Tantomile nodded weakly.

“Right!" Jennyanydots instructed. "On the next contraction, I want you to push. Ok? Feeling one coming? Ready? PUSH!”

Munkustrap and Coricopat felt their paws being steadily crushed as Tantomile screwed up her face and strained, moaning and crying as she felt a great force rudely shove her pelvic bones aside. Then she lay back, panting with exhaustion. “The first head is crowned!” said Jennyanydots. “One more push and the kitten will be out! Wait for it. Try panting, Tanti. That's it. Now one more big push...”

Tantomile moaned again, pushing with all her might until at last a slimy, soggy mass fell into the towel that Jennyanydots was holding out to catch it. She immediately handed the kitten to Lucitana who cut the umbilical cord and gently rubbed away the mucous membrane which surrounded it, wiping its nose and mouth so that it could breathe. No sooner had she done this, then it let out its first, “Mew!”

“Congratulations,” said Lucitana. “You have a healthy little boy! Now I'm just going to weigh him...”

Meanwhile, Jennyanydots was dealing with the placenta, carefully pulling it out and then placing it on a tray which Norstara removed. “Right then, here comes kitten number two!” she announced.

On the next contraction, Tantomile screamed with agony and writhed. “Hold her still!” Jennyanydots told Munkustrap and Coricopat. “Seems like this one has decided to come out bottom first! Her legs are getting caught that's all…I’m just going to have to...ease her out...there we are...”

“That's ALL?” Munkustrap shuddered.

After a few more claw biting minutes of crying and squirming, Jennyanydots finally righted the kitten.

“Alright Tantomile, the tails out," she told her. "I know you're tired my sweet. But I want you to gather all your strength and give me one last big push. Can you do that?”

“Nooohoooo!” Tantomile moaned. “I don't want to do this anymore!”

So Munkustrap knelt beside her and whispered into her ear, “Come on Tanti. You can do this!”

“No I caaan't!” she sobbed.

He gently stroked her head. “Yes you can," he said firmly. "On three, with me. One, two, three, PUSH TANTI! PUSH!”

“Grrrrrrryaaaaaaaaaaaa ahhhhhhh ahhhhhhh ahhhhhahaaaaa!”

“Sush Tanti!” Coricopat complained through gritted teeth. “You'll wake the dead if you're not careful!”

“And the little beastie is out!” cried Jennyanydots. “It's a girl!”

“Ow! That hurt!” groaned Tantomile.

“All over now, Tanti,” Munkustrap said happily, while taking a moment to shake out his aching paw.

“Well done sis!” said Coricopat, wincing as he too shook out his own partly crushed paw.

“Right then, while I sort Tanti out, who wants first hold?” asked the unsinkable Jennyanydots.

Coricopat looked over at Munkustrap and nodded. “You should Munk, seeing as they're yours,” he suggested.

“Yes but you'll be looking after them, which makes you more entitled,” Munkustrap reasoned. “Tell you what, you take the girl and I'll take the boy, then we'll do a swap. How does that sound?”

So they were handed a kitten each and both besotted males gazed unashamedly down at their tiny bundles of fluff. “This is what it's all about, isn't Munk?” sighed Cori. “I just can't believe it...I mean me and Tanti wanted kittens for so long...and now here they are...more perfect than I could ever have imagined…”

“This is why I always attend the births whenever I can,” Munkustrap replied. “Nothing beats being the first to hold your own flesh and blood...and you're right. They're not bad looking are they? Bast, I've seen some gremlins in my time!”

Body shape wise they were the spitting images of Coricopat and Tantomile, appearing to be nothing more than skin and bone. However, this belied how strong and well muscled they really were. Their bat like ears were folded up and their huge eyes were sealed shut, but the thing that struck Munkustrap most about them was their beautifully angular Oriental faces with their long noses, narrow jawlines and pronounced cheekbones. It was something he had always admired in the twins, particularly Tantomile, whose face when in feline form created an almost perfect equilateral triangle. He'd already fallen in love with the little tom nestled in his arms. He was a dark blue silver with a faint marbling of tabby markings just peeking through. He was going to be a good looking tom when he grew up, that was for certain. Sniffing a little, he discreetly wiped a small tear from his eye with the back of his paw. “D-dont think I've ever seen anything more b-beautiful!” blubbed Coricopat as he stroked the little female's silky head.

She was as light as her brother was dark, creamy white with the faint beginnings of apricot coloured marbling which would become more pronounced as she grew. After she was transferred to Munkustrap’s arms, her pink nose twitched and she began nuzzling into his fur while the little male pawed at Coricopat’s chest as though searching for something. Their plaintive mewing tugged at Munkustrap's heartstrings. He felt an instinctive urge to do everything in his power to stop them from making that noise and knew that the only one who could do that was their exhausted mother. “Ready when you are, fellas,” said Jennyanydots. “I think it's time for babies to have their first feed.”

“My kittens!” Tantomile begged.

She had been cleaned up and transferred to a little nest in the birth recovery area. Although she looked tired and drained, she gratefully reached out to take her babies from the loving arms of her brother and mate. Coricopat sniffed and grinned at Munkustrap through his somewhat watery eyes. “Never thought I'd see the day when the mighty Protector cried!” He chuckled.

“I'm not crying!” Munkustrap protested. “Just got something in my eye, that's all…”

All of a sudden Tantomile burst into uncontrollable fits of nitrous oxide fuelled giggles which tumbled out of her like a landslide at the sight of the two strapping males being so sentimental. “Look at the state of you two!” she laughed when she was able to find her voice. “You look worse than I do!”

“Nonsense!” Munkustrap retorted. “You look radiant as always, my dear!”

The toms lay themselves protectively on either side of her and watched with morbid fascination as she held the kittens against her body and as they began to feed, their first little purrs could just be heard over the rumble of the adults’. Her eyelids fluttered and she smiled with sleepy contentment. Then she grimaced and shifted uncomfortably, eventually crying out from the tearing, needle like pain in her pelvis, as did her twin. “What's happening?” She gasped.

The cramps were so intense that they took her breath away and she didn't know what to do with herself to get away from them. Why had no one warned her about this?!

“It's alright dear, nothing to worry about,” Jennyanydots said gently. “It's just your womb contracting back to its normal size. Will happen the first few times you feed them. Sometimes I think this bit is worse than the giving birth itself! Here take this, it'll help.”

She handed her a small white pill and a glass of water which Munkustrap helped her to drink and after a while, he was finally relieved to see her pain subside and she was at last content again. “Jenny's right, this pain will pass,” he told her, looking over at a trembling Coricopat. “You look like you feel it too.”

“Acutely,” Coricopat winced. “But we must embrace it, not fight it. The pain is not there to harm, but to help. Pain is our friend.”

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that,” Munkustrap replied, wholey unconvinced.

“If we accept only good sensations, then we create attachment to pleasure. So we must also accept discomfort in equal measure, so that we may practice non attachment,” Tantomile finished. “Maybe if I say it enough, then perhaps I shall start to believe it.”

At that moment, Jennyanydots purposefully bustled over to them. “Here we are, eat this dear,” she said. “It'll help get your milk going.”

She handed the Oriental calico tabby a small bottle of probiotic yoghurt. “And there's one for you dear. This stuff is also good for counteracting the effects of the antibiotics.”

She handed one to Munkustrap, who happily drank his. Tantomile on the other paw, took one sniff and made a face. “Oh no! I cannot abide yoghurt!” she cried, when Jennyanydots was out of earshot.

“Don't look at me!” huffed Coricopat when she tried offering it to him. “You know I hate dairy products as much as you do!”

“Don't worry, I'll drink yours!” Munkustrap whispered. “So have you given any thought to names at all?”

“Oh yes,” Tantomile replied excitedly, looking at Coricopat. “They chose their names when they were still in my tummy. This one is called Cosmica.”

She pointed to the little cream female. “And this handsome chap shall be called Lorian. Do you approve?”

“I do,” Munkustrap agreed that they were fine, fitting names.

“They are a dream come true, aren't they Tanti?” sighed Coricopat. “Words cannot express my sincere gratitude, Protector. My sister and I will be forever thankful to you for helping us out and delivering this gift to us.”

“Now less of the ‘Protector!’ Just a friend helping a friend. Trust me, the pleasure was all mine,” Munkustrap replied, smiling down at Tantomile. “And if you ever want more, please just ask! It will be no trouble.”

“You'll be the first to know, friend!” smiled Coricopat.

“Though probably no time soon!” Tantomile finished for him.

“I'll just fetch your placenta soup, now,” Jennyanydots informed Tantomile from the other side of the ward. “It should be ready now.”

Munkustrap and Coricopat exchanged glances. “Mmmm, yummy!” they both said sarcastically.

“Oh!” groaned Tantomile as Jennyanydots walked over and handed her a bowl of steaming hot broth with something brownish floating in it!

Munkustrap took one look at it and grimaced, “Hmm, appetizing! It makes one glad to be male, doesn't it really!”

“Come on sis, drink up!” Coricopat insisted.

“Oh!” Tantomile groaned again and, with Coricopat’s help took a sip, gulped and tried to smile.

“Not bad! Want some?” she offered, hopefully.

“Eeeeer...noooo. No I'm good thanks…” Coricopat politely declined.

“Tell you what might taste good with that. Hey Jenny!” called Munkustrap. “Could we maybe have…?”

“If you're asking what I think you're asking for, Munkustrap, then the answer is no!” came the rather sharp reply.

“Oh! But why?”

“Because you scoffed them!”

“D’Oh! How did she know it was me?” he groaned.

* * *

 

 They were suddenly joined by new parents Victoria and her mate Plato. "We just thought we'd come over and congratulate you," Plato explained.

Tantomile nodded sleepily. "Thanks guys. Our congratulations are echoed back to you on your new addition," Coricopat replied for her.

Plato smiled at Victoria, who smiled back and nodded, then went back to doting on something she that was cradling in her arms. That something stirred and Munkustrap was immediately on his feet. "May I?" He asked her, holding out his paws.

"Of course. That's the other reason why we came over. Grandad!" laughed Plato.

Munkustrap flashed him a brief look of disapproval before shrugging off the dig. "I'm still getting used to being called that," he admitted as Victoria passed him her own newborn kitten.

Bearing a striking resemblance to a powder puff, Serran was small enough to sit in the palm of his paw. As light and delicate as any feather, she stayed fast asleep as he brought her to his chest and gently rocked her to and fro. "She's beautiful, darling," he said, speaking very clearly to Victoria. "You should be very proud."

Victoria beamed and clapped her paws together. She didn't think she had ever been happier and in that moment, neither did Munkustrap.


	12. The Hunt Is On

"I think you might be well enough to be discharged," Jennyanydots informed Munkustrap a few days after discharging Tantomile and her kittens, and having given him a final once over. "Your wounds are healing nicely and your temperature is now back at normal. However I would suggest convalescing at your human's place for a week or so, is that clear?"

"Yes Jenny," he agreed reluctantly.

She smiled and pinched his cheek like she used to do when he was young. "Good tom. Now be off with you!"

From behind a curtain, a pair of deep copper eyes spied on him. "Just turn around and see me!" They pleaded.

His head turned slightly. It was almost like he knew he was being watched. "On second thoughts don't!" Her heart yelped.

She sighed with relief when he turned back. But the relief turned to chagrin when he walked out of the entrance and away from her. "There goes me bleedin chance!" She hissed at herself and slammed her head back into the wall, before sliding down onto her backside. Feeling both desperate and despondent, her eyes stared blankly at the ceiling as she mouthed the words to a song that she had been singing to herself since the beginning of Summer. She started quietly, but then began to build up until she was singing at the top of her lungs. Some of the patients joined in and soon she had the entire ward up and jiving, until party pooper Jennyanydots came to quieten things down and briskly sent Rumpleteazer packing with a flea in her ear.

 _"Cats are cryin', gates are slammin'  
The wind is howlin' 'round the house tonight  
I'm as lonely as a boat out on the sea  
When the night is black and the tide is high  
Oh, on nights like these, feel like fallin' to my knees  
Feel like callin' heaven please  
  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love  
  
Well I turn the dial on my radio trying to find an all night station  
I want to hear a song I know, song about my situation  
Oh oh, on nights like these, feel like fallin' to my knees  
Feel like callin' heaven please  
  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love  
  
Somewhere out there there must be a boy for this girl  
Could be anywhere, could be next door or the other side of the world  
Call up my radio, give them my number  
Tell them to put it out on the air  
There must be someone  
There must be someone like me  
Sittin' lonely as a boat out there  
Oh oh, on nights like these, feel like fallin' to my knees  
Feel like calling heaven please  
  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Oh, find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Oh, find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Do I have to find my love?  
Find my love  
Find my love  
Find my love_ _."_

(Find My Love by Fairground Attraction)

* * *

 

 Making his way towards his human's house, Munkustrap had to concede that Jennyanydots was of course, right as usual. He was morbidly out of shape. What was usually just a short hop turned out to be a journey of epic proportions and when he finally managed to crawl through his cat flap, he was panting heavily. He had a quick sip of water from his bowl (not even stopping to play with it like he usually did) before making his way upstairs, only to find his human, Isobel, still in bed? In the morning? What was going on? Was she sick too? He let out a high pitched, "Reeow!" to get her attention and she stirred a little.

"Zi? That you?" She asked weakly. "Where've you bin buddy?"

He answered with a small chirp, leapt onto the bed and uttered another concerned "Reeow!"

"I'm alright, just a bit of morning sickness that's all," she reassured him, giving his ears a scratch.

"Oh no!" He thought, "My human is pregnant!?"

Kittens were one thing but human babies were quite another! All fur grabbing and tail pulling! And you weren't allowed to scratch them either! Oh well. He'd just have to get used to the idea. He snuggled into her and she cuddled him close, rubbing his tummy as he purred and rolled onto his back. "I love you too, Zilar," she said.

* * *

 

 A week passed, and both cat and human began to feel better. Isobel hopped into her usual morning shower and rolled her eyes when she heard the usual excited yowl, followed by the opening of the bathroom door. "Brrr! Zi! I'm going to have to teach you how to shut doors as well as open them!" she complained, but smiled at the sound of Zilar's excited meows.

She looked down and laughed, "Oh Zi! What are you doing, you daft cat? You wanted a shower too, did you?"

"Reeow!" Zilar replied, clearly fascinated by this artificial warm rain.

So much so that he had jumped in the shower with her and was happily swatting at the water like an overgrown kitten, getting thoroughly soaked in the process. He didn't seem to mind though. In fact, he seemed to thoroughly enjoy getting wet. "That cat never ceases to amaze me!" She thought.

What he didn't like so much was having to get dry. In fact he told her so in no uncertain terms by letting out a disgruntled, "mrrrow!" when she started to rub his fur with a towl. However he soon cheered up when the fur drying morphed into a quick game of peek-a-boo. "I can see that you and the baba are going to get along just fine!" She said to him.

* * *

 

 Once she'd dried and got herself dressed, she heard a familiar, very loud, low pitched and very demanding "Meeooowooow!" coming from downstairs.

"Coming Zilar!" she called, still towel drying her long black hair.

She followed the relentless meowing down the stairs to the kitchen, only to find that her cat had jumped onto the worktop and was busy routing around in the cupboard for something. "Reeow?" He said to her hopefully and Isobel knew him well enough to know what his tone meant.

She sighed guiltily and removed a can from the cupboard, opened it and emptied the contents into a bowl with Zilar's begging becoming louder and more plaintive the longer she took. He even reared up on his hind legs to try to get a better look. Finally, to much fussing and him almost tripping her up, she placed the bowl down on the ground and awaited the verdict. He took one sniff at the offerings, backed away and looked at her accusingly. "Reeow?" ("Excuse me? What is this?")

"Sorry mate, we're out of tuna!" Isobel explained. "Don't you want to try Paw's Chicken in jelly for a change?"

"Meeeoowow!" Zilar replied. ("If that's chicken, then I'm a one legged goldfish!")

"Look, I've got to go to work now, ok?" Isobel said impatiently. "I'll pick you up some tuna later. In the meantime, that's all there is. That was the expensive one as well!"

Zilar sighed and grumbled all the way to the catflap. "No tuna? Humph! I guess I'll just have to catch my own dinner then! Anything's better than that tripe you have the nerve to call chicken! Chicken? Pah!"

* * *

 

 Munkustrap jumped moodily over a garden fence, stalked along a wall, climbed up into a tree and scanned the area. He was in a large garden with a patio, a well manicured lawn upon which stood a trampoline and a garden shed at one end. Aha, but what was this? Movement! A young magie digging for invertebrates in amongst the begonias? It was too good an opportunity to miss! But how to get it? He was about to begin a quiet descent down the hidden side of the tree trunk, listening out for the telltale alarm calls which would tell him that he'd been spotted, when what do you know? "Tic, tic, tic!"

Looking up, Munkustrap spotted the smug creature flitting from branch to branch and pretty soon it seemed like the entire neighbourhood was in uproar as with a loud rattling cry, the magpie darted into the bushes on rounded wings and disappeared. Meanwhile the robin continued to dance about in the branches just out of reach, appearing to mock him while at the same time calling out to anyone who would listen that the cat had been well and truly rumbled. "Oh get lost you flying lizard!" Munkustrap cursed the irritating bird.

He wasn't going to catch anything here, that was for sure. He would have to look elsewhere.

* * *

 

 The warm Summer sun was on its way towards the western horizon when Munkustrap made his way along a privet hedge at an easy lope, his long legs and long, low back giving him a natural stalking gait. It was as though he was always in action ready mode. Then the sound of twittering made him stop and prick up his ears. Licking his lips, he silently eased himself through the tangled web of branches without making so much as a rustle. In order to avoid detection he employed stealth tactics that a ninja would have been envious of, taking the utmost care as to where he placed all four feet, even having to place and re-place a foot when it failed to find a noise free spot. The going was slow, not to mention painstaking, but eventually he peered through the foliage and spied an elderly lady sitting about twenty feet away from him on the lawn in a sun lounger, sipping on gin & tonic and watching her bird table with intrigue. This wooden structure, in the shape of a fairy house, was much closer to him. And it was brimming with food! Well actually, cute little flitting chattering birds of all shapes and sizes to you and me! Red breasted robins feasted upon the meal worms, while fluorescent starlings and characteristic house sparrows argued over the breadcrumbs. On the nut feeders pretty goldfinches took turns with acrobatic blue tits, bully boy great tits, polite chaffinches, bad tempered greenfinches and the odd nuthatch or two to snatch a beakful of peanuts or seeds. But even the majestic blackbird and shy song thrush had to make way for the gang of noisy green parakeets as they piled in to get their share; until eventually they too were pushed aside by a hungry grey squirrel. Munkustrap wasn't really interested in the songbirds. He saw them as little more than kitten toys, all bone and feather and not much else, hardly worth the effort in fact. He did consider going for a parakeet. After all, they weren't even supposed to be here, having been brought to England's shores from a faraway land and released by some careless humans. Then again he wasn't exactly one to complain about thoughtless humans, seeing as his ancestors had originally come from Asia! He quickly dismissed the idea of catching a parakeet. They were far too skittish. Plus they'd mob him relentlessly, alerting everything in the vicinity that a cat was on the prowl. The squirrel was a contender, but then again they tended to be a bit bitey not to mention as tough as old boot leather! So what to go for? Aha! Something suddenly caught his attention. Trundling around the lawn like it owned it and having to be content with pecking at titbits after attempting to heft its bulk onto the bird table and merely succeeding in knocking most of the food off of it, was a favourite prey. An enormous wood pigeon. Every single one of Munkustrap's senses sharpened and he felt his heart begin to beat faster. It was game on! This was what life was about, doing what he was born to do. He could almost thank his owner for forgetting the tuna. Who needed tuna when you had thrills like this? Nothing beat the excitement of a hunt, not even a good fight (not least because there was a potentially tasty reward at the end, as opposed to a nasty injury.) He crouched low on his haunches, keeping as still as the shadows with his whole body like a tightly coiled spring. His eyes meanwhile were fixed on his quarry, waiting patiently for the opportune moment to strike, which would be when the pigeon waddled to within a few feet of his hiding place. His claws itched excitedly, but he had to exercise caution. Wood pigeons were easily spooked. One wrong move and this one would take off with a clatter of wings in an instant, taking everything else with it. So he waited. And waited. Just a bit closer! The bird lifted its head, blinked its beady red eye and spotted a tasty morsel close to the hedge. But it was weary. Things liked to hide in hedges. But that morsel looked too good to miss. It ambled towards it and Munkustrap’s heart rate soured. He could feel his blood pumping in his veins. His eyes locked on target and his eyes dilated a split second before he burst out of the hedge. The parakeets screamed and the blackbirds trilled their alarm call. The birds exploded in a confusion of wings and, as Munkustrap had predicted, with his feathery grey bulk belying his speed and strength, the pigeon flew straight up. Which was why Munkustrap did too. Cat and bird collided in midair and fell back down to Earth, rolling over and over with Munkustrap gripping the pigeon with all four feet as it struggled, trying to find it's spinal cord. Suddenly he bit down on the back of its neck, and with a sharp 'snick!' it was all over for the pigeon. Then half a second later he was up and running from a manic old lady who was screaming obscenities while hurling empty glass missiles in his direction. "Let Percy go, you bloody murderer!" She shrieked.

She quickly followed this with, "Leave those poor birds alone you evil cat! If I ever catch you in my garden again, I'll skin you alive!"

"Bloody over sentimental humans!" Munkustrap cursed. "They are the worst! Don't they know I have to eat? It's alright for _them_. They can eat vegetables! _I can't_!"

He hurried on to Regent's Park, carrying his prize between his teeth and keen to repeat his success. However he was feeling hot and began to pant heavily. "I’m seriously considering getting a fur cut at Bombi's," he thought to himself. "Maybe I’ll head there later."

The Sun's energy may have been beginning to weaken but the temperature was still uncomfortably warm, so he felt grateful for the light breeze that stirred the long dry grass along the pavement verge. The light hum it made through the trees would give him more cover too. In fact the only creatures that didn't seem to mind the hot weather were the chirruping grasshoppers. However although the weather seemed fair and stable, Munkustrap's inner barometer warned him of change. Like all cats, he could feel the drop in air pressure which informed him that unsettled weather was on the way. Mind you, anything was better than this insane heat!

* * *

 

 By the time he made it to The Wellington Arms carrying a rather full shopping bag slung over his shoulder, the rasping song of the grasshopper had been replaced by the loud 'peep' of the bush cricket. The wind had also picked up. "Alright Lad?" greeted Asparagus. "Nice fur cut! Just been to Bombi's have you?"

"It had to come off," Munkustrap replied, indicating his fur which had been neatly clipped short, leaving the fur on his chest and shoulders slightly longer. It was almost a mane, but not quite!

"I feel so much cooler now!" He added. "I see you've been recently too, Gus!"

Asparagus held up his arm. "Oh yeah," he said. "Everyone's getting it done at the moment what with this heat! Never known it to be so hot, up in the forties it was earlier!"

They continued to compare fur styles and complain about the weather until Asparagus noticed the bag that Munkustrap was carrying and asked, "So, what you got for us then?"

Munkustrap opened up the bag and began to place the carefully skinned, prepared and cling film wrapped offerings onto a table. "Can I interest you in a couple of mallards?" he offered. "Or a couple of rock doves? There's also four rats and that one there is black headed gull? Or a squirrel and a few dozen mice perhaps? All freshly caught."

"You've done well there, Munkustrap!" Chuckled Asparagus. "Tell you what, I'll take the lot for forty guineas."

"Forty guineas?" Munkustrap exclaimed. "I haven't been hunting all afternoon in forty degree heat just to get forty guineas! I was hoping for at least eighty so that I might stand a chance of paying off my rent arrears. Trust me, you will not get organic for this price down at the Wholesaler! But, if that's your final offer, then I'd be happy to take this lot down to The Bell Bistro instead where I'll be sure to get at least ninety. _They_ know quality when they see it!" And he began packing things away.

Asparagus eyed the meat and wavered, "Alright let's not be too hasty! I got me overheads to think about too you know! I'll tell you what, I'll offer you a hundred if you include a half hour set to entertain the punters?"

"Deal."

They took paws, smiled and exchanged packages. Then Munkustrap ordered himself a large glass of iced water, sat down at the piano and began to play a song that had been stuck in his head all day,

 _"Pain in my heart_  
_She's treating me cold_  
_Where can my baby be_  
_Lord no one knows_

 _Pain in my heart just won't let me sleep_  
_Where can my baby be_  
_Lord where can she be_

 _Another day, as again it's rough_  
_I want you to come back, come back, come back, baby, I've had enough_  
_A little pain in my heart just won't let me be_  
_Wake up at restless nights_  
_Lord and I can't even sleep_

_Stop this little pain in my heart_

_Another day as again it's rough_  
_I want you to love me, love me, love me, baby, 'till I get enough_  
_Pain in my heart, a little pain in my heart_  
_Stop this little pain in my heart_  
_Stop this little pain in my heart_  
_Someone stop this pain_  
_Someone stop this pain."_

(Pain In My Heart by Otis Redding)

* * *

 

 He headed towards his den just as the rain began to hit the dusty ground, coupled with the rumble of thunder and flashes of lightning that lit up the pitch coloured sky like a strobe light show. The night was moonless, exactly how Munkustrap liked it. All the better to not be seen. But it was never completely dark in the city, for the shadows were permeated by the constant dull glow of streetlamps and car headlights which made staying invisible more difficult. However he ran the usual gauntlet of roads, gardens patrolled by cat hating pollicles, the odd stray looking for a fight and gangs of human youths hanging around outside pubs, without incident. Finally he arrived home and shut the door on the howling gale outside, shaking the water from his fur and going straight to the hidden cubby hole in the wall to deposit his earnings. He was rather pleased with tonight's haul: one hundred and twenty guineas for a few hours hard graft was nothing to be dissatisfied with and he had managed to sell everything! Well _almost_ everything. He chuckled under his breath as he opened up his nearly empty shopping bag and took out the last wrapped package before placing it onto the plywood table. Then his stomach growled angrily as he unwrapped two large wood pigeon breasts; forming a plaintive chorus with a heart that was doing its very best to remind him of how big and empty his den seemed and like a hungry kitten, the more he tried to ignore it the more persistent it became. He tried to keep himself with stove and frying pan, but Jazzie was never far from his thoughts. Where was she? What was she doing? Was she missing him? Would he be able to get near her without making her sick? He sighed. He had gotten so used to her company, that it felt odd not having her soft French accent whispering in his ear. He needed to find her soon. His arms were aching and he knew it wasn't just because they were tired. But alas, that was what queens did. They were quick to make you fall in love with them and just as quick to push you away when they had taken what they wanted, so that for a lot of toms the quest for love was a lonely and neverending one. "I could protest, but where would it get me?" He thought with a shrug, allowing himself to be distracted by the hot oil as it sizzled and hissed when he placed the prized pigeon breasts into it, pressing them down with his fingers before turning them over and trying not to salivate.

They would be lightly charred on the outside whilst still retaining a little pink in the middle. Perfect! Just how he liked them and at least he wouldn't have to share! Besides, his queens always insisted on having their meat well done. "Burnt more like!" He thought as he sliced up the meat and carried it to the table, still in the frying pan.

He rubbed his paws together with anticipation and armed himself with a fork. This was going to be so worth the wait… 'Tap tap tap!' With a piece meat halfway to his mouth he paused and listened. "Who the Hell could be at my door at this hour?" He thought grumpily. Maybe they'd go away?

After a second or two the meat continued on its journey, but unfortunately never found its destination. He was about to take a bite when he was rudely interrupted yet again by more persistent tapping. "Grrrrr!"

In frustration he angrily dropped the fork along with the meat back into the pan with a clatter and stalked over to the door, muttering, "This had better be good!"

Then he threw it open and glared down at the visitor. "Oh," he growled. "It's you."


	13. The Tide Is High

Rumpleteazer was sitting in the corner of the Wellington Arms tying herself in knots, all because she hadn't been prepared for the Silver Bengcoon to come striding in through the door the way he did. She had been caught mid-conversation, her words having deserted her, but she neither remembered nor cared about what she was talking about or even who she was talking to. All she knew was that she was suddenly in the presence of a silver God, for there was something about him that made her feel instantly cold and on edge but also jubilant at being in the same room as him; that she and he were only meters apart! The first thing she noticed about him was how gloriously rugged he looked. With the dirt on his face and paws, the twigs and grass seeds in his newly clipped fur, he looked like a tom who had been working hard. He glanced briefly in her direction and she smiled nervously, hoping she looked composed (even though she felt quite the contrary) and that he wouldn't notice her own dusty, uncombed fur (It was ok for toms to look a bit shabby now and again, but never queens and especially not a princess hoping to attract a prince!) But he didn't smile back.

_“You just came in the door_

_Like no one I ever saw before_ _  
_ _I feel..._ _  
_ _I feel..._ _  
_ _  
_ _I don't know where you came from_ _  
_ _I wish I did_ _  
_ _I feel so dumb_ _  
_ _I feel..._ _  
_ _  
_ _Your swagger and your bearing_ _  
_ _And the just right collar you're wearing_ _  
_ _Your silver fur and your black stripes_ _  
_ _And your charcoal paws_ _  
_ _  
_ _And your eyes, oh_ _  
_ _Your big cyan eyes_ _  
_ _  
_ _I thought it was supposed to be wrong_ _  
_ _But you seem okay with being strong_ _  
_ _I want...to..._ _  
_ _You're so…_

  _It's probably conceited to say_

 _But I think we're alike in a certain way_ _  
_ _I...um..._ _  
_ _  
_ _Your swagger and your bearing_ _  
_ _And the just right collar you're wearing_ _  
_ _Your silver fur and your black stripes_ _  
_ _And your charcoal paws_ _  
_ _  
_ _And your eyes, oh_ _  
_ _Your big cyan eyes_ _  
_ _  
_ _Do you feel my heart saying "hi"?_ _  
_ _In this whole public house,_ _  
_ _Why am I the only one who sees you're beautiful?_ _  
_ _  
_ _No, I mean..._ _  
_ _  
_ _Handsome!_ _  
_ _  
_ _Your swagger and your bearing_ _  
_ _And the just right collar you're wearing_ _  
_ _Your silver fur and your marbling_ _  
_ _And your charcoal paws_ _  
_ _  
_ _And your eyes, oh_ _  
_ _Your big brave eyes_

 _I know you_ _  
_ _I know you_ _  
_ _I know you…”_

(Based on Ring of Keys from Fun Home the Musical)

She observed him silently from the shadows, the fur standing up on the back of her neck when he sat at the piano and began to sing. "I'd stop the pain in yer heart!" She thought coyly. "If you'd only let me of course!"

After he'd finished singing he began to socialise with a small bunch of toms. She listened as they made jokes and derogatory comments directed mainly towards one another, but the odd unflattering remark about certain queens also slipped in from time to time. Eventually they fired themselves up for a quick game of darts and she marvelled at his skill as he hit the bullseye every time, consequently wiping the floor with his disgruntled competitors. But of course, they didn't dare to confront him about it. Because although it all seemed light hearted enough, Rumpleteazer knew that there was a serious side to their so called 'friendly' banter and posturing. In fact it would have been obvious to those familiar with such gatherings that the toms were deliberately sizing one another up and that Munkustrap had quietly stamped his authority all over them, so that no one in the room was in any doubt as to who the top cat was. Rumpleteazer was all too aware of how quickly things could turn nasty should a cat ever be foolish enough to challenge the status quo. However no-one seemed to have any malicious intentions tonight for Munkustrap was clearly in the company of old friends and, having won his sixth round of darts, he casually bid everyone farewell and slipped out into the night as silently as he had arrived. Rumpleteazer panicked. What to do? She dithered for a few seconds, then grabbed the large package she had been storing under the table and ran after him. But he had already disappeared, vanished like an apparition into the night. “How the bleedin heck does he _do_ that?” She wandered.

Well? What now? Her legs had already made up their mind for her, so she shouldered the oddly shaped parcel and began to tread an already well worn path towards Thames Scrapyard; just as the heavens opened.

* * *

 

She stopped outside his door and lifted a paw to knock on it, but suddenly hesitated, her nerves jangling uncontrollably. “I can't do this!" She thought to herself as she took a few deep breaths to try to calm them. “I must be bleedin crackers- Oh! Just knock on the door you daft cow!”

With that, she pursed her lips and rapped sharply once, twice, three times. But there was no answer. He was definitely in though, because she could smell something. And it smelt delicious! She could practically feel her mouth watering. "Maybe I’ll just try once more," she thought.

After the second round of knocking she heard an audible growl and then the door was flung open. There he was in all his barely concealed aggressive glory. And as predicted he did not look pleased to see her. “Yes?” he snapped, glaring down at her.

“I-I come to apologise, you know er...for touching your stuff, like,” she stammered, trying not to tremble. Her feet were begging her to run, but she stubbornly held them fast.

“You're forgiven," he replied. "Goodbye.”

He was about to slam the door in her face-

“I got you somming!” She said desperately.

With a shaking paw she held out the crude parcel, with its newspaper wrapping having gone soggy and was beginning to disintegrate as she hurriedly explained, “I knows you lost your guitar so I thought you'd like a new one. It's not knicked or nothing! I found it. I did!”

Munkustrap was completely taken aback. Not knowing what else to do he slowly took the package from her and pulled off the remaining newspaper to reveal...a ukulele? “Oh!" he said, sounding surprised. "Thank you...”

He was momentarily lost for words. Then he looked from the pouring rain to the drenched cat who he'd been about to slam the door on and felt a sudden pang of guilt. “Um, would you like to-?” he started to ask.

“Mighty kind of ya!”

She didn't even wait for him to open the door fully. She simply barged passed him.

He rolled his eyes. “Come on in, why don't you?” he muttered and closed the door.

Meanwhile she was busy making herself right at home, immediately drawing up a chair and sitting down at the table whilst hungrily licking her lips at the sight of the frying pan full of food. She was about to help herself when Munkustrap growled and swiftly snatched the frying pan away from her thieving and not to mention soaking wet paws. Then in response to her wide eyed mortified expression he sighed and rolled his eyes again. “Did you want some?” he offered reluctantly.

She grinned up at him hopefully and nodded. “Fine!” He sighed and dropped the pan in the middle of the table, whereupon she immediately began to shovel pieces of meat into her mouth like there was no tomorrow, chewing happily.

“Mmmm! This is sooo good," she commented. "You cook this?”

“No, it pretty much cooked and caught itself,” he said dryly, finally managing to snatch some for himself before she could scoff the lot.

"So, you like your meat rare I take it?" He said.

"Oh yeah! 'At's the only way to ea' it!" She replied through a mouthful of food.

He raised his eyebrows. Now that _was_ surprising. Just went to show there were exceptions to every rule. But then again this _was_ Rumpleteazer...

They ate in silence for a bit and Munkustrap's mood began to lighten somewhat, owing to the fact that his stomach was no longer eating itself. “So, where's your shadow?” he asked finally.

“Who? You mean Jerry?” she shrugged. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh I don't know. Maybe because I've never seen you two not together?”

“We ain't joined at the hip ya know!” she retorted. “He's off doing his thing and I'm off doin mine.”

“Fare enough. No cares given.” It was his turn to shrug.

Before long they were both reaching for the last piece of pigeon, but he waved to her. “Have it,” he said without much conviction.

“Ta!”

She stuffed it into her mouth and licked her paws. “Such a gentleman!”

“I fear it will be my downfall,” he grumbled as he picked up the ukulele and examined it.

It was a good one. He quietly plucked the strings as he began to tune it, listening out for the correct pitch and twisting the knobs until it sounded just right, with the dull notes setting his teeth on edge. “So, is there anything I can do for you, Teazer?” he enquired.

“I needed to talk to you about somming,” she said.

“I gathered that," he said. "Well, I'll tell you what, why don't I get us some tea and then we can sit down and have that chat ok? Hold on.”

He put the ukulele down, quickly made the tea and handed her a mug before settling back down with his so that they were facing each other on either side of the table. “So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” he asked.

She moistened her dry lips and took a sip of tea. Then she cleared her throat. This was it. Now or never. It felt like falling into a vipers’ pit. “I- well- as you may have noticed, um, I've been acting a bit odd lately-”

“Can't say I have…” he said, with a degree of sarcasm in his voice. “What do you mean by ‘odd’ anyway?”

“Sort of...I dunno. Sad, I suppose. Yeah! Sad.”

He looked at her. Come to think of it, she was missing her usual cheeky grin. “And why do you think that might be?” he pressed.

“Well, Jazzie says it's cos my body is ready to have kittens,” she said, looking thoughtful.

“But do you actually want kittens?”

“More than the crown jewels!” She said with a sigh.

That got another raised eyebrow. Wow! She wanted them quite badly! _Rumpleteazer_ wanting to be a _mother_? Either she was starting to see sense or she had finally cracked. It was hard to tell which. “Well what's stopping you?" He scoffed, waving a paw in her direction. "You're a...good looking girl, surely you could have any tom you wanted?”

Her eyes widened. “Really? Oh. Thanks Munk! No one's ever said that before!”

He looked at her incredulously. “Seriously?"

Then he sat back, crossing his arms as he did so and smiled. "Now come on," he coaxed. "Which tom did you have in mind? Maybe I could put in a good word for you?”

He wasn't prepared for her answer, which she hurriedly voiced just as he uncrossed his arms to take a sip of tea, causing him to inhale it instead. "Well, you see...um...the tom I sort of had in mind was kind of like...you."

The ensuing coughing fit that followed forced him to stand up and turn his back on her for a moment. _"This needs to stop happening!" He thought._

Once he had brought it under control, he slowly turned back to face her. There was a long pause and then he said very tentatively, "Ok. Sooo...I have a question for you. And please don't be offended-"

"Alright I won't be!" She smirked.

"Are you insane?" He asked her in all seriousness.

"What?!" She exclaimed.

Munkustrap quickly back pedalled. "Ok I'll rephrase that. Have you by any chance thought this through, at all?”

“I don't think about much else to be honest with ya," she admitted.

She looked up him. "But I know I made the right decision.”

“I'm not sure that you have,” he said, frowning and shaking his head.

Out of nervous habit he then began to chew his knuckles and slowly paced up and down.

 _"He's saying no!"_ She thought, her heart sinking _. "Well it ain't exactly the yes you were hoping for, is it!"_

“Why not?” she demanded, her brows knitting together in confusion.

He stopped pacing and faced her. “Well let's start with the blindingly obvious shall we?" He said. "The fact that I am old enough to be your father. It just wouldn't be right. In fact, I have daughters who are the same age as you-!”

“Yeah!" Rumpleteazer cut him off. "And they're all mothers now! Well almost all of em anyway!"

Then she gave him a coy wink. "What's the matter?" She goaded. "Don't think I'd make a good one?”

“I think you'd make Bombalurina look like Florence Nightingale,” he told her honestly.

“What's that supposed to mean?" She shouted. "And who the heck is Florence Nightingale!?”

He shook his head dismissively and held up his paws in a gesture of surrender. “Never mind," he said and went on to explain. "The point I am trying to make is that a life of crime is hardly conducive to raising healthy kittens and I am not about to become a single father again. Plus, I'm in enough trouble as it is without adding you to the mix!”

“Wait, you're scared of what cats will think?” she asked incredulously.

He shrugged. “Scared is not the word that I would have used. However, my position _does_ depend on what cats think of me funnily enough, and I do not wish to incur the wrath of any more-”

“And does what _I_ think not matter?” she interrupted.

"I never said that it didnt-"

"Just cos I have to steal to survive, just to get some food in me belly-" she carried on.

“There's also the another minor issue," it was his turn to interrupt before she could go off on a tangent.

"Oh yeah?" She asked, raising her eyebrows as if to say, "Go on then. Hit me with it!"

"The fact that I am not attracted to you in any way, shape or form,” he finished.

Her eyes grew wide. Then she stared down at the table, feeling like the bottom had just dropped out of her stomach. “You don't pull your punches do ya,” she muttered sadly.

“I like to be straight with people," he stated. "And seeing as you've been straight with me, I feel it's only fair.”

“But-but you just said I was attractive!” She said, her voice threatening to break.

“And so you are," he said with an affectionate smile. But then it faded.

"Just, not to me.”

“What's the matter with me?” She ventured and suddenly scraped the chair away from the table as she stood up and stared at him with tears in her eyes.

“Nothing-” he wavered.

“Aren't I pretty enough for ya?” She cut him off again, placed her paws on her hips and sashayed up to him.

He swallowed. _"I knew this would happen!"_ He thought morosely and tugged on his collar to loosen it, something he did when he felt very uncomfortable, which at that moment, he did.

“I understand you are upset…” he began, instinctively backing away until he found himself pressing up against the sink.

She crossed her arms, stopping just in front of him. “Upset?" She laughed. "Oh yeah, cos that's just fine, ain't it!”

She started to sing at the top of her lungs. She didn’t care who heard. This was it, the only ammunition she had left,

_“Can you hear me calling_

_Out your name_ _  
_ _You know that I'm falling and I don't know what to say_ _  
_ _I'll speak a little louder_ _  
_ _I'll even shout_ _  
_ _You know that I'm proud and I can't get the words out_ _  
_ _Oh I_ _  
_ _I want to be with you everywhere_ _  
_ _Oh I_ _  
_ _I want to be with you everywhere_ _  
_ _(Wanna be with you everywhere)_ _  
_ _Something's happening_ _  
_ _Happening to me_ _  
_ _My friends say I'm acting peculiarly_ _  
_ _C'mon baby_ _  
_ _We better make a start_ _  
_ _You better make it soon before you break my heart_ _  
_ _Oh I_ _  
_ _I want to be with you everywhere_ _  
_ _Oh I_ _  
_ _I want to be with you everywhere_ _  
_ _(Wanna be with you everywhere)_ _  
_ _Can you hear me calling_ _  
_ _Out your name_ _  
_ _You know that I'm falling and I don't know what to say_ _  
_ _Oh come along baby_ _  
_ _We better make a start_ _  
_ _You better make it soon before you break my heart_ _  
_ _Oh I_ _  
_ _I want to be with you everywhere_ _  
_ _Oh I_ _  
_ _I want to be with you everywhere_ _  
_ _Oh I_ _  
_ _I want to be with you everywhere_ _  
_ _Oh I_ _  
_ _I want to be with you everywhere!”_

(Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac)

 He shook his head sadly. “I’m sorry Teazer-” he began but didn't get any further because without warning she reached out and grabbed at his chest fur, yanking it painfully.

“Please Munk! I'm begging ya to change ya mind!” She pleaded.

“Ow! Ow! No...!” He muttered through gritted teeth as he grabbed her arms and pushed her away, but she came back at him.

“Please!” She begged.

“Answer’s still no!” He replied whilst holding her firmly, trying to keep her at arm’s length, but it was a struggle. She was stronger than she looked!

“Why not?” She cried.

“I've already told you why!" He shouted.

She stopped struggling. “I don't care," she blurted out. "I love you!”

“I do not love you!” he hissed at her and pointed to the door. “You have considerably outstayed your welcome. Now will you please leave!”

“Alright I will!” she snapped and stomped over to the door.

But just before she left she turned back to glare at him one last time. However he seemed to be too preoccupied with smoothing down his ruffled fur to notice the defiant tear rolling down her cheek. “This ain't over!” she promised him.

"It isn't going to start!" He countered angrily.

She hissed, stormed out and slammed the door behind her. Once outside, the pouring rain immediately soaked her, but she barely noticed. “No one tells ME what I can and can't have!” she fumed. “Just you wait, Munkustrap! I’ll get what I want!”

It would probably have been easier to steal the crown jewels, but she was Rumpleteazer and she could steal anything. Even a heart, if she wanted it badly enough!

  _“Got brass in pocket,”_ she sang _,_

 _“Got bottle I'm gonna use it_ _  
_ _Intention I feel inventive_ _  
_ _Gonna make you, make you, make you notice_ _  
_ _Got motion restrained emotion_ _  
_ _Been walking London leaning_ _  
_ _No reason just seems so pleasing_ _  
_ _Gonna make you, make you, make you notice_

 _Gonna use my arms_ _  
_ _Gonna use my legs_ _  
_ _Gonna use my style_ _  
_ _Gonna use my sidestep_ _  
_ _Gonna use my fingers_ _  
_ _Gonna use my, my, my imagination_

 _'Cause I gonna make you see_ _  
_ _There's nobody else here_ _  
_ _No one like me_ _  
_ _I'm special, so special_ _  
_ _I gotta have some of your attention give it to me_ _  
_ _Got rhythm I can't miss a beat_ _  
_ _Got new skank it's so reet_ _  
_ _Got something I'm winking at you_ _  
_ _Gonna make you, make you, make you notice_

 _Gonna use my arms_ _  
_ _Gonna use my legs_ _  
_ _Gonna use my style_ _  
_ _Gonna use my sidestep_ _  
_ _Gonna use my fingers_ _  
_ _Gonna use my, my, my imagination_

 _'Cause I gonna make you see_ _  
_ _There's nobody else here_ _  
_ _No one like me_ _  
_ _I'm special, so special_ _  
_ _I gotta have some of your attention_ _  
_ _Give it to me_ _  
_ _'Cause I gonna make you see_ _  
_ _There's nobody else here_ _  
_ _No one like me_ _  
_ _I'm special, so special_ _  
_ _I gotta have some of your attention_ _  
_ _Give it to me!”_

(Brass In Pocket by The Pretenders)

She stopped in front of a puddle and watched the circular ripples the raindrops made as they splashed into it. "But _what_ am I gonna do?" She asked her wobbly reflection.

Then she had an idea. Of course! Why hadn't she thought of it before?  _"There's only one cat what can help me!"_ She thought.

* * *

 

 “So let me get this straight. He's tired. He's hungry. He's grumpy. He's been out hunting all day. And then you turn up out of the blue and go spring that on him? Dammit girl, of course he's going to get a bee in his bonnet! What did you expect?”

“I dunno…” Rumpleteazer sighed listlessly.

She was slumped in a swivel chair in Bombalurina’s Fur n Claws Salon, swinging herself from side to side with her foot. She had come to seek the advice of the only cat who could help her, because if she couldn't then no one could. Bombalurina had a think, absentmindedly rubbing her now obviously gravid belly. It had popped out all of a sudden!

“Well, have you _maybe_ considered going after someone else?” She suggested. “Someone easier maybe?”

“What you mean Old Snake Hips?" Rumpleteazer remarked. "Ta, but no ta! I might be cheap, but I ain't desperate!”

“Charming,” Bombalurina muttered under her breath.

Then she quizzed, “Well, they say the best way to a tom's heart is through his stomach. Can you cook?”

“No,” came the reply.

“Ok," said Bombalurina thoughtfully. "Well don't worry that's not the _only_ way. Trust me or _I_ wouldn't have gotten anywhere either! Let's see. Let me look at you.”

She picked up her comb and scissors and then began to style the young queen’s fur. “Just got to get you looking irresistible, that's all," she murmured. "And I know just the way!”

She picked up some make up. As she worked, she told Rumpleteazer, “I will have a quiet word with our Protector. But first, _you_ must work a little magic of your _own_.”

“How? I ain't gotta seductive bone in me body!” Rumpleteazer argued.

“Don't you worry," Bombalurina assured her. " _I_ am going to change all that. We'll make a seductress out of you yet, or my name is not Bombalurina!”

She winked, “But you must do exactly what I say.”

* * *

 

The following night Munkustrap returned to his den with muscles aching following a hard session of fight training with sensei Rumpus Cat.The night was clear and warm so he thought that it would be a good idea to sit on the corrugated iron roof of his den and enjoy his tea whilst surveying his surroundings. It was a great spot. The iron was still warm from having the sun on it but was no longer scorching and from there he had a complete view of the junkyard and the surrounding territory. "Ah! Nice and quiet!" He thought to himself as he took his first grateful sip of tea in three hours. "Just how I like it! Nothing going on. No interr- WHAT THE-!"

He was about to take another sip of tea when he almost choked on it again. What the Hell was THAT in the tyre clearing? As he stood up to get a better look, the mug suddenly slipped from his grasp, shattering on the ground below. It was a queen. At least it looked _vaguely_ like a queen. And not just any queen either. He could just about make out Rumpleteazer underneath all the black lipstick, eye paint, rouge and the bouffant hairdo. She was also sporting a rather fetching black corset over the top of her fishnet stockings complete with suspenders! And just to add to that she was also burlesque dancing in the shaft of moonlight which fell upon the floor so that she was lit up even more, the effect akin to someone holding a torch light under their chin. In other words, utterly grotesque. She caught his eye with her heavily false lashed ones and batted them. Then she beckoned him with her finger to come closer.

 _“Take these dogs away from me!"_ She sang in her high toy doll voice _._ _  
_ _  
__"Your life's a mystery_ _  
_ _Mine is an open book_ _  
_ _If I could read your mind_ _  
_ _I think I'd take a look_ _  
_ _  
_ _I'm not scared, baby_ _  
_ _I don't care.”_

 He jumped down off the pile of junk and into the clearing. He was horrified. The view was even worse up close, but he couldn't look away. Rumpleteazer may have misinterpreted this because she carried on,  
  
_“What have you got to hide?_ _  
__What do you need to prove?_ _  
__You're always telling lies_ _  
__And that's the only truth_ _  
__  
__I don't care, baby_ _  
__I'm not scared.”_

 She began to sway towards him, swinging her hips. Whoa! Rumpleteazer had hips? Since when? Surely this was some sort of weird dream and he'd wake up in a minute?  
  
_“Tonight, the streets are full of actors_ _  
__I don't know why_ _  
__Oh, take these dogs away from me_ _  
__Before they, they bite_ _  
__  
__What have you got to say_ _  
__Of shadows in your past?_ _  
__I thought that if you paid_ _  
__You'd keep them off our backs_ _  
__  
__Where do we have to be_ _  
__So I can laugh and you'll be free?_ _  
__  
__I'd go anywhere, baby_ _  
__I don't care_ _  
__I'm not scared_ _  
__  
__I'm not scared_ _  
__  
__Tonight, the streets are full of actors_ _  
__I don't know why_ _  
__Oh, débarrasse-moi de ces chiens_ _  
__Avant qu'ils mordent, avant qu'ils mordent!”_

 He had to admit...no! Erase that thought!  
  
_“Tonight, I fought and made my mind up_ _  
__I know it's right_ _  
__I know these dogs still snap around me_ _  
__But I can, I can fight_ _  
__  
__If I was you, if I was you_ _  
__I wouldn't treat me the way you do_ _  
__If I was you, if I was you_ _  
__I wouldn't treat me the way you do, you_ _  
__  
__If I was you, if I was you_ _  
__I wouldn't treat me the way you do_ _  
__If I was you, if I was you_ _  
__I wouldn't treat me the way you do, you_  
  
_I'm not scared, baby_ _  
__I don't care_ _  
__I'd go anywhere, baby_ _  
__I'm not scared.”_

 She was directly in front of him, so close that her Eau de Passion almost suffocated him.  
  
_“J'ai pas peur_ _  
__J'ai pas peur_ _  
__I'm not scared, baby_ _  
__I'm not scared.”_

(I'm Not Scared by Eighth Wonder)

 He stared at her for what seemed like an eternity, incredulously looking her up and down. Then down and up; and finally up and down again just to be sure that he wasn't seeing things. She really was a sight to behold, that was for sure, but not necessarily one that was easy on the eye.

“Well  _you_  might not be scared!” he remarked. “Teazer...what is...this?" He indicated her atire. "You look like something out of a Grimm Brothers’ fairy tail and I'm _not_ talking about the fair maid!”

“You don't...like it?” She pouted.

“Holy Bast no!” He gave an audible sigh, shook his head and grabbed her arm.

“Come with me!" He ordered. "Before someone sees you!”

He dragged her back to his den and sat her down on a box. Then he boiled the kettle and told her, “Take off those ridiculous clothes!”

“Why?” she demanded.

He walked over to her carrying a bowl of warm water, some soap and a cloth. “Because you don't need them!” he replied bluntly.

She tried, but she couldn't even bend down because the corset held her like a body cast. “I _might_ be stuck...” she admitted sheepishly. “I can barely breathe in this thing let alone move-!”

“Turn around,” he commanded.

She obeyed and he deftly untied the laces, working them loose until she let out a sigh of relief as the steel and satin contraption released her constricted ribs. As he worked, she smirked and said accusingly, “Ere, you've done this before, ain'tcha!”

“No comment,” he muttered and in one swift movement, undid the clasps and tossed the thing over his shoulder.

Then he pulled off the stockings and gave them the same treatment whilst grumbling, “Whatever made you think that I would find this even remotely attractive, I'll never know!”

“Bombalurina-” she started.

“I might have guessed!”

Using the wet cloth and soap he gently wiped away the make-up as best he could, then peeled away her false lashes, uttering a gruff, “Sorry...” when he accidentally pulled out a few of her real ones.

Next he wiped away her eye makeup, followed by the rouge and last of all, the black lipstick. “There, that'll have to do. I'm not much good at this,” he murmured apologetically when he'd finished.

Finally he smoothed down her bouffant, then looked her sternly in the eye and said, “Hello Rumpleteazer. It is good to have you back. You know, you really don't need all of that war paint!”

She looked sad. “But I look like me now!” She complained.

“Exactly," he replied somewhat dismissively. "Beautiful you. Who will make some young tom very happy if you just give him a chance."

Then he showed her the door. "Now kindly disappear! I have things to do.”

But she refused to move. “I went to a lot of trouble ya know!” she yelled at him. “I ain't going nowhere!”

She crossed her arms and stuck her chin out. "Humph!"

His expression suddenly darkened. “Oh yes you are!” he growled.

She shook her head defiantly. “Oh no I'm not! Not till you at least consider it!”

“Consider what?” he snapped.

“You know darn well what! Come on. I _know_ you want to!” She gave him another wry smile and batted her eyelids in an obviously flirtatious manner, but it only angered him further.

“You know nothing!” He growled and pointed to the door again. “Don't make me throw you out!”

“Why don't you want me?” She cried all of a sudden.

“I gave you my reasons-!” He replied sharply.

 "I hate you!" She yelled.

"Good! Well I'm obviously doing something right!" He shot back.

She had no idea why she did it. No clue at all. But she suddenly launched herself at him with a desperate hiss and aimed a swipe at his cheek. However it never made the connection because the next thing she knew her arm was behind her back and she was being pressed up against the wall, unable to move an inch. She was shocked more than frightened and this only made her laugh hysterically. “Is this meant to _scare_ me, Oh _Mighty_ Protector?” She mocked.

“Yes!” came a hiss in her ear. 

“Well go on then," she defied him. "Kill me. I dare ya!”

He let her go pretty sharpish, holding a paw to his mouth in response to the sheer stress of the situation. “How could you even think that of me?” he whispered as she slid down the wall and lay in a shaking ball on the floor. It was more than he knew how to handle.

“Fine!" He muttered. "Just don't be here when I get back!”

He walked out and slammed the door, causing her to flinch as the room reverberated from the loud bang. "I ain't giving up!" She sobbed to herself. "I ain't!" 

 _"I'd like to run away from you, but if you never found me I would die_  
_I'd like to break the chains you put around me, but I know I never_  
_Will_  
_You stay away and all I do is wonder why the hell I wait for you_  
_But when did common sense prevail for lovers when we know it never_  
_Will_  
_Impossible to live with you, but I know, I could never live without_  
_You_  
_For whatever you do_  
_I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you_  
_You never treat me like you should, so what's the good of loving as I_  
_Do_  
_Although you always laugh at love, nothing else would be good enough_  
_For you_  
_Impossible to live with you, but I know, I could never live without_  
_You_  
_For whatever you do_  
_I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you_  
_You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me live, you make me die,_  
_For you_  
_You make me sing, you make me sad, you make me glad, you make me mad,_  
_For you_  
_I love you, hate you, love you, hate you_  
_But I'll want you till the world stops turning_  
_For whatever you do_  
_I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you_  
_I love you, hate you, love you, hate you_  
_But I'll want you till the world stops turning_  
_For whatever you do_  
_I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you_  
_I love you, hate you, love you, hate you_  
_But I'll want you till the world stops turning_  
_For whatever you do_  
_I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you_  
_I'd like to run away from you ,but if you never found me I would die_  
_I'd like to break the chains you put around me, but I know I never will_  
_You stay away and all I do is wonder why the hell I wait for you_  
_But when did common sense prevail for lovers when we know it never will_  
_Impossible to live with you, but I know, I could never live without you_  
_For whatever you do_  
_I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you_  
_You never treat me like you should, so what's the good of loving as I do?_  
_Although you always laugh at love, nothing else would be good enough for you_  
_Impossible to live with you, but I know, I could never live without you_  
_For whatever you do_  
_I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you_  
_You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me live, you make me die, for you_  
_You make me sing, you make me sad, you make me glad, you make me mad, for you_  
_I love you, hate you, love you, hate you_  
_But I'll want you till the world stops turning_  
_For whatever you do_  
_I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you_  
_I love you, hate you, love you, hate you_  
_But I'll want you till the world stops turning_  
_For whatever you do_  
_I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you_  
_I love you, hate you, love you, hate you_  
_But I'll want you till the world stops turning_  
_For whatever you do_  
_I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you."_

(Never Never Never by Shirley Bassey)

* * *

 

 Bombalurina was tidying up the salon when she heard the telltale tinkle of the shop bell alerting her to a customer. “Be right there!” she called.

Then she walked to the front of the shop and greeted the visitor with a pleasant smile. “Oh? It's you handsome," she said breezily. "To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Without returning the greeting he glared at her and thrust the garments into her paws. “Corset? Suspenders? Really?” he demanded.

“I don't remember you complaining when _I_ wore them,” she purred.

He shot her a look of disgust. “Bombi please! How can you be encouraging her?”

“She isn't asking for much,” She replied evenly.

He stared at her. “Are you saying that motherhood is _not_ a massively life changing event that she is not even remotely prepared for?” he asked skeptically.

“I'm _saying_ that you have to give her a chance. Or you'll have me to answer to!" Bombalurina replied, her voice turning slightly acrid.

 " _She's in love with you, that's all she wants to do,"_ she told him.

 _"She'll never let you down, she'll never fool around,_ _'Coz she's in love with you_ _  
__  
__So if you see her all alone one night_ _  
__Walk up to her discreetly, ask her why_ _  
__And if she replies with words that don't make sense_ _  
__It may be just because she's shy_ _  
__Don't take advantage of her lack of understanding_ _  
__Just because you think you could_ _  
__Treat her right, treat her good_ _  
__Take her home and make her feel the way she should_ _  
__  
__'Coz she's in love with you, that's all she wants to do_ _  
__She'll never let you down, she'll never fool around,_ _'Coz she's in love with you_ _  
__She's in love with you, that's all she wants to do_ _  
__She'll never let you go, she may not let you know,_ _But she's in love with you_ _  
__  
__So if you happen to be out one night_ _  
__And someone asks you where you're gonna go_   _  
__Just remember she's not like the other girls_ _  
__She may not want them all to know_ _  
__Though she may need a little time_ _  
__She never wants to stand in line the way they would_ _  
__So treat her nice, treat her good, treat her like you know you should_ _  
__You may never find another girl like her_

  _'Coz she's in love with you, that's all she wants to do_

 _She'll never let you down, she'll never fool around,_ _'Coz she's in love with you_ _  
_ _She's in love with you, that's all she wants to do_ _  
_ _She'll never let you go, she may not let you know,_ _But she's in love with you_ _  
_ _  
_ _So take her home and hold her close_ _  
_ _Touch her where she feels it most, but be kind_ _  
_ _And when she's making love to you_ _  
_ _She'll do what you want her to_ _  
_ _Treat her good, treat her like you know you should_ _  
_ _You may never find another girl like her_ _  
_ _  
_ _'Coz she's in love with you, that's all she wants to do_ _  
_ _She'll never let you down, she'll never fool around,_ _'Coz she's in love with you_ _  
_ _She's in love with you, that's all she wants to do_ _  
_ _She'll never let you go, she may not let you know, but she's in love with you_ _  
_ _She's in love with you, that's all she wants to do_ _  
_ _She'll never let you go, she may not let you know, but she's in love with you_ _  
_ _'Coz she's in love with you, that's all she wants to do_ _  
_ _She'll never let you down, she'll never fool around,_ _'Coz she's in love with you!"_

(She's In Love With You by Suzi Quatro)

"And we all know what it is like to hanker after someone, _don't_ we my sweet?" She reminded him.

Munkustrap sighed, feeling thoroughly cross with himself at how easily she was able to break down his walls. “Alright. I'll think about it,” he conceded.

"It's a start," she said with a shrug. "Not quite the landslide victory I was expecting but still. A victory is a victory!"

Then a wry smile played across her lips. "Is there anything I can do to change your mind further," she enquired, slinking over to him until she was quite close. Close enough for their whiskers to touch.

"I hear you're in between queens..." she whispered.

Munkustrap stared longingly at her lips. She was playing her game again, teasing him. And usually he would have gladly fallen for it, but not today. Not when there was so much to be done. She must have sensed his reluctance because she asked sassily, "Is now not a good time?" There was a strange look in her eye, something sly and deliberate. What was she up to?

"Not _really_ ," he replied without any conviction at all. He was struggling to remember _why_ now was not a good time. " _Oh but those lips! Maybe just one kiss..."_ he thought, knowing full well where it would lead.

Unfortunately Iphigenia, Bombalurina's golden Abyssinian assistant, chose that moment to walk in. "Bombi? Where did you want me to put- Oh!"

Munkustrap and Bombalurina quickly pulled away from one another. Iphigenia looked mortified. As did Munkustrap. "Hey Iphy," he said sheepishly, unable to look her in the eye.

"Hi Munkustrap," she replied shyly, then looked apologetically at Bombalurina who was glaring at her.

"Sorry!" She said. "I didn't realise you had company!"

There was an awkward silence. Everyone was at a complete loss of what to do so Iphigenia began to sweep up with a broom (even though the floor was clean) accidentally knocking over some chairs in her haste. "Sorry! Sorry!" She muttered and quickly went to pick them up.

In order to diffuse the sudden atmosphere, Munkustrap cleared his throat and turned to leave. “Yes. Well. I'd best be going...” he mumbled.

“Munk-?” Bombalurina called after him.

He immediately turned back. “Yup?”

“This isn't going to go away, so promise me you _will_ think about it?” she said.

“Which 'it' are we talking about here!" He growled.

She was about to answer when suddenly she grimaced with pain and doubled up.

He raised an eyebrow. “You ok?” He asked.

She continued to grimace, but nodded and gently held her lower belly. “Mmm! Pain...here. Hopefully nothing...you go...don't worry about me…”

Munkustrap’s eyes widened. “Hopefully nothing she says!" He scoffed. "Bombi you're bleeding!”

"Bombi!" Echoed Iphigenia and pointed at her with look of horror on her face.

Bombalurina looked down in shock to where Iphigenia was pointing to and sure enough, a trickle of blood was soaking into the fur on the inside of her legs and dripping onto the floor. She stared at it in disbelief. “My-my kittens...!” she gasped.

Munkustrap immediately placed a comforting arm around her trembling shoulders and gave them a firm, but gentle squeeze. “Try to stay calm,” he whispered to her.

“Is that your answer to everything?!” She shouted.

“Pretty much,” he replied. "You should try it sometime."

“Easy for you to say!" She cried.

“Well panicking won't help will it!" He scolded. "Now come on. Let's get you out of here.”

“But what about my shop?!” Bombalurina wailed.

“I'll look after it!” suggested Iphigenia. “I'll take care of everything, you take as much time as you need. I'll even give the young apprentice Vaughan a few more responsibilities, but don't worry, I won't let him near the peroxide again!”

“Thanks Iphy!” said Bombalurina shakily. “I'll send messenger boy here to inform you of what's happening.”

"Charming!" He muttered.

“I hope it's all ok,” Iphigenia said sympathetically.

“So do I," Bombalurina replied nervously. "Take me to the infirmary handsome!” and she managed a weak laugh as he hoisted her into arms.

"I'm not too cumbersome am I?” she fussed.

“Light as a feather Bombshell,” he promised her whilst awkwardly backing out of the shop, the bell tinkling as the door swung open and shut.

Her eyes narrowed. “Are you saying I'm fat?” she asked suspiciously.

“What gave you that idea?” he chuckled as he walked briskly along Lisson Grove towards the Scrapyard. 

“Oh! I don't know! Perhaps I'm thinking about the time I wore that outfit and asked you if my bum looked big. And you said _yes_!” She looked at him accusingly as she said this.

“Well what was I supposed to say?" He huffed. "Ow! What was that for?”

* * *

 

 They continued to bicker like Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy all the way to the infirmary, where Jazzie and Jennyanydots were there to greet them. “Emergency! Coming through!” Munkustrap panted.

"Too right there is!" Growled Bombalurina. "I'm about to murder this tom!"

"Look, all I said was that big is better," he tried to reason, but it was clear she was having none of it. "That's all I said! And then you have to go and get all aggressive and start hitting me. Is it any wonder I didn't drop you-!"

“Carry her through and place her on the table, dear,” Jennyanydots instructed, interrupting his short monologue.

So he quickly shut up and did as he was told, gently placing her down and then, when she wasn't looking, shook out his aching arms. He was one of the few toms, apart from Rum Tum Tugger and Macavity, who had the strength to lift her. Well, she  _was_  a large cat; almost as tall as him and far heavier than Jazzie, especially now that she was pregnant (But he didn't dare say any of that to her face!) Speaking of Jazzie. The aforementioned Snowshoe was busy examining Bombalurina, taking her blood pressure and heart rate, pressing her ear to The Somali’s lower abdomen in order to listen to the babies’ heartbeats and asking her questions, such as: “Where does it hurt?” and “When did ze bleeding start and was it accompanied by the pain?”

Finally, she came to a decision. “I would like to have a little look inside your tummy, just to see what's going on," she informed her. "I am only hearing one heartbeat, I'm afraid.”

“Does that mean that one of my kittens is dead?” Bombalurina asked, looking worried.

“I do not know yet," Jazzie replied. "But we must be prepared for zat possibility. I'm sorry.”

Bombalurina began to sob into her paw, so Munkustrap took hold of her other one and squeezed it. There was a grim look on his face, all humour forgotten. Bombalurina sniffed. “You're not going to cut me open, are you?” she asked Jazzie.

“No, of course not,” said Jazzie kindly. “Come. I'll show you."

"Jenny?” she called.

“Yes dear?” The Old golden tabby bustled over.

“Tell Mistoffelees to set up ze ultrasound scanner, will you please?” Jazzie instructed.

Jennyanydots gave her a dutiful nod. “Right on it Jazz."

"Mistoffelees?" She hollared. "MISTOFFELEES! Oh, _where_ is that magician?”

He appeared right behind her, making her jump. “Right here Ma'am!”

“Whoa!" She shrieked.

Then she looked at him crossly. "You almost gave me a hernia!” she scolded. “Now kindly make yourself useful and set up that fandangled machine.”

“The Sonogram?” he clarified.

“Yes, that's the one!" Snapped Jennyanydots, ushering him away. "Now get a move on!”

* * *

 

 Jazzie led Bombalurina to a small room with a leather examining couch situated next to what looked like a large, whirring machine with a computer screen and a keypad. Bombalurina looked at it suspiciously.

“Pop yourself on ze couch, please,” Jazzie instructed, then noticed Bombalurina's reluctance.

“It's ok," she assured her. "Zis won't hurt!”

Munkustrap gave Bombalurina a delicate shove towards the couch. “Go on!" He encouraged. "I'm sure it's perfectly safe! Your son built it!”

“That's what worries me,” Bombalurina muttered as she lay herself down.

“Zis might feel a bit cold,” Jazzie warned her and squeezed some clear, slippery gel out of a tube directly onto the Russet queen’s white belly, rubbing it in really well so that it was completely soaked.

Then she pressed a few buttons with direction from Mistoffelees and placed the plastic probe, which was attached to the machine by a wire, onto Bombalurina’s belly. All eyes were on the screen. Breaths were held all round. And at first, nothing appeared apart from a grey smudge. "I  _am_ pregnant, aren't I?" Bombalurina fretted.

"Hang on. Bare wiz me," Jazzie said apologetically. "I am new to zis!"

Then, as she moved the probe around, wriggling, pulsing blobs materialised out of the grey shadows. Bombalurina gasped and grabbed Munkustrap’s paw. "I see them!" She whispered.

"Phew! You're not just fat then!" He chuckled. "Ow!"

She gave him a sideways look. "There's more where _that_ came from, Mister!" She growled.

“I can confirm,” Jazzie informed Bombalurina and Munkustrap whilst choosing to ignore their antics. “Zat you have two kittens, but I can only find one heartbeat. I'm afraid one of your kittens has died and ze pain is your body getting rid of him.”

“Him?” asked Munkustrap.

“Yes,” said Jazzie sadly. “It was a little boy.”

“What about the other one?” asked Bombalurina desperately.

“It seems healssy," said Jazzie, taking a look. "I've done some measurements and it is a good size, is moving about. Do you want to know what is it?”

“Please,” Bombalurina whispered.

“See for yourself," said Jazzie, moving the screen so that Bombalurina could see it better. "Do you see her? She's waving at us!”

Bombalurina looked at the screen in amazement. “Wow, what  _is_ that?” she askedis with fascination, straining to make out the shapes through the grey fuzz. It was like a steriogram.

“Zat is your baby!" Jazzie told her, smiling. "A little girl."

Tears sprang into Bombalurina's eyes. “No way!" She breathed. "My little girl? Can she see me?”

“No, but she might be able to hear you,” Jazzie informed her. "So she'll probably like it if you talk to her or if you sing a regular song, chances are she will recognise it after she is born."

"She'll come out singing 'Macavity!' then!" Mistoffelees piped up.

A single tear slid out of the corner of Bombalurina’s eye. She wiped it away and then looked up at Munkustrap. He was strangely quiet. “Munkustrap? Are you ok?” She asked.

“Yep!” He jumped, sniffed and quickly rubbed his eye with the back of his paw.

“Only, it looks like you're crying,” she said suspiciously.

“No no! Just...got something in my eye!” He denied.

She made eye contact with everyone else and winked. “Ha! Look at you trying to act all tough!" She teased. "You're just a big softy really, aren't you!”

"I am _not_!" He retorted.

* * *

 

“Bombalurina. I can confirm zat you are suffering from mild pre eclampsia,” Jazzie told the Red Somali later on.

“What's that?” The russet queen asked, somewhat alarmed. “Is it serious?”

“Your blood pressure is high and I found protein in your urine," Jazzie explained. "Ze PH in your blood is also higher zan it should be. Potentially it can cause deass in both mozzer and baby,  _if_ left untreated. Sankfully ze treatment is tres simple. I am going to administer you wiz an intravenous injection of calcium gluconate and also one of phosphorus and vitamin D. I am also going to prescribe bed rest.”

“What!?" Exclaimed Bombalurina. "For how long?”

“I would like to keep you under close observation until your kitten is born," Jazzie continued. "Sree weeks.”

“Three weeks?!" Wailed Bombalurina. "But my salon-!”

“Don't fret Bombi!" Munkustrap cut in. "Iphy  _said_ she'd sort it. She seems like the dependable sort."

“We don't want anything to happen to our daughter, do we? Or _you_ for that matter,” he sternly reminded her.

“No, I suppose not," She huffed. "This is all _your_ fault!”

“Er...excuse me?" Munkustrap replied, taken aback. " _All_ my fault-?”

“Let's not get into zis shall we,” Jazzie interrupted. “Munkustrap, I need to speak wiz you, please.”

“Oh. Sure-” Munkustrap nodded and was about to get a seat for her.

“In private!” She said sharply.

“Does it have to be-?” he started to ask.

“Now!”

He looked puzzled. “Ok,” he said.

“Follow me please!”

Munkustrap looked at Bombalurina and shrugged. “Don't go anywhere!" He warned her. "I'll be right back."

“Of _course_ you will!” She winked.

He looked even more puzzled. “And what's _that_ supposed to-?”

“Munkustrap!" Jazzie yelled impatiently. "Allez allez!” *1

Munkustrap sighed and rolled his eyes. “Alright! I'm coming! Bast!”

Bombalurina chortled after him. “You're in trouble _now_ , handsome!”

* * *

 

Still wondering what on _Earth_ she could possibly want, he reluctantly followed Jazzie down to her lab. She calmly shut the door and then stood with her back towards it facing him, looking a little awkward. He gazed back, waiting for her to speak.

“So? How are you?” She began, looking sympathetic.

He sighed heavily and looked down at the floor. If he'd had pockets he probably would have put his paws into them. “These things happen," he stated.

“You are ozzerwise well zough, no?” she pressed.

“Yes." He nodded and looked up at her. "You?”

She smiled. “You'll be pleased to know zat awful sick feeling is not as bad," she told him. "I still feel it, but…”

She came towards him. His arms seemed to open automatically and enfold themselves around her slender frame which, he was pleased to see, had already started to fill out a little. She pressed herself against him while he buried his nose into her soft shoulder. “I've missed you,” he whispered quietly.

In reply, she looked up and kissed him,

 _"Fire and ice_  
_This love is like fire and ice_  
_This love is like rain and blue skies_  
_This love is like sun on the rise_  
_This love got me rolling the dice_  
_Don't let me lose_  
_Still falling for you_  
_Still falling for you_  
_Beautiful mind_  
_Your heart got a story with mine_  
_Your heart got me hurting at times_  
_Your heart gave me new kind of highs_  
_Your heart got me feeling so fine_  
_So what to do_  
_Still falling for you_  
_Still falling for you_  
_It took us a while_  
_With every breath a new day_  
_With love on the line_  
_We've had our share of mistakes_  
_But all your flaws and scars are mine_  
_Still falling for you_  
_Still falling for you_  
_And just like that_  
_All I breathe_  
_All I feel_  
_You are all for me_  
_I'm in_  
_And just like that_  
_All I breathe_  
_All I feel_  
_You are all for me_  
_No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do_  
_I'm still falling for you_  
_Brighter than gold_  
_This love shining brighter than gold_  
_This love is like letters in bold_  
_This love is like out of control_  
_This love is never growing old_  
_You make it new_  
_Still falling for you_  
_Still falling for you_  
_It took us a while_  
_'Cause we were young and unsure_  
_With love on the line_  
_What if we both would need more_  
_But all your flaws and scars are mine_  
_Still falling for you_  
_Still falling for you_  
_Still falling for you_  
  
_And just like that_  
_All I breathe_  
_All I feel_  
_You are all for me_  
_I'm in_  
_And just like that_  
_All I breathe_  
_All I feel_  
_You are all for me_  
_No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do_  
_Still falling for you_  
  
_Falling, crash into my arms_  
_Love you like this_  
_Like a first kiss_  
_Never let go_  
_Falling, crash into my arms_  
_Never breaking what we got_  
_Still falling for you_  
_Still falling for_  
_And just like that_  
_All I breathe_  
_All I feel_  
_You are all for me_  
_I’m in_  
_And just like that_  
_All I breathe_  
_All I feel_  
_You are all for me_  
_All for me_  
_And just like that_  
_All I feel is you_  
_All I feel is you_  
_You are all for me_  
_I’m still falling_  
_And just like that_  
_All I feel is you_  
_All I feel is you_  
_You are all for me_  
_No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do_  
_I’m still falling for you."_

(Still Falling For You by Ellie Goulding)

 "So am I," He replied and kissed her back.

Within the next heartbeat, and showing surprising strength for a cat so small, she shoved him backwards onto the work bench, knocking over glass beakers full of coloured liquids balanced on tripods and test tubes in wooden holders, causing them to roll off the table and smash. His eyes widened. Had she gone mad? He'd always had his suspicions... "Jazzie! What are you-?!"

“Don't worry about it,” Jazzie reassured him destractedly at seeing his alarmed expression. “It was an experiment zat went wrong, I-I shall clean up later-”

"But-!"

She quelled any further protests by smothering him with kisses and holding him down when he tried to get back up (not that he was putting up a _whole_ lot of resistance mind you!) Then she climbed on top of him.

He gasped. “Jazz!” he managed to blurt out between kisses. “Are you  _quite_ sure this is a-?”

“Positive.”

“Yes but-!"

“Ze kittens will be fine,” she bluntly informed him.

“But, how can you be sure-?” He looked unconvinced. 

She sat up and fixed him with a hard stare. “I am pregnant!" She growled. "And I haven't seen you for FOUR WEEKS! Are you telling me zat you don't want to do zis?”

He quickly shook his head. “Nope.”

“Good," she calmed as though that had been the correct thing to say. "Zen shut up and make love to me!”

* * *

 

 It was a rather bemused, but happy Silver Bengcoon that wandered back to the general ward. He was pleased to see the Somali Queen was now lying in a bed reading a magazine entitled _Furrcare Weekly: keeping you up to date with the latest trends!_  And was looking thoroughly fed up as though she hadn't gotten into it voluntarily. “I'm back,” he quietly announced.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, with only a hint of sarcasm. “How was your ‘ _discussion_ ’?” She mimed inverted commas using her fingers.

“Yep. Good,” he replied, somewhat vaguely. He did seem rather preoccupied.

“So? What was it about?” she prompted whilst sweetly batting her eyelids.

“Can't remember,” he said, shrugging.

She tutted. “Typical!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *1 Come on!


	14. I'm Holding On!

Later that night, after Munkustrap had gone on his errands, Bombalurina found herself being joined by a very sullen Rumpleteazer. "Still no luck with our Steel Knight then I take it?" She enquired, looking sympathetic. 

Rumpleteazer shook her head sadly. "I think I might have blown it good and proper!" she confessed.

Bombalurina had a quiet think. What _hadn't_ she tried yet? Then a smirk appeared on her lips. "Well, there _is_ still one thing you _could_ try," she ventured.

"What?" Rumpleteazer pleaded desperately. "I'm willing to try _anything_!"

"Rape him."

Rumpleteazer blinked. "You what?" Had she just heard her right?

"Yeah just rape him!" Bombalurina repeated as though it was the obvious thing to do, like breathing.

"I think that might be a bit extreme, Bombi, even for me!" Said Rumpleteazer, looking wholey unconvinced.

"Trust me!" Bombalurina assured her. "He might be as stubborn as a mule with a hangover, and yes, if you try to use force then he's bound to dig his heels in. But sometimes, when gentle persuasion fails, desperate measures are called for. _And_ I have a little secret which I shall impart."

She dropped her voice down to a whisper, made sure no-one else was eavesdropping and spoke behind her paw, "If you _touch_ him in the right spot (because let's face it, _all_ toms have got one of those... _places_  if you catch my drift!) at just the right time, there's no _way_ he'll be able to refuse. He'll be eating out of your paw, I guarantee it!"

"I'm _really_ not sure…" Rumpleteazer gulped.

"Look sweetie, I know Munkustrap very well," Bombalurina insisted. "He is just a male, nothing special. I've been around long enough to know all the tricks, and once _you_ have too, you'll realise just how easy toms are to manipulate so long as you know which buttons to press."

"Oh yeah, and there's a huge part of Munkustrap that actually wants to say yes," she added.

Rumpleteazer's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Really," echoed Bombalurina with a sly wink, then muttered under her breath, "That's  _why_ I haven't given up yet!"

"Take it from me," she carried on knowingly. "He's a good tom. He likes to stick to his guns. Plus he's one the meagre few to actually possess moral compass, which is why I think he'd be good for you rather than... say Tugger...who doesn't have one at all!" She rolled her eyes as she said this.

"Anyway," she continued. "This moral compass of Munkustrap’s is basically telling him that you are too young to face all the commitments that come with being a mother. Therefore, it is simply up to you to prove to him that you _aren't."_

"How am I doing so far?" Asked Rumpleteazer, looking hopeful.

Bombalurina chewed her lip and slowly shook her head. "Not so good sweetie."

Rumpleteazer's face fell and she hung her head, feeling thoroughly dejected. "I’ll never have kittens of me own!" She sniffed.

"Not with a face like that you won't!" Bombalurina remarked. "Oh cheer up Tease! Bombi hasn't given up on you yet!" And she began to sing,

 _"Wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'_  
_Plannin' and dreamin' each night of his charms_  
_That won't get you into his arms_  
_So if you're lookin' to find love you can share_  
_All you gotta do is hold him and kiss him and love him_  
_And show him that you care_  
_Show him that you care just for him_  
_Do the things he likes to do_  
_Wear your hair just for him, 'cause_  
_You won't get him_  
_Thinkin' and a-prayin', wishin' and a-hopin'_  
_'Cause wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'_  
_Plannin' and dreamin' his kisses will start_  
_That won't get you into his heart_  
_So if you're thinkin' of how great true love is_  
_All you gotta do is hold him and kiss him and squeeze him and love him_  
_Yeah, just do it_  
_And after you do, you will be his_  
_You gotta show him that you care just for him_  
_Do the things he likes to do_  
_Wear your hair just for him, 'cause_  
_You won't get him_  
_Thinkin' and a-prayin', wishin' and a-hopin'_  
_'Cause wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'_  
_Plannin' and dreamin' his kisses will start_  
_That won't get you into his heart_  
_So if you're thinkin' of how great true love is_  
_All you gotta do is hold him and kiss him and squeeze him and love him_  
_Yeah, just do it_  
_And after you do, you will be his_  
_You will be his_  
_You will be his."_

(Wishing and Hoping by Dusty Springfield)

It was Rumpleteazer's turn to smirk. "So. Where exactly _is_ this 'spot' you're on about?" She asked.

"Come here," said Bombalurina, beckoning her closer. "I'll show you..."

* * *

 

 The Wellington Arms was full of the usual crowd of post workers and social drinkers wanting a meal and a drink of either milk or a weak alcoholic drink known as Moonshine (a blend of water with a few drops of clear alcohol. That was all that was needed as anymore could make a cat seriously ill!) Some were up for a game of pool or darts, whereas others were there for the pie and football night. Every so often loud cheering, chanting or booing could be heard coming from the back room where testosterone filled males were congregating around a television screen.

Munkustrap stood at the bar, having just purchased a glass of Moonshine which he knocked back in one swift movement. He had just returned from Soho, having completed a particularly tough training session with his trainer The Great Rumpus Cat; who just so happened to live there. During the aforementioned training session he had learnt everything there was to know about knives and how to defend himself against them. It had been most productive, in fact. He hadn't been allowed to leave until Rumpus had been certain that every lesson had been drilled in. And drilled in they had been. As a result, Munkustrap was feeling that light headed ache that one tends to feel after a particularly gruelling activity and now all he wanted was a quiet drink. Chance would be a fine thing! "You doesn't normally drink, young Munkus," Asparagus commented. "Bin one of them nights has it?"

"To be honest, it's been one of those weeks," Munkustrap replied wearily. "Who's winning by the way?"

"One nil to Arsenal at the moment," said Asparagus.

"Queens is it?" He added.

"Oh? Who they playing?" Munkustrap enquired, although he was only mildly interested. He wasn't really up on football. He and the boys would have kick about now and again, but not as much as they used to. Nowadays it was just something to talk about in order to avoid talking about other things. In fact Munkustrap couldn't remember the last time he had  _looked_ at a ball let alone _played_ with one! 

"Yeah," he responded to the second question and gave a heavy sigh. "Bombalurina miscarried the second one. Still got one left though, so she's resting up in the infirmary to make sure she doesn't lose that too."

Asparagus looked deeply concerned. "Bet she's loving that," he said regretfully. "Tell her I sends me condolences to you both. Hope it all works out an that."

On a slightly more cheerful note, he added, "It's the big one tonight. Arsenal v Chelsea." 

"Yeah, cheers, I'll pass that on," Munkustrap replied, struggling to keep the despondent tone out of his voice.

He quickly changed the subject. "There's bound to be some tears then?"

"Not in my pub I hope!" Exclaimed Asparagus. "They can fight outside!"

"Do you want me to stick around?" Munkustrap asked. "Just in case?"

Asparagus nodded gratefully. "That be grand Munk. I don't fancy replacing me windows again! They'd have to be either very drunk, very stupid or both to kick off with you here! How's Demeter taken the news, by the way?"

"She doesn't know," Munkustrap admitted. "To be honest, I don't even know where she is. You haven't seen her, have you by any chance?"

Asparagus shook his head. "Nah, sorry mate. She ain't been in here for ages. But if I does see her, like, I'll tell her you're looking for her."

It was Munkustrap’s turn to give him a nod of gratitude. "If you could. Thanks friend."

He glanced to his left to see his brother draping his forearms across the bar, nursing his own glass of Moonshine. Munkustrap guessed it wasn't his first. The toms made eye contact and Munkustrap dipped his head slightly in acknowledgement. "Alright?" he muttered gruffly.

Rum Tum Tugger lifted his head and looked blearily at him. "What's this I hear about Bombi?" he slurred.

Feeling relieved that his brother seemed to have forgotten all about their minor quarrel, Munkustrap took a stool next to him. "She's not well," he quietly told him. "She suffered another miscarriage."

"Holy Bast cat! Why didn't you tell me?" Rum Tum Tugger exclaimed.

"I _would_ have," Munkustrap said sharply. " _If_ we had been speaking! It was all very sudden…"

Rum Tum Tugger smacked is forehead and groaned. "Cat! I've been such dick! I'm sorry dude. You know I never wished that on you!"

He pulled Munkustrap into a rough hug, before pulling away. "So, how are you?" He asked. "You shaping up or what?"

Munkustrap shrugged. "As can be expected. I didn't think you cared," he muttered accusingly.

"Cat! I might be a moron, but I ain't a monster!" Rum Tum Tugger argued. "You're still my bro! So, how's Bomb taking it."

Munkustrap smiled sourly. "Oh you know Bombi. She puts on a brave face even though she's tearing up inside. You _really_ need to patch things up with her."

"Yeah, I dunno…" Rum Tum Tugger shifted awkwardly.

"Oh come on Tugger," Munkustrap coaxed. "Bombi needs you.  _I_ need you."

Rum Tum Tugger looked up. "Really?" He asked, looking slightly perplexed.

"Of _course_ I do!" Munkustrap insisted. "We're brothers aren't we? We've always looked out for eachother since we were kits, remember? Ok, so you drive me up the wall sometimes, but the queens like you. You bring them something that I cannot."

Rum Tum Tugger raised an eyebrow. "What? Eye candy?"

"Fun," Munkustrap answered in all seriousness. "I'll be the first to admit that I am not exactly a bundle of laughs! I doubt I was born with a single funny bone in my body in fact. Bombi especially, gets bored of me before not too long. She never says as much, but there is only so much serious one queen can take."

Rum Tum Tugger chuckled, "Oh but you _are_ funny dude, in your own way. Cats just don't get your humour. Me included."

"Thanks?" Said Munkustrap tentatively. "I'm pretty sure you were _almost_ paying me a compliment just then-"

"Plus I think it's just the case that you're more fun to laugh  _at_ rather than _with-_ " Rum Tum Tugger continued.

"Alright you made your point!" Munkustrap said moodily.

Rum Tum Tugger clapped him on the shoulder and laughed, "Nah I'm only messing with you, dude. You're the funniest guy I know! Apart from me of course!"

The corners of Munkustrap’s mouth turned up, just a little and he held out his paw. "Friends?" He offered.

Rum Tum Tugger reached over and clasped his paw firmly. "Yeah cat," he agreed. "This whole not speaking malarkey really sucks!"

"Good," said Munkustrap sounding relieved. "Because there's something I _really_ need to talk to you about."

"Does it involve Queens?" Rum Tum Tugger asked hopefully.

Munkustrap laughed, "Take a wild guess!"

"Then I'm all ears bro!"

* * *

 

 "So, let me get this straight," Rum Tum Tugger repeated for the third time after Munkustrap had explained his dilemma. "Some bird wants to shag you. And _you_ said NO?"

"Tugger, I'm old enough to be her father!" Munkustrap argued. "In fact my daughters are the same as she is and let's not mention the fact that I have just become a grandfather too!"

Rum Tum Tugger shrugged, nonplussed. "So? I don't get what your problem is."

Munkustrap threw up his paws in exasperation. "Oh you are the limit!" He groused. 

"Look dude," Rum Tum Tugger persisted. "It don't matter how old you are. I personally think that young chicks actually  _prefer_ a more mature male-"

"Oh please-!" Munkustrap scoffed.

Rum Tum Tugger tried a different approach. "Well, ok. Let's look at it this way," he said reasonably. "Who would _you_ rather she broke it with? You? Or some skank down a dark alley all because she got too desperate waiting for you to make up your mind? Eh?"

Munkustrap suddenly looked horrified. "I hadn't thought of that…" He conceded.

"So yeah," Rum Tum Tugger continued with a triumphant grin. "Personally dude, my advice would be, and I strongly recommend that you take The Tugger's advice cos let's face it, there ain't no other worth having! If the chick's offering it to you on a plate, why _not_ get stuck in?"

" _You_ would-!" Munkustrap griped.

"Well send her my way then- Wait!" Rum Tum Tugger had a sudden thought (Oh no!) "She ain't a pug is she? In which case, I'd suggest wearing a blindfold-"

Munkustrap spluttered, "NO!"

"Just checking!" Rum Tum Tugger smirked, suddenly curious. "Come on then, spill the beans! Who is it?"

Munkustrap shook his head. "You'll rip it out of me-!"

" _Would_ I do that?!" Rum Tum Tugger asked, feigning a look of shock.

"Yes."

"Oh come just _tell_ me!" Rum Tum Tugger pestered. "Hey! It's not Rumpleteazer is it?"

Silence.

Rum Tum Tugger's mouth fell open. "NO! _Seriously_?"

"Keep your voice down!" Munkustrap hissed, looking around nervously.

"Why? Is she here?" Rum Tum Tugger also looked around. 

"I don't know," Munkustrap admitted. "She's been kind of...following me."

Rum Tum Tugger laughed at him, "You could do a whole lot worse dude!" He was clearly enjoying this!

Then he grinned and leaned in close. "So? You like her or what?"

Munkustrap shrugged. "I could take or leave her to be honest."

"Wait! Does Demeter know?" Rum Tum Tugger asked suddenly. 

"That's the other issue," said Munkustrap with a look of concern. "If she finds out, she may well castrate me!"

"Well," Rum Tum Tugger shrugged and smirked again. "She ain't here _is_ she? Do you know _where_ she is?"

"No," Munkustrap admitted.

"Well then," Rum Tum Tugger pressed on. "You really think she's being true to you?  _I_  think we both know where she is!"

Munkustrap didn't answer, so Rum Tum Tugger placed a paw on his shoulder again and whispered, "I know you miss her, dude. If I really knew where she was I would tell you. But until she comes back, why be lonely?"

"You think she'll come back?" Munkustrap asked.

"This is her home," Rum Tum Tugger assured him. "This is where she belongs. She'll return when she's ready to."

He tapped his nose and gave out his final piece of Tuggerly advice. "Just get in there bro before you really _are_ too old. And don't worry, your secret is safe with me!"

"It'll be about as safe as a chocolate safe then?" Munkustrap muttered.

They were interrupted by a loud booing and hissing which was followed in the next few seconds by raucous cheering and the sound of cats knocking over chairs. "Who scored?" Munkustrap asked Asparagus.

"It's one all!" replied Asparagus. "Tony Woodcock got sent off. Chelsea got a free kick."

Munkustrap shrugged and turned back to his brother with a query that had been bothering him for some time. "Tugger?" He asked.

"Yeah?"

"I've noticed something-" he began.

"Oh finally!"

Munkustrap paused, looking slightly confused. "What?"

Tugger opened his mouth, then closed it again. "Errr…" he waved the comment. "Nothing, carry on! You've noticed…?"

Seeing as neither myself nor Munkustrap had _any_ idea what Rum Tum Tugger was going on about, Munkustrap carried on, "That a queen's allowed to say no to you, right?"

"Right. Or should I say, wrong!"

"And you're just meant to take it on the chin and wear it like some sort of draft mug. Still following?"

"I _think_ so..." Rum Tum Tugger was looking a little bewildered.

"But," Munkustrap continued. "When  _you_ say no, all of a sudden you're this complete arsehole and she's somehow the victim?"

"Dunno! I've never said no!" Rum Tum Tugger chuckled.

"And then," Munkustrap carried on. "She's allowed to touch you wherever and grab...things...and try it on with you. And that's perfectly acceptable?"

"Sure is-!"

"But see here’s the thing! If  _you_ do that to _them_ without asking permission first, they start baying for your castration!"

"And this is a problem for you, why?" asked Rum Tum Tugger, looking slightly envious.

"I'm with you there!" Asparagus interjected upon overhearing their conversion. "It's blooming gender inequality that's what it is! You should see what I has to put up with from some o they drunk queens that comes in here!"

Rum Tum Tugger looked at them both incredulously. "Dudes!" He exclaimed. "I dunno what queens _you're_ on about, but if _you_ don't want them then kindly send them my way, yeah? Geesh! As long as I'm getting me some, I got no worries! Y'know what your problems are? You think too much about it. Just get on in there, toms. Then reminisce about it after!"

"And the fact that you think like that has _nothing whatsoever_ to do with your ninety nine percent fail rate?" Munkustrap asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I have a lot to get through-" Rum Tum Tugger denied.

"YOU need to take things slower," Munkustrap interrupted. "Maybe actually get around to asking her important questions. Like her _name_ , for example?"

"Yeah, cheers for the advice Casanova!" Rum Tum Tugger retorted. "Tell you what, why not try teaching Grandma to suck eggs next time, yeah?"

"When was the last time...?" Munkustrap asked tentatively.

"Three months ago," Rum Tum Tugger confessed, almost inaudibly.

"Oooh!" Munkustrap winced.

Rum Tum Tugger was strangely quiet all of a sudden. No wonder he was turning to Moonshine for help! But it was a fickle friend. While it promised to solve all your problems in a single glass, it actually exacerbated them, then turned you blind and eventually destroyed your liver.

Rum Tum Tugger was about to say something when a raucous group of young males suddenly poured out of the backroom and bundled their way to the bar, each jostling to be the first to get a drink. Munkustrap gave them a disapproving stare, daring any one of them to so much as _think_ about barging him out of the way. A slight flattening of the ears and a lash of the tail was all that was needed for them to have theirs between their legs and they sounded a little less cocky all of a sudden. But in their haste to give him a wide berth, one of them accidentally barged into Rum Tum Tugger instead. "Oi!" he yelled. "Watch the mane dude! I'm leaning here!"

He rolled his eyes and made an over exaggerated display of flicking his quiff back into place. Then he glared at the sheepish individual before turning back to his brother. "Halftime. Fancy a quick jam?" he suggested.

"Yeah, why not?" said Munkustrap. "We'll show these young whippersnappers what proper music sounds like."

"It might explode their tiny minds!" Rum Tum Tugger joked.

"With any luck!" Munkustrap chuckled as he followed Rum Tum Tugger onto the small stage.

"Don't look now!" Rum Tum Tugger warned him as he bent down to pick up his guitar. "Your admirer! At eight o'clock!"

"I _told_ you she was stalking me!" Munkustrap whispered.

He flashed a quick glance in that direction and met with a pair of sad copper eyes. She was slumped against the bar, a glass of half drunk clear liquid in her paw. He tore his eyes away from the pathetic scene, but could not quell the sudden feeling of burning guilt. Maybe his brother was right? She wasn't asking for the Earth! If he just gave her what she wanted then perhaps she would leave him alone? So, she was young? At that moment she seemed to have aged considerably, with her usual bubbly demeanour a thing of distant memory and in its place sat a cloud of misery. She looked lonely too. No one spoke to her and she didn't speak to anyone, which was so unlike her! Usually it was her high pitched cockney accent that he could hear above everyone else's. But it was silent now. "What shall we sing?" he asked Rum Tum Tugger.

Rum Tum Tugger thought for a moment, then came up with an idea. "I got just the song for us bro. How about some Del Amitri?"

He began to strum the opening bars to the song and they both sang, their voices melding together like honey and lemon.

 _"So you're in love with someone else_  
_Someone who burns within your soul_  
_And it looks like I am the last to know_  
_I hear you've never felt so alive_  
_So much desire beyond control_  
_And as usual I am the last to know_

 _The last to know_  
_How you're feeling_  
_The last to know_  
_Where you are_  
_The last to know_  
_If you're happy now_  
_Or if he's treating you, like I treated you_  
_Or if he's cruel_  
_I'll be the last to know_

 _We spent summers up by the lake_  
_And you said these are such prefect days_  
_That if the bomb drops baby_  
_I want to be the last to know_  
_But now you're living up behind the hill_  
_And though we share the same city and feel the same sun_  
_When your winter comes_  
_I'll be the last to know_

 _Always the last to know_  
_How you're feeling_  
_The last to know_  
_Where you are_  
_The last to know_  
_If you're happy now_  
_Or if he's pleading with you, like I pleaded with you_  
_If you go, don't let me be the last to know_  
_Don't let me be the last to know_

 _Creations gone crazy_  
_The TV's gone mad_  
_Now you're the only sane thing that I have_

 _Always the last to know_  
_How you're feeling_  
_The last to know_  
_Where you are_  
_The last to know_  
_If you're happy now_  
_Or if he's cheating on you, like I cheated on you_  
_Oh, oh, oh_

 _You were the last to know_  
_You were the last to know_  
_Don't let me be the last to know."_

(The Last To Know by Del Amitri)

Such was the applause and calls to sing again that Munkustrap and Rum Tum Tugger rolled straight into a second song,  
  
_"Post office clerks put up signs saying "position closed"_  
_And secretaries turn off typewriters and put on their coats_  
_And janitors padlock the gates for security guards to patrol_  
_And bachelors phone up their friends for a drink_  
_While the married ones turn on a chat show_  
_And they'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow_  
  
_Gentlemen, time please, you know we can't serve anymore_  
_Now the traffic lights change to stop, when there's nothing to go_  
_And by five o'clock everything's dead_  
_And every third car is a cab_  
_And ignorant people sleep in their beds_  
_Like the doped white mice in the college lab_  
  
_And nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all_  
_The needle returns to the start of the song_  
_And we all sing along like before_  
_And we'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow_  
  
_Telephone exchanges click while there's nobody there_  
_The Martians could land in the car park and no one would care_  
_Close-circuit cameras in department stores shoot the same movie every day_  
_And the stars of these films neither die nor get killed_  
_Just survive constant action replay_  
  
_And nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all_  
_The needle returns to the start of the song_  
_And we all sing along like before_  
_And we'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow_  
  
_And bill holdings advertise products that nobody needs_  
_While angry from Manchester writes to complain about_  
_All the repeats on T.V._  
_And computer terminals report some gains_  
_On the values of copper and tin_  
_While American businessmen snap up Van Goghs_  
_For the price of a hospital wing_  
  
_And nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all_  
_The needle returns to the start of the song_  
_And we all sing along like before_  
  
_And nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all_  
_They'll burn down the synagogues at six o'clock_  
_And we'll all go along like before_  
_And we'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow."_

(Nothing Ever Happens by Del Amitri)

* * *

 

While everyone applauded around her, Rumpleteazer was busy demolishing her fifth glass of Moonshine and banged the empty glass on the bar. "Another please Gus. Put it on the tab, will ya?" She slurred.

"I ain't sure you should be drinkin no more, Missy," warned Asparagus.

"What would _you_ know about it!" she snapped.

"I knows you owes us a fair bit," he replied with concern, placing the refill in front of her. "This is gonna be the last one I serves you, got it?"

"Whatever! Spoil sport!" She retorted and stuck her tongue out at him.

As she continued glare, shooting daggers at Asparagus's back, she felt someone lean in next to her. Moodily, she glanced up to see a young black and white tom leering at her whilst trying to imitate her stance, although he was clearly finding it difficult; the six Moonshines he'd consumed causing him to sway ever so slightly. Despite this, he clearly thought he was being gentlemanly and that he had a definite chance with this delectable little queen. "Can I help you with sommink?" She asked coldly.

The tom continued to leer and replied, "You look lonely. I thought you could use some company."

She looked away. "I'm alright ta."

"What's your name, sexy?" He carried on, completely missing the subtle hint that he was about as welcome as a plague of cockroaches.

"Who's askin?" She said destractedly.

"I'm Hack," he said, misinterpreting her question for interest.

"I don't care what your name is. _Hack_! You're in my personal space!" she snapped.

"I'll only get out of your space if you give me a kiss," He cajoled and leaned in closer, almost choking her with his alcohol breath.

"How about you just get out of my face, yeah!?" She shouted and then looked nervously at the stage, trying to catch Munkustrap's eye, but he was too busy chatting to some other cats to notice.

Either that or he was deliberately ignoring her. She started to panic.

"You gonna _make_ me, sweetheart?" the drunk tom hiccupped.

"Piss off!" She growled and shoved him away, accidentally sending him sprawling across a table where a group of cats were minding their own businesses, eating steaming hot bowls of fish stew.

Of course, the ceramic bowls were upended, spilling the searing contents into the laps of the diners and onto the floor, and while the cats who'd had their meals rudely interrupted leapt up, swearing and yelling obscenities, Hack snarled, "Bitch!"

She screamed as he grabbed her by the throat and slammed her head backwards onto the bar. "Push me, would you-?" he hissed.

"So! Little tom likes to pick on little cats does he?" growled a voice behind him. "Well you're in luck. Because so do I!"

Hack froze. Then he slowly turned around and found himself face to bared teeth with a thoroughly pissed off Silver Bengcoon. "You threatening me?" he demanded, brazenly puffing out his chest and standing on tiptoe to try and gain a centimetre or two, but try as he might he still found himself having to crane his neck slightly in order to meet the other tom's eyes.

Any sensible cat would have backed down straight away, but not this individual. He may have been brave, but he clearly wasn't very clever. "Your time here has expired," Munkustrap informed him. "Therefore, you may either leave now with your dignity intact, or I shall throw you out along with the bits of whatever's left of it!"

"Yeah, why don't you back off, Grandad!" Hack shoved the older tom as hard as he could.

He didn't budge. Was this tom made of granite or something? But before Hack could have another go he suddenly found himself with his arm twisted painfully behind his back while a dark voice muttered in his ear, "Seeing as you clearly don't have any, why don't  _I_ teach you some manners, eh?"

Munkustrap looked at the shocked Torby tabby. "Rumpleteazer?" He said. "I believe this gentleman has something to say to you."

Then he addressed the tom he was grappling with. "Come on now, don't be shy-!"

Hack growled through gritted teeth. "Fuck you- d'aaa!"

The drunken tom froze with pain as Munkustrap twisted his arm further, threatening to dislocate his shoulder. His courage suddenly dissolved and he began to suspect that it wouldn't take the Bengcoon a whole lot of effort to simply rip his arm off. "I'm sorry! Sorry! I'm really sorry!" he whimpered.

Then to his utter shame, he felt a sudden warm dampness on the inside of his leg and heard cats around him sniggering. This would be a lesson he would never forget. "That's better," Munkustrap growled, still holding him. "And now it's time for you to leave my friend! Don't worry, I'm sure _your_ friends will tell you the scores tomorrow."

"Oh and by the way pal? You're barred!" Asparagus added. "For life!"

In response Hack started to screech and curse. So Munkustrap physically picked him up, carried him through the crowded pub and threw him, as promised, out of the door. Not bothering to see where the miscreant landed, he brushed off his paws and turned back to the now silent pub, making sure to look every one of the stunned onlookers in the eye. No one was foolhardy enough to hold his gaze. "Anyone else feel like being uncivilized?" he asked.

Not a single cat was prepared to take him up on his offer, so he added, "Good. Because if anyone else kicks off there'll be Hell to pay, do I make myself clear?"

Luckily, the rest seemed to have the good sense to shrink away and go calmly back to the football. Munkustrap then acknowledged Asparagus's nod of approval with a slight dip of his head before making his way over to where Rumpleteazer was being comforted by Rum Tum Tugger. He gently caressed her ears, but she didn't respond. "Is she alright?" he asked. She didn't look too well.

"I think _someone_ has had one too many Moonshines," Rum Tum Tugger said quietly.

He passed her to Munkustrap, who lifted her into his arms, but didn't really know what else to do with her. "You know what you have to do," said the charcoal Bengcoon with a wink. "Go put the smile back on her face. PS. You jammy git!"

Munkustrap began to carry the semi conscious Rumpleteazer out of the pub, but when he got to the door he was suddenly struck with an element of doubt. Was this _really_ the right thing to do? Did he even _want_ to do it, that was the real question? Sure he could screw her. Easily. Well she _was_ female after all and he'd already had his fare share of promiscuity in his younger days that would make his brother's toes curl, but things were different now. He was a Protector. He had a duty of care. Could he go as far as _loving_ her? He would have to think about that. Undecided he turned to looked back at his brother, who rolled his eyes impatiently and began to gesticulate encouragement using some vigorous pelvic thrusts, coupled with a big thumbs up. Munkustrap just smiled and shook his head. There were no words. That tom was _unbelievable_! As he wondered back to his den, the queen in his arms stirred. "Munk?" She squeaked.

"Yes Teazer?" He sighed.

"I think I'm gonna be sick!" She cried.

"Not on me you're not!" He said hurriedly and hastily putting her down.

Then he held her head over the nearest drain while she threw up into it. "That's it. Better out than in," he mumbled.

"Errr! This is _so_ embarrassing!" she gasped.

Munkustrap just shrugged and said dryly, "No need to be embarrassed. I can't count the number of times I found myself chucking my guts up in some public place! Happens to us all! It's called living my dear!"

Presently, stomach empty and throat sore from the acid, she sat back with her head between her knees, as told to by Munkustrap. "It works for me," he explained.

The night was mild and still, but a sudden freak breeze drifted down the street and ruffled Munkustrap's whiskers, bringing with it a very faint scent. It was unfamiliar, but for some reason it made Munkustrap feel a slight sense of unease. "Come on," he muttered to Rumpleteazer. "We should move."

He helped her up and put an arm around her waist to steady her because it looked as though she might collapse at any moment. Her legs seemed to have gone on strike. "It's alright, I've got you," he reassured her as they walked.

_"Whoa pussycat!"_

Munkustrap froze. "Who said that?" He demanded.

"Oo said what?" asked Rumpleteazer. "I don't hear nothing!"

But Munkustrap felt a definite chill on the back of his neck. He shivered. Then a moment later a creature stepped out in front of them. Munkustrap stared, for whatever it was, it was truly horrifying! What appeared to be the ghost of a long dead cat. At least Munkustrap could only _assume_ that it was a cat, and that he (for Munkustrap also assumed that it was a he) had clearly died horribly, because he was lacking things that would usually help to identify him as such, like ears and a tail for example. In fact, his entire pelt was missing; with just a few silver, white and charcoal striped remnants around his paws looking like macabre slippers, leaving Munkustrap to guess that he must have been a marbled silver like him and, judging by the size of his exposed and bleeding muscles, possibly a Maine Coon, although it was hard to tell without his fur. With a sick feeling of pity in his stomach, he realised that this poor individual must have died AFTER losing his pelt. Who or what on _Earth_ would have done such a horrible thing and _why,_ Munkustrap didn't even want to hazard a guess at. He suddenly felt his own skin crawl and shivered again, silently thanking his lucky stars that it was still attached to him. He would never take it for granted again that was for sure! Meanwhile the ghost's amber eyes bulged out of his exposed skull, showing the whites bloodshot and tortured, while his agony was plain to see as he moved stiffly towards Munkustrap, who recoiled at the putrid stench of rotting flesh and instinctively pushed Rumpleteazer behind him. His own eyes had widened, but when she tried to see what he was staring at, all Rumpleteazer could see was an empty residential street.

"Munk! There's nothing 'ere!" she protested.

Munkustrap ignored her and instead spoke directly to the ghost. "Who are you? What do you want?" he demanded again.

"Oo are you _talking_ to?" Rumpleteazer hissed.

" _Beware! My name is Siren_ ," said the figure in a weak, rasping voice that was as full of pain as his eyes were. _"And I come to warn you of imminent danger. An assassin lies in ambush at the next crossroads."_

Munkustrap's mouth went dry. "What manner? Armed?"

_"With blade."_

"Thank you for the warning friend," said Munkustrap, and with sudden spark of recognition, remembered who this cat was. "I know who you are. You are the first Protector. I was told stories about you as a kitten."

 _"You have been well informed, Successor. But now you must prepare..."_  And as he said this the ghost's voice grew faint until all that remained of him were echoes and a slight drop in temperature.

Rumpleteazer looked from Munkustrap to the spot on the street that he was talking to, and back again. "Either I've had too much Moonshine, or _you've_ finally cracked. Which is it?" She demanded.

"I'm afraid it's a little more disturbing than that," he replied. "But I have no time to explain now."

"Are you _feeling_ alright?" She asked, worriedly.

He looked at her, his expression grim. "We are in danger," he informed her bluntly and then looked around.

"I need a weapon," he said urgently. "A metal bar or a broom handle would be ideal."

"How do you-?" She started.

"Quick! Just help me look!"

"Alright keep ya fur on!" She huffed moodily. "How bout this?"

The only thing they could find was a roadworks sign being held down by some hefty sandbags.

"It'll have to do," said Munkustrap, picking up one of the sandbags.

"I _meant_ the _sign_ …!" Rumpleteazer's voice trailed away.

Her eyes widened and her fur bristled. She opened her mouth to scream, but no sound came out. With her voice having already made its escape, she could only gasp and point at the dark figure standing before them, brandishing a three inch knife. Munkustrap's hackles rose and he hissed at the stranger, a black Siamese cat. He wore a mask over his narrowed forest green eyes and they were fixed upon Munkustrap as he began to run towards them, raising the knife to strike. With his heart pounding, Munkustrap put all of his faith in his recent training and held the sandbag ready under one arm. Then, with his eyes beginning to glow with fire, he began to stalk calmly towards the charging attacker, his own eyes never leaving the glinting blade. With a snarl, the Siamese pounced and at the same time, Munkustrap swung the sandbag, catching him in the side of the neck and knocking him to the ground. The Siamese rolled lithely back onto his feet and soon the toms stood facing each other in their fighting stances. Then the Siamese attacked again, but this time Munkustrap deflected the strike by thrusting the hassien bag forwards so that the blade was buried in that rather than in his flesh. He continued to do this, catching every cut and thrust...that was until the bag split! Grinning triumphantly the Siamese dived forward and stabbed downwards, but in one swift move Munkustrap reacted by throwing the bag in his face, blinding him with sharp sand. Now the ball was in Munkustrap’s court, so he wasted no time in striking the distracted cat on the nose and jumping backwards to avoid a counter attack. Then he decided to go in for another strike whilst the other was seemingly busy lying doubled up on the ground, holding his bleeding nose and trying to blink the grit out of his eyes. But even as he moved forward he knew he had made a mistake, for without warning the Siamese suddenly recovered and in a desperate move, threw the knife. Munkustrap moved to the side just time and felt a sharp sting as it caught him before spinning off down the street. He gasped and held his arm, just as the Siamese gave him an evil smile and attacked again, aiming a roundhouse kick at Munkustrap's head, only for Munkustrap to duck and infiltrate his guard with a backwards roundhouse which found its mark in the other cat's jaw. Next he sent a volley of claws towards his befuddled attacker who moved his head to avoid them, but was caught unawares by a freak elbow to the temple. While the toms continued to fight with movements so fast that Rumpleteazer (who was watching through her fingers) couldn't tell who was winning or losing, she suddenly cried out as Munkustrap was caught in a head lock. The Siamese, grimacing with blood dripping from his mouth, trapped Munkustrap’s neck in the crook of his arm and did his best to try to choke him. Then he raised his elbow with the sole intention of bringing it down upon Munkustrap's spine. But right before he could deliver the shattering blow, Munkustrap launched his leg backwards and kicked him square in the head. Dazed, the Siamese's legs buckled and he was forced to release his grip on the Bengcoon's throat. Then the fight descended into a messy grappling match as the pair scuffled on the ground, each cat trying desperately to limb lock the other whilst trying to avoid getting caught themselves. Eventually the Siamese rolled away and Munkustrap kicked back onto his feet, both cats panting and exausted. But the determined Siamese wasn’t done yet, and with a "Yaaaaah!" he charged in again, leaving Munkustrap with no choice but to do the same. Managing to catch hold of the Siamese's outstretched arm, he performed a barrel roll in the air, using the momentum to twist it in a way that was unnatural for an arm to do, for while _it_ moved, the unfortunate Siamese did not. All at once there was a sickening _crack!_  followed by the sound of splintering bone, while the victim shrieked like a kitten. But his agony did not end there. Whilst on the ground, Munkustrap then caught the Siamese's leg in his and twisted his body sharply to the left. There was a _crunch_! as the Siamese's leg was broken in two places and the his screeches were so deafening that they might have been heard in Dover. There was no way he could carry on fighting now. It was all over. Finally, a heavily panting Munkustrap went to retrieve the knife from halfway down the street and then walked back to the broken body lying on the ground, grabbed him roughly by the ear and pulled him up sharply, causing him to let out another agonized cry. Then he held the knife to the assassin's throat. "Who are you? Who sent you?" he hissed.

When the cat refused to answer he yanked him a bit more, making him squeal like a dog toy. "My name is...Morosoe!" the Siamese gasped. "I bring...message from...Hidden Paw..."

"Go on," said Munkustrap when he faltered.

"Has...your sweetheart..." Morosoe continued with some difficulty. "...Sends his...gratitude."

Munkustrap hissed. Then to his astonishment Morosoe suddenly reached up with his unbroken arm and took hold of the paw that gripped the knife, guiding it down to his chest. "I was sent to kill you..." he explained. "I may have failed...but more will follow. He will not rest until he has destroyed you...Now please...show me mercy...For you can bet that he will not look kindly upon my...failure. It would almost be an honour to die by the paw of the Great...Munkustrap..."

He chuckled as with the last of his strength he applied pressure to Munkustrap's paw, helping him to ease the blade into his heart.

Munkustrap gently lowered the limp form to the ground but stayed in a crouched position, unable to tear his eyes away from the dead cat. What did he mean more were to follow? Was this the start of something? And _why_ would Demeter betray him so badly? While he was lost in thought, a tentative paw on his left shoulder brought him back to reality and he looked up into a pair of frightened copper eyes. He had almost forgotten that she was there! But as he continued to gaze, something in the air seemed to shift. Perhaps it was the adrenaline or maybe it was because he had never noticed how dark her eyes were, like two endless portals. He gently took her paw in his right and nuzzled it with his cheek, his eyes not leaving hers, even when they suddenly widened in alarm. "Your eyes!" She gasped.

"What about my eyes?" He said, looking puzzled.

"There...there...!" Rumpleteazer stuttered. "All like...weird!"

Sudden realisation. "Oh! Yeah...that..." Munkustrap instinctively rubbed his eyes and looked at her again.

She nodded. "Yeah, that's better! Back to normal. I personally prefers the blue to that weird yellow colour. Makes ya look like Satan!" She giggled.

Then she grasped his arm and softly coaxed him into a standing position so that she could take a look at the cut. The knife had sliced a horizontal line into the flesh of his arm, but luckily it wasn't too deep. She cleaned it as delicately as she could then moved her lips up to the cut on his cheek and gave that a gentle lick too. He stiffened, but whether that was due to the sting or because he felt uncomfortable with her being so close, she wasn't sure. He didn't try to push her away though so, feeling emboldened, she moved her paws to cautiously to caress his head and was relieved when, although he jumped slightly, he put up no other resistance. "There. All pretty again now," she said, looking into his dichroic eyes. 

Even to her limited colour vision they were gorgeous, so like a pair of blue opals surrounded by a ring of gold that her paws itched with a sudden urge to steal them.

"I’ll give you pretty!" He tried to scoff, but it was a little half-hearted because he was momentarily destracted by something.

Her gaze had dropped down to his lips, signalling her intentions and his heart was suddenly awash with a strange mix of emotions that he was struggling to make sense of. He swallowed. Then all of a sudden he realised that his eyes had settled on her lips too; and after a pause of several heartbeats he instinctively moved in to kiss them...

Suddenly her legs buckled. He caught her just before she hit the pavement, but by that time the spell had already been broken. "Whoa! You alright?" he asked, picking her back up.

"Yeah- yeah, um...just a bit...lightheaded that's all," she replied, sheepishly scratching the back of her head.

There was an awkward silence. But if he could have read her mind, he probably would have been deafened by the party which was going on inside it. "So..." he began. Ok, so this didn't feel weird at all!

"So…" she echoed, pawing at the ground with her foot while holding her paws behind her back as though trying to hide something.

"So...what shall we do now?" He ventured.

"Are you being funny?" She said suddenly.

He shrugged. "Well I don't know about you, but I'm knackered!" He told her. "So, I know what _I'm_ going to do. Whatever _you_ want to do is up to you. Don't let me persuade you to do anything you're not comfortable with, especially after witnessing a scene like that." He indicated the empty street, where the only sign that there had been a fight at all was the grey sand strewn across the road along with the odd clump of fur wafting in the light breeze, a few flecks of blood spattered on a nearby brick wall, the empty hessian sack lying in tatters on the pavement and the dead cat lying a few meters away from it.

She frowned. "I don't follow."

He clarified, "I just killed a cat in front of you. Most queens would be put off by that."

She smiled. "Oo says I'm like most queens?" She asked.

Then she shrugged. "Besides, I feel just that bit more alive knowing  _that_ waste of space ain't. I already told you before Munk and I'll say it till I'm blue in the bleedin face. I love ya!"

She spread her paws, gesticulating to add weight to what she was saying. "This ain't some new thing," she explained and as she continued she became more and more het up. "I've loved ya for as long as I can remember. While all my pals were drooling over Tugger, I only ever had eyes for you. Why do ya think I was always getting under your feet? I weren't trying to annoy ya. Well...l was...cos it were fun! But really, I just wanted to be near ya. I know you don't feel the same way about me, but I don't care. Maybe you could pretend or sommink, I dunno. But you're asking me what I want? I tell ya. I want you to take me back to your den. I want you to hold onto me and never let go. You can even pretend I'm _Her_ if you want, if it'll help….Just gimme a one chance to prove that I can be the queen of yer dreams, that's all I'm askin for, not the bleedin crown jewels!" Her voice was on the verge of breaking, but there it was. She'd said her piece.

"Teaze-!" He began.

"No!" She put a finger to his lips when it looked like he was about to protest. "Please, don't say nothing, ok. Don't ruin this for me!"

She took a deep breath,

 _"Heard about you for awhile, never saw a show_  
_Used to play you on the radio_  
_Now we're face to face friend of a friend_  
_Got a hundred reasons why this shouldn't happen_  
_You got a hundred reasons why this shouldn't be_  
_And not a single one of them has a thing to do with me,_  
_So just shut up, shut up shut up shut up — kiss me like you mean it_

 _"I'm a tom. I'm a tom with a plan._  
_That's me in the broken window," he said, "don't you understand?"_  
_Weren't even sure it was me when I walked in the room_  
_Careful son it's gonna get real hot soon and I been,_  
_I've been trying to fight this fight right here by swimming upstream_  
_I couldn't tell you where I'm going, couldn't show you where I been_  
_So just shut up, shut up shut up shut up - kiss me like you mean it_  
_So just shut up, shut up shut up shut up - kiss me like you mean it_

 _So what if we just stop pretending, stop making believe?_  
_What if true love only comes when you're playing for keeps?_  
_So just shut up - kiss me like you mean it._

 _Do you know the value of this?_  
_Can you assess it?_  
_And if you could would you even know how to invest it?_  
_I know a thing about a thing or two_  
_I know I gotta keep a couple things safe from you_

 _If I folded my heart into a pretty paper plane_  
_And flew it cross the Thames would it come back again?_  
_Would it get crumpled up?_  
_Would it get caught up in a crosswind in the sea or would it fly back to me?_  
_So just shut up, shut up shut up shut up - kiss me like you mean it_  
_So just shut up, shut up shut up shut up - kiss me like you mean it_  
_Kiss me like you mean it_  
_Shut up, shut up shut up shut up…"_

(Shut Up by Anya Marina)

Her voice faltered and she hung her head, suddenly overcome with emotion.

"Sorry!" She whispered.  "I donno know why I'm crying! God, what am I like?"

She sniffed and dabbed at her nose with the back of her paw, a filthy habit that she often did without thinking. Then Munkustrap gently wiped away her tears using his thumb. "It's ok," he said softly. "I seem to have that effect on queens!"

"Could you at least, like, _try_ and love me though?" She asked him, almost pleading.

"Hmmm..." He looked doubtful. "We'll see."

She was about to answer, but didn't get any further than that because he suddenly drew her into his arms and kissed her, causing her heart to explode (figuratively speaking! And while we're here: fireworks also exploded inside her belly as firecrackers erupted confetti over their heads and just when she thought that would be it, a marching band started parading down the street! _Well why not! she thought._ )

"You don't have to pretend to be anyone else, Teazer," he told her. "You're fine as you are."

"Ere, what changed _your_ tune?" She asked, her tone somewhat passive aggressive.

"Some cats who are much wiser than I helped me to change my mind," he admitted.

She grinned. "Remind me to thank em will ya?" She giggled and moved in to kiss him again.


	15. I'm Gonna Be Your Number One!

Rumpleteazer wrinkled her brow in consternation. "Sooo...let me get me head around this, yeah," she said pensively. "You see ghosts? And no one else can?"

Munkustrap nodded. "That's right," he confirmed. "Apart from Old Deuteronomy, Mistoffelees and the Witches Twins that is. I'm pretty sure no one else can, but don't quote me on that, for there may well be others who just haven't mentioned it. I only started seeing them after that...you know...incident."

"And this is the Cat you saw just now?" Rumpleteazer continued, pointing to a small oil painting that was hanging on the wall in Munkustrap's den, next to fourteen others.

They were all portraits of past protectors and Rumpleteazer had to admit they all a beefy, severe looking bunch, including the only one that so happened to be a queen in amongst the toms. "That's Andrimelda," Munkustrap explained to her. "Also known as Fat Andimelda, although she wasn't really fat. Just big! She gave birth twenty six kittens you know. Or so they say."

The pictures were hung in order from oldest to most recent, with the older ones having been depicted on canvas by an unknown artist, whereas the more recent ones were photographs. Munkustrap and Rumpleteazer gazed at the first, which portrayed a handsomely fierce looking silver tabby Maine Coon with blazing amber eyes. "That is correct," Munkustrap replied. "Yes, it was Siren alright."

"Ere, I can't find you anywhere!" Rumpleteazer said suddenly, scanning the wall.

"That is because I am not there," he replied.

"Why not?" She asked.

"Because, I am neither dead nor retired," he chuckled. "Yet."

Rumpleteazer smiled, all of a sudden feeling uncharacteristically self conscious. She glanced sideways and caught him looking at her so she quickly turned her head away again, her tail curling with shyness. "You're looking at me," she informed him as though he didn't know.

"So it would seem," he stated.

"You never look at me, though," she said, sounding puzzled.

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh?" He replied, feigning surprise. "So I have never looked at you? Then how do I know who you are?"

"Don't get cocky!" She said, tersely. "You know what I mean!"

"Do I?" He chuckled. "I love how you women over exaggerate. I have looked at you many times, so I am confused as to where you are plucking the 'never' from."

She shrugged. "You just, never looked at me...you know...like  _that_ , before."

"Like what?" He pressed. "Admiring you?"

She nodded, still looking the other way. "Yeah."

"Has no one ever admired you?" He asked, moving towards her.

She looked down at the floor and shrugged again. "Dunno. Why would they?" She said.

"Why would they indeed! I find that hard to believe!" He scoffed and reached out to gently lift her chin so that he could look into her eyes; and was instantly lost for words. She was gorgeous. How could she not see it? He especially loved the spritely little polka dot freckles that peppered her ginger striped face, coupled with the defiant pout of her lips. And as for her figure? Well! Where it had once been rather boyish, it had now filled out; with strong curves that were pleasing to the eye. Here was not one of your weak, wimpy queens who were scared of their own shadows. She was brave, spirited, strong. He liked that. Ok, so she didn't have an ounce of common sense, had the capacity to drive him round the bend with her incessant chatter and was completely unreliable. But nobody was perfect! 

"No," he said. "I suppose, no one _has_ looked at you like this before. Does it make you feel uncomfortable?"

She shrugged. "Nah, not really," she replied. "It's all a bit...weird, I guess. I'm more used to having you glarin at me. I think I must have fallen in love with that frown of yours!"

Her copper eyes gazed intently at him; wide and inquisitive. " _They always seem to be laughing,"_ he thought. " _Though, usually at someone else's expense!"_

They were the complete opposite of his. Indeed, they always seemed to be frowning a little, even when he was smiling. He shook his head. "I am still perplexed as to what on _Earth_ a gorgeous queen like you sees in me," he said.

Her eyes were laughing at him again. "Silly!" She giggled, raising her eyebrows as she looked him up and down.

"What DON'T I see!" She breathed and started to lean in.

He found himself staring longingly at her lips, the sudden desire he felt for her almost overwhelming, feeling like a caged bull that was trying to smash its way out of its confinement in order to get to her...but he couldn't! Not yet! And kissing her now be a bad idea, because he knew that he wouldn't want to stop there. So instead he held her paws, nervously rubbing her fingers with his thumbs. Then he looked down at the floor and took a deep, shuddering breath before letting it out slowly. "Let's just say," he began. "That I was to say yes. I would like you to do something for me."

Her lips pouted even more. "Like what?" She huffed, disgruntled.

"You must put an end to your thieving ways," he told her.

"But thieving is what I am!" she protested. "It's my life! What else would I do?"

"Well here's a suggestion," he countered. "You could get this thing called a job, like the rest of us!"

"But thieving is all I'm good at though!" She whined. "A girl's got to eat ya know!"

"Do you want to be a mother?" He asked her sternly.

"Yes!" She insisted.

"Then prove it," he said bluntly.

"But how?" She wailed.

"Well you can stop whinging, for a start!" He chided.

"Humph!" She frowned and indignantly crossed her arms.

Munkustrap softened his tone. "Look. Let me show you something."

He guided her over to the old trunk and sat her down next to it while he unlocked it and lifted the lid. After a bit of rummaging, he eventually pulled out the thick scrapbook and opened it up, allowing the pages to fall onto her lap so that she could see. "I'm going to tell you something that I haven't really told anyone," he explained.

He pointed to the model. "See him?"

"Yeah. That's you ain't it?" She gathered.

He nodded. "Yes. A very young me. I can't be more than about six months old."

"Crikey! You're skinny!" She exclaimed.

"I am also as high as a kite," he confessed.

She looked at sharply. "Really?" She said in disbelief.

"Yes, you can tell." There was a regretful tone to his admission as he pointed out a detail in the photograph. "Look at the size of my pupils! That's not just the lights!"

She stared at him and practically squeaked, "Wait.  _You_ done DRUGS? What kind of stuff did you take?"

Munkustrap laughed uncomfortably. "Whatever I could get my paws on," he told her truthfully. "They got progressively harder as time went on in order to get the same effect. So yeah, I wasn't always as straight laced, shall we say, as cats like to think. I would to lie, beg, cheat, murder, steal...Whatever I had to do, I did in order to get the next fix and that's just the stuff I can tell you about. It was pretty much all I lived for."

"But why would you do that to yourself?" She couldn't fathom it.

"I am afraid I cannot answer that," he sighed and thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. "No, sorry. I really can't."

Rumpleteazer shook her head in disbelief for the fifth time. "I can't believe that's you, I honestly can't. I just don't see it," she insisted.

"It took something very drastic, very tragic and very dramatic to convince me to change," he explained. "I can't really go into detail, simply because it is so...I hit rock bottom...basically." His voice started to falter. Just mentioning the vague details was proving harder than he thought, bringing unwanted memories trickling back into his mind as though being kept at bay behind a flimsy wooden flood gate that was already under great strain. He decided that it was time to round off this conversation.

"What happened?" She asked, absolutely intrigued.

He swallowed and slowly shook his head. "I-I can't really talk about it...sorry-" he stuttered.

"Nah it's fine," she reassured him, placing a comforting paw on his shoulder. "You just told me sommink real personal. I didn't mean to pry!"

He smiled and gazed sadly at the photograph as though suddenly remembering something. "The one thing I will say," he said. "Is that the only good thing about hitting rock bottom is that there's really only one way you can go."

"Where's that then?" She asked.

"Well...up, of course!" He said in a slightly patronizing tone whilst pointed a finger upwards, just to make his point clearer.

But she still looked confused, so he patiently explained, "Being down gave me the opportunity to access my life and where it was going. I realised I had a choice. I also realised that I needed a purpose, some sort of direction to head in in order to get myself out of my...predicament, for want of a better word. And I also badly needed something else."

"What was that then?" She reiterated.

"The same thing that everyone needs," he said wisely. "Love."

Rumpleteazer looked sceptical. "Yeah, but, what about food an that?"

"Love is all you need," he insisted. "I didn't believe it either until I experienced its power first paw. It is a seed that must be grown from within. So it's no good trying to find it in shiny objects, narcotics or other individuals. You could have all the riches in the world, but if you have no love, you have no life."

"So, is that why you wanted to be a Protector?" She enquired.

He nodded. "Partly."

Then he chuckled. "But it wasn't exactly the easiest life decision one could ever make, I can tell you. I sort of felt like I was called to do it by something...higher up as it were."

"But you can't do it forever, right?" She was finally cottoning on. Maybe she wasn't so dim after all!

"Right!" He said encouragingly and gave her a commending salute.

She gave him a satisfactory grin as he continued, "So, being a Protector gives me great satisfaction. Just as stealing does with you, right? But it is not the be all and end all."

The grin faded and she looked puzzled again. "What do you mean?"

"There must be something else in place," he explained. "Otherwise, like you say, I shall retire and...quite possibly go mad! In fact I heard recently that sixth protector Dionnus, who was the only Protector apart from Andrimelda to reach retirement age as far as I know, did so retire and promptly committed suicide. So there we are!"

Rumpleteazer gulped. "Blimey!"

Munkustrap placed a kind paw onto her shoulder. "Change can be hard," he said. "But things don't necessarily have to get as desperate as they did for me. You won't be alone. You will have a friend to help you, which makes all the difference in my opinion. The key is not to be afraid to ask for that help."

"Oh yeah, which friend?" She asked dubiously.

He gave her a quizzical look. "Well me, obviously!"

"Y-You're my friend?" She stammered.

Munkustrap continued to look at her strangely. "Well...yes," he replied in consternation. "That is  _quite_ an important part of having a lasting and meaningful relationship with someone."

Rumpleteazer's mouth dropped open. "Y-you want to have a lasting and meaningful relationship...with _me_?"

"Errr...isn't that what this is all about?" He asked, his brow furrowing.

"Unless of course, you're just after one thing...?" He added jokingly, gestured to himself.

"Well yeah. And that!" She laughed. "It's just that no one's ever wanted to be my friend- apart from Jerry that is. But he don't really count cos he's me sock an blister..."

"Really?" He immediately took pity on her.

She shrugged. "Yeah well, it don't bovver me none cos I don't give a stuff what ovver people fink."

She smirked, "Then you had to come along and ruin things dincha!"

He snorted. "It's not like I forced you to fall in love with me!" He joked.

"It's not like we get to choose, is it!" she countered.

He dipped his head. "Too true. I'm sorry."

"S'alright," she shrugged.

"I will think about it," she said quietly. "Y'know, the whole burglin thing. I knows its not good to steal. Besides, I was thinking about stopping anyways, cos like ya say, what will I do when I'm old? I can't be stealing then. I mean, Jerry always says, "Oh come on sis, just one more raid," but it never is. I guess I was scared of losing him."

"Unfortunately my dear, sometimes in this life we have to make tough decisions," Munkustrap said wisely. "If Jerry truly loves you, then he will accept any decision that you make. After all, it is your life not his."

Rumpleteazer chuckled. "Ere! You sounded just like your dad then!"

He laughed, "Yeah, go figure!"

She distractedly flipped the pages of the book to look at the other pictures until she came across one depicting a tiny silver tabby kitten and one showing the beautiful charcoal Bengal with her four kittens. "Wow! Is that _you_ as a kitten?" She asked with intrigue. 

"Yes," said Munkustrap, pointing. "And that's me with my brothers and sister. Look! There's Tugger!"

"Aw! Don't he look cute with his little mane?" Rumpleteazer gushed. "And ere! Is that Grizabella?"

"Gorgeous wasn't she?" He replied.

Rumpleteazer giggled. "I see where you gets your good looks from now. They're clearly not from your dad are they?"

Munkustrap laughed again and argued, "Old Deuteronomy was very handsome once upon a time. But it's true that Tugger and I take after our mother looks wise. We all end up looking like the back end of a bus eventually though, so enjoy them while they last I say. Protectors in particular seem to get a rough ride. You should see the state of some of them!"

"What are they like," Rumpleteazer asked, clearly enthralled. "Disfigured and that?"

"Sometimes shockingly," he told her. "I've already told you about Siren- Poseidon's face looked like a jigsaw puzzle with some of the pieces missing and as for one poor fellow; he had his face completely ripped off!"

Rumpleteazer's eyes bulged. "What? Ripped? Right off?" Just to clarify it, she mimed ripping her own face off.

Munkustrap nodded grimly. "I mean, I don't really get phased by things, but seeing that for the first time…"

He shuddered and then looked up and spoke, as if to something high above. "Dear EC. Don't let me go like that!"

Meanwhile, Rumpleteazer had already turned the page and was gushing at the one month old Munkustrap, dressed in his little chorister's outfit and clutching his prize. "Oh yeah!" said Munkustrap. "That's me winning the Young Chorister Of The Year Competition, back when I could hit a treble. I managed to beat Tugger and several girls if I remember rightly. Don't I look smug?"

"What did you sing?" She asked.

"Um...I think it was Pie Jesu? I forget now."

"So cute!" she cooed. "I honestly dunno how anyone could just abandon their babies like that. If I ever have kits of my own, I'll love them to the moon and back, cross my heart!" She crossed her heart, fully believing that this action would seal her pledge (whilst at the same time scoring her brownie points!)

"Well, with a promise like that, maybe you won't have to wait for much longer," he said, with a smile.

She grinned excitedly and then turned to the last page, revealing the photograph of a youth sitting with the beautiful fawn and white Balinese. "Who's she?" She breathed.

But no sooner had she asked this then the book snapped shut and was whipped out of her paws. "Why don't I make us some tea, eh?" he asked quickly, putting the book back inside the trunk and closing the lid.

"Oh. Ok…" She was confused.

She noticed the slight catch in his voice and desperately wanted to pry him for the reason for it. But something told her that she had already pushed it too far. "Sorry," she said humbly. "I'm such a nosey cow ain't I?"

He gave her a half smile. "It's fine," he replied a little abruptly, indicating that the conversation was finished so Rumpleazer shrugged and yawned.

"Mind if I lie down?" She asked him.

"Knock yourself out." He showed her the bed.

"Cheers," she said, making her way over. "I'm still feeling a bit peaky if I'm honest. Got me a stinking headache!"

"I'll fetch you some water," he replied and went to fill up a cup with spring water from the basin which he then carried over to her. "Here. Drink this. Probably best you sleep off the rest of that alcohol."

"Ta."

She drained the cup, then lay her head down and as closed her eyes he threw a blanket over her. She snuggled into it and chuckled sleepily, "Look at you, being all caring. No one's ever done that…for little old me..."

"That's because they don't see what I see," he whispered. "And perhaps it's time that someone did."

He sat down about a foot away from her and gently picked at the strings of his new ukulele. He was still getting a feel for it.

 _"Well alright, okay, you win._  
_I'm in love with you._  
_Well alright, okay, you win._  
_Baby, what can I do?_  
_I'll do anything you say._  
_It's just got to be that way._

 _Well alright, okay, you win._  
_I'm in love with you._  
_Well alright, okay, you win._  
_Baby, what can I do?_  
_Anything you say, I'll do._  
_As long as it's me and you._

 _All that I am asking,_  
_All I want from you,_  
_Just love me like I love you_  
_And it won't be hard to do._

 _Well alright, okay, you win._  
_I'm in love with you._  
_Well alright, okay, you win._  
_Baby, what can I do?_  
_I'll do anything you say._  
_It's just got to be that way._

 _All that I am asking,_  
_All I want from you,_  
_Just love me like I love you_  
_And it won't be hard to do._

 _Well alright, okay, you win._  
_I'm in love with you._  
_Well alright, okay, you win._  
_Baby, one thing more:_  
_If you're gonna be my girl,_  
_Sweet baby, take me by the hand."_

(Alright, Okay, You Win by Peggy Lee)

* * *

 

She woke in small hours, about an hour before dawn, wracked by a contrasting combination of raging thirst and an urge to pee. So with a silent stealth that she was infamous for, she crept outside into the cool inky glow that comes in summertime just before the sun peeps its head over the horizon.

Once she'd carried out the latter task, she headed back inside again and filled up her cup with several helpings of water from the sink, gratefully gulping each of them down. Her sore throat felt a little less like it was made of sandpaper, although swallowing was still a little uncomfortable. Then a sudden movement caught her attention and she looked over at the bed. There he lay, sprawled on his back as only a tom could be. And Bast! He really was handsome. His silvery fur shimmered in the cool streetlight filtering through the window and coupled with his near perfect face, he looked like a sleeping Adonis. She smirked. Now that he was unaware, she could stare at him as much as she liked. Which was just as well, because her eyes seemed to have developed minds of their own as they took him in as a whole; his athletic physique, the firm muscles that her fingers just longed to run themselves over. This was met by a now familiar hunger that burned inside her, but it wasn't for food. And suddenly his words made perfect sense as she felt her stomach tighten painfully and her paws immediately went to it, gripping it to try to sooth the fire breathing monster that seemed to be having a tantrum inside of it. But to no avail.

 _"To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him_  
_Just to see him smile, makes my life worthwhile_  
_To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him_  
_And I do_

 _I'll be good to him, I'll bring love to him_  
_Everyone says there'll come a day when I'll walk alongside of him_  
_Yes, just to know him is to love, love, love him_  
_And I do_

 _Why can't he see, how blind can he be_  
_Someday he'll see that he was meant for me_

 _To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him_  
_Just to see him smile, makes my life worthwhile_  
_To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him_  
_And I do_  
_Why can't he see, how blind can he be_  
_Someday he'll see that he was meant for me_  
_To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him_  
_Just to see him smile, makes my life worthwhile_  
_To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him_  
_And I do_  
_To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him_  
_Just to see him smile, makes my life worthwhile_  
_To know, know, know him is to love, love, love him_  
_And I do."_

(To Know Him by The Teddybears)

Then, she suddenly realised what the movement had been. His tail! She watched, as once again it curled up and fell back onto the bed with a muffled thud. He may have been asleep, but he wasn't exactly sleeping peacefully. Swallowing a ball of apprehension, she began to move towards him using slow, deliberate movements as though she was approaching a beautiful, but deadly, sleeping dragon, feeling herself being inexplicably drawn to him like a moth to a bonfire while almost tasting the danger! She knelt down beside him as quietly as she could and he stirred a little. Her heart leapt into her mouth. But to her relief, he didn't wake up. " _Now what_?" She thought.

She knew what she wanted to do, but how to initiate it? She recalled what Bombalurina had told her: _"Touch him in just the right spot, and he will do the rest."_

She took a deep breath. _"Ok. So where's that spot she was on about, again?"_ She tried to remember, but her mind had gone blank.

His paws suddenly twitched. Then he began working his jaw, almost as though he was biting down on something. He was obviously having some sort of bad dream because his body grew tense and his claws began to punch holes into the blanket upon which he lay, while the grinding of his teeth set hers on edge.

"It’s ok..." She gulped stretching out a trembling paw to touch the silky soft fur, feeling his heat radiating into her blood drained fingertips. There was no warning for what happened next...

She shrieked as she was slammed onto her back and pinned down with her paw held in a vice like grip against her throat. She stared up in shock at the set of snarling teeth that were millimetres from her face and her breaths came in short gasps as she struggled to breathe while simultaneously fighting to hold onto her rising panic. "P-please, d-don't k-kill me!" she pleaded.

The cyan and gold eyes that blazed into hers instantly switched from fury to cold realisation to horror. "Fuck!" he swore and tried to help her up, but she barely heard his sputtered explanations, "Teaze...I'm so, so sorry...I thought you were-"

He reached out to her but she scrambled backwards to get away from him, jumped to her feet and part stumbled part ran, sobbing, for the door. "Teazer wait…!" He cried.

But it was too late. She had already high tailed it. Munkustrap swore again and cursed himself for the clumsy brute that he was. "Maybe she'd be better off with the skanky alleycat?" He thought, bitterly.

Then without warning, something hit him in the back of the head. "Aaaargh! What the-?"

Rubbing his now sore head, he bent down to pick up the object that had struck him and immediately recognised it. He unwrapped the cloth and the blue velvet collar with its dazzling Swarovski crystals tumbled out onto his open palm, shooting another painful jolt of electricity up his arm almost as though it was telling him off. He rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Alright! I'll follow her!" he growled, and, clutching the collar, ran on out of the door.

She couldn't have gone far. He scanned the Junkyard from his high vantage point and breathed a sigh a relief when he picked up her scent. So he followed it through the junkyard and eventually spotted her dancing in the tyre clearing. He watched her from the shadows, marvelling at her graceful, balletic movements as she waved her arms and piroetted around the space with tears running down her face. He put the collar down and began to lightly step towards her, doing his best to mirror her movements until he was right up behind her. She sighed as he folded his arms around her waist and leaned against him before straightening up and lifting her leg high. Smiling, he twirled her around and then lifted her up onto his shoulders. "Alright," she said. "Let's see how strong you _really_ are!" 

"Brace yourself," he replied and raised her high above his head.

He was holding onto her with both paws. But then he let one of them go and straightened his arm out to the side while she steadied herself by holding onto his shoulders, suddenly raising her arms up and grasping the back of her calf so that he balanced her suspended on just one paw. He smiled up at her and then gently set her down, whereupon they broke apart and danced away from eachother for bit. He used the opportunity to go and grab the collar before she ran back to him and he lifted her up high once again, spinning her around and around. Then she tumbled slowly back down to the ground and they ended up in an embrace, holding eachother tightly while she stroked the back of his head and quietly sobbed. "I’m sorry!" He said again and pulled away slightly so that he could show her the collar.

She sniffed. "What's this?" She asked, reaching out to touch it.

"I once sold all of our drugs in order to buy this for a friend," he explained.

"Bet you was popular!" She remarked.

"I don't think a scale exists that  _quite_  covers the level of rage that was directed at me that day," he admitted. "But as the friend no longer has any need of this...I mean it's been sat in that trunk collecting dust for God knows how long, I think she would want you to have it."

He walked around the back of her and fastened the collar around her neck, just above her pearl necklace and then gently turned her around so that he could take a look at her. "Not sure it  _quite_  matches the pearls, but there we are!" He smiled, but she didn't return it.

She touched the delicate crystals with her paw, but her eyes were still filled with hurt and confusion. "It's lovely. Thank you," She said, her voice toneless.

It was his turn to look hurt and in a voice wracked with remorse he said, "You shouldn't have snuck up on me like that! I could have killed you! But I never meant to frighten you my dear, I swear. Please, will you forgive me?"

He waited and held his breath. "Please?" He repeated, giving her his best kicked puppy impression.

After what seemed like an eternity, her eyes finally lit up. Then unexpectedly, she broke into a fit of giggles! "Ha! Gotcha!"

"What-?"

"You should of seen your face!" she cried, hysterically. "I should of taken a picture!"

His mouth dropped open. He'd been well and truly had! "Why you little...! Come here you!"

He chased her around the clearing, eventually catching up with her and she shrieked like exciting schoolgirl as he grabbed her around the waist and spun her around. "What can I say?" She giggled. "The Rumpleator strikes again!"

"I'll Rumpleator _you_ in a minute!" He shot back.

She nuzzled his nose. "So?" She teased. "Is that how you seduce  _all_  your queens, then?"

He chuckled, "Just you, it would seem. There's always one isn't there!"

She answered him with that delectable little pout of hers, "I'm an exception to the rules, me! Sometimes I have to be sneaky to get what _I_ want!"

"And what does she want?" He enquired.

"You know darn well what I want!" She sniped, rolling her eyes.

"Well...alright then. Seeing as you asked _so_ nicely!" He grinned.

"Is that your way of saying yes?" She looked longingly at him while he thought for a moment.

"Hmmm...yes," he said finally.

The words had barely escaped from his lips when she suddenly folded her arms around his neck and began to kiss him. He kissed her back and the kiss became more passionate as he ran his paws over her body, feeling a fire suddenly ignite within. He wanted her. Badly. And he could tell that she was just as desperate for him by the way she pressed her body against his-

"Wait!" He said suddenly, pulling back. He was a little out of breath.

"What _nahow_!" she practically howled.

"I want us to do this properly," he calmly explained and took a step back.

Then he bowed and held out his paw to her. "Shall we dance?" He asked.

She rolled her eyes and huffed, "Oh... _alright_ then!"

She reluctantly curtsied and took his outstretched paw, giggling yet again as he twirled her around and bent her backwards over his arm before spinning her out again. And all the while she sang,

 _"What a waste of time_  
Precious little time  
But I'll waste some of yours babe  
If you waste some of mine  
What a waste of time  
Precious little time  
But I'll waste some of yours babe  
If you waste some of mine  
  
Then he sang:

 _"There's a moment that feels like a-nothing_  
Until it's passed away  
There's a glow and it won't last forever  
Think about it every day  
I don't know what you see in me  
I don't know why you stay  
Cause you don't owe me nothing  
But you give it to me anyway."  
  
And they both sang:

 _"What a waste of time_  
Precious little time  
But I'll waste some of yours babe  
If you waste some of mine  
What a waste of time  
Precious little time  
But I'll waste some of yours babe  
If you waste some of mine  
  
Then it was Rumpleteazer's turn again:

 _"So you think that it's not really working  
Well darling look again  
It's imperfect and that's why it's perfect  
Other colors are so plain  
You don't always see the best in me  
And I don't know what to say  
Cause you don't owe me nothing  
But you give it to me anyway  
  
What a waste of time  
Precious little time  
But I'll waste some of yours babe  
If you waste some of mine  
What a waste of time  
Precious little time  
But I'll waste some of yours babe  
If you waste some of mine  
  
'Cause I know what I got and it's setting me free  
Anything that you want then I'm happy to be  
'Cause if I don't have your face then there's nothing to see  
So baby please don't leave me  
Baby please don't leave me  
Baby never never never never leave me."  
  
_  He held her and their voices harmonized once again:  
  
_"Yeah yeah yeah yeah_  
_Yeah yeah yeah yeah_  
_Yeah yeah yeah yeah_  
_Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah_  
_What a waste of time_  
_Precious little time_  
_But I'll waste some of yours babe_  
_If you waste some of mine_  
_What a waste of time_  
_Precious little time_  
_But I'll waste some of yours babe_  
_If you waste some of mine."_

(Waste Of Time by Eliza Doolittle) _  
_

He gazed intensely into her eyes. "Sounds like a plan to me," he whispered and his lips were about to meet hers, when a sudden unexpected voice interrupted them.

"Nice dancing."

The voice was as smooth as silk and as sultry as a black widow spider, but it also contained within it a barely concealed shard of ice, and when the couple turned their heads, they saw that it belonged to a sleek sable Burmese who had slunk into the clearing as if from nowhere. Munkustrap smiled and nodded to her, but kept his arm around Rumpleteazer. "Good morning Cassandra," he greeted in slightly buttered tones, making it quite clear that she was interrupting something.

However, this greeting did not seem to be well received, nor was it returned. Maybe it was because she was as welcome as a swarm of wasps and she knew it. Rumpleteazer tried smiling nervously at her, but received a piercingly cold stare in return. Cassandra then directed this stare at the back of Munkustrap's head as she brushed against him (It was well rumoured that she and him had once had a 'thing', but no one really knew how far it had gone because, for whatever reason Munkustrap had spoken about it to anyone!)

Cassandra surveyed the scene before her and bared her teeth as though there were a bitter taste in her mouth; before slinking away into the shadows as silently as she had arrived. After she'd gone, Rumpleteazer visibly relaxed. "Blimey!" she exclaimed, "I thought she were gonna rip me face off! She seems like the sort what would do that an' all!"

"Sush! She'll hear you!" He hissed. "Let's not give her an excuse, shall we!"

"What the Hell is the old witch's problem anyway?" Rumpleteazer griped.

Munkustrap shrugged. "I don't know. She seemed normal to me. Anyway, don't worry about _her_. Where were  _we_?"

"Ummm...oh yeah!" Rumpleteazer brightened. "You was gonna take me back to your den and have your wicked way wimme, werencha?"

"Is that what you want to do?" He asked seriously.

She clutched at her stomach, which felt as though it was tying itself in knots again. "How much longer you planning on keeping me dangling for?" She gasped. "Personally I think that six weeks is long enough for any insane person!"

"Would you like me to carry you?" He offered.

"What sort of a question is that?" She demanded and then went off on a tangent, "That's like asking if you want liquor, jellied eels and mushy peas with your pie n mash. It's a no brainer! Plus, I want it to be like they do it in the films!"

He smiled and followed her instructions by hoisting her into his arms, "Very well Miss Teazer," he replied, giving her a very convincing Rhett Butler impersonation. "I shall do my best."

* * *

 

 Sunlight bleached the horizon as he carried her back to his den, making sure to lock the door. They were going to be there for some time! Practically shaking with a combination of nerves and excitement, Rumpleteazer skipped over to the bed and lay down. But as he moved over her, she couldn't quite contain a tremulous squeal. "Oh my God! Oh my God!" She jabbered. "Are we really gonna do this? Is this really happening?"

"It won't if you don't calm yourself!" he replied softly.

She put her paws over her mouth to try to squash some of her excitement back in. "Oh yeah! Sorry!" She said sheepishly. "I'm getting all carried away. It just feels like all me Jellicle Balls have come at once, that's all!"

"So, what do I do first?" She said eagerly.

He paused. "Wait. This is your first time?"

She rolled her eyes. "Well duh! Obviously. I was saving meself for you, weren't I!"

He sighed. "Oh Gordon Bennet! Ok. Right. Then all I want you to do for me and I cannot stress enough the importance of this, is relax."

"That's all I have to do?" She double checked.

"And listen," he added.

"Listen to what?"

"Your body. It will tell you what it wants to do," he said.

"How will it do that?" She asked, once again looking flummoxed.

He rolled his eyes. "Look, never mind. Just lie back...and enjoy…"

He began to kiss her neck..."But!" He told her. "If at  _any_  point you want me to stop, just say and I'll stop..."

She nodded. "Ok."

To Rumpleteazer's astonishment, it was almost like he described it. For indeed, her paws seemed to move of their own accord, feeling their way up his torso and neck, along his head and shoulders and pressing into the firm muscles along his back. He kissed her collarbone, sending chills radiating through her body and she let out a soft moan as she felt parts of her body begin to wake up. She imagined that they were glowing, like landing lights, calling out to his body in a secret coded language. He seemed to understand because, as though answering the call, he left her neck behind and moved further down. At first she tensed up, feeling a little apprehensive as he found her delicate area, but this feeling was quickly swept aside and replaced by wave upon wave of pleasure which covered her like a warm bath. Almost finding these new heights of enjoyment unbearable, she arched her back and dug her claws into the blankets. "I don't know how you're doing that," she whispered. "But I don't ever want you to stop! Got it?"

Just when she thought she would explode, he pulled away and moved on top of her, searching for her lips but she found his first. Her body screamed at her. She knew what she had to do, which she found quite remarkable seeing as she had never done it before. So she told him quite forcibly what she wanted _him_ to do by pressing down upon his lower back, but he seemed a little hesitant. _"Plehease!"_ she begged.

He swallowed. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" he whispered in her ear. "Because, if you aren't, you need to say now. There'll be no going back."

"Do you think I were born yesterday or sommink?" She griped. "I _was_ aware, but cheers for the warning! Now just get on with it will ya?"

"Alright! Bossy Boots!" He said exasperatedly. "Just one more thing."

"What _now_?" She moaned.

With all the patience of Angel Gabriel he carefully replied, "I need to be sure that you are fully relaxed."

"I was _born_ relaxed!" She yelled. "Now either you get a move on or I'm gonna bang on Tugger's door! Why this whole thing about me being relaxed anyway?"

"Because this next bit is going to hurt," he told her, keeping his voice level, even though at that moment he felt like strangling her.

She stopped complaining for a moment and looked up at him with a worried expression on her face. "Oh," she said in a small voice. "Like, really badly?"

"Fairly badly, yes," he told her regretfully. "We can stop here if you wish. We don't have to go any further…"

"No I want to!" she said quickly. "Please?"

He looked doubtful, so she gripped his shoulders tighter and wound her legs around his waist, fearing he'd change his mind. She sure as hell wasn't going to let him back out of it now! Then she suddenly recalled what Bombalurina had said about proving to him that she could be mature, so, feeling determined, she caressed his ears and purred in her best Bombalurina voice, "I've been waiting a long time for this Munkustrap. And now I'm ready. I know you won't hurt me."

"I'll try not to," he whispered.

She closed her eyes and set her jaw. "Do it!"

"Ok. On three. One, two…"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh...!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Afterword  
> If you've made it this far and read the whole thing without skipping, well done. I must say, this story writing thing isn't as easy as the professionals make it look. There were days when my brain crashed, and weeks when it just didn't seem to want to switch on at all. Man! This story was so hard to write, so I am rejoicing that I finally made it this far, but it is not ended yet! Oh no no no no! There is more drama and kittens to come, rest assured! And possibly some fluff!  
> Please, Please, Please. If you have read this, and it warmed your heart a little bit, please can you tell me? Or even if you hate it or have any questions, I'd love to hear your opinions. Even a smiley face would let me know whether I should carry on writing or just Jack it in, because, while I do it for pleasure, what is the point of writing a story if nobody is going to at least enjoy it? If it brightens up your day, gives you something to think about or confuses you in any way, I want to hear it! Come on! Gimme some love!


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